starla33 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 so started off as fwb then transitioned into serious exclusive relationship. i was always paying half with no issues since I didn't take him very seriously either, but now that we are more serious he still expects me to pay half for things. I just lost my job and hes still expecting this and I really don't know how to change this. I don't like asking people for things/help, but I've been crying about this for days that he knows I lost my job and still thinks I can pay half? I told him I'm broke....
Diezel Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 You either: (A) Communicate that you can't afford to pay (B) Go on free dates © Dump him Choose wisely.
Author starla33 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 You either: (A) Communicate that you can't afford to pay (B) Go on free dates © Dump him Choose wisely. How would you communicate this? I would think saying I don't have a job anymore and almost crying about it to him would have communicated that.
LoneIsland Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Best for him to do is to dump you. You would have done the same if he lost his job.
Author starla33 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Best for him to do is to dump you. You would have done the same if he lost his job. What the hell? That is really rude. I would pay for both of us if he lost his job without a 2nd thought.
mammasita Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 How would you communicate this? I would think saying I don't have a job anymore and almost crying about it to him would have communicated that. Say something like "since I just lost my job, I don't really have the money to go out to eat right now". If he doesnt take that hint, then WTF. And why the hell isn't he treating you every now and then. I'm all for 50/50, but I'm also a huge fan of chivalry.
gaius Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Simple. Next time going out is brought up you just tell him you can't afford it. Either he offers to pay or you don't go out.
Andy_K Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 How would you communicate this? I would think saying I don't have a job anymore and almost crying about it to him would have communicated that. He might well assume you have a decent amount of savings to cover a rainy day, you need to be explicit that losing your job has immediate financial implications for you.
Diezel Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 How would you communicate this? I would think saying I don't have a job anymore and almost crying about it to him would have communicated that. The next time the two of you plan to go out and it involves a place where people have to pay, let him know in advance that you can't afford it. Offer an alternative if anything, a night in of Netflix and dinner and maybe wine. If he can't understand this, then you might be better suited off with someone else.
LoneIsland Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 What the hell? That is really rude. I would pay for both of us if he lost his job without a 2nd thought. It's easier to say than to do. How long would you have carried him ? A better way is don't go out if you can't afford it. Go walk in the park. You have expectations of him paying because you are now closer. Maybe he's thinking this could be the start of the new arrangement you already have in mind.
isisisweeping Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Tell him that you need to go out on free dates for the time being. If he invites you out to dinner or something that costs, tell him, that sounds great but until I get a new job it's not responsible to be spending money like that and I can't do it. He'll either offer to cover (most likely) sometimes, or you'll do free dates - either way, your problem is solved. That's what I did when a gentleman I was seeing who made a lot more money than me was always going dutch. (Though most guys pay, especially if you make it a point to be cognizant of how much money is going out and reducing it where you can... I'd say most guys I've ever interacted with are slightly offended when I try to pay and I have to sneak it sometimes. There's only been a couple who were not and this is how I handled it because I can't afford to go out all the time... well, I could but that's not how I want to handle my disposable income when I like free things equally or moreso and if I'm going out it's only to please the other person anyways.)
Zahara Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 If you can't afford it then offer date suggestions that don't cost much. The next time he wants to go out and eat, mention that you just lost your job and that you can't afford it. Suggest to pack a picnic, cook at home, walk in the park, museums, etc. Just because he wants to do things that are costly for you now, it doesn't mean you have to participate. He can either cover you or take you up on your suggestions.
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