lehcar Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Apologies in advance for the explicitness... I'll try to keep it as clean as possible. So, I've just started sleeping with the guy that I've been seeing. The first time it was great. But the second time, as soon as he orgasmed he just passed out and I never finished. I've never really had to talk about this with someone before because with my last boyfriends it was never an issue, I either orgasmed during sex or they 'took care of me' afterwards without me having to ask. I felt incredibly unsatisfied and didn't really know how to bring it up. I worried about appearing too difficult or something. To be honest, I was also kind of offended that he either didn't notice or didn't seem to care. So how do I approach this subject? How do you usually bring this up with someone that you're having sex with and you don't orgasm? Do you just say, you know... I didn't finish? Or do you flat out ask them to go down on you? Or what?
ComingInHot Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Maybe in a lighthearted way say "well you're up by one so you get to even the score next time". Heck I don't know yet... good question. Good luck! !* 3
TouchedByViolet Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Next time you should tell him you haven't finished and would like him to go down on you. That is NOT you being difficult at all. Any guy who likes you will be more than happy to do so. Always feel comfortable to share with your partner what makes you happy. Life and sex is better that way.
ThisisIt606 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Maybe just place his hand somewhere on your body where he had it earlier, somewhere where it felt good, say something like "this feels so good" or " if you keep doing that i think i could c*m" something like that. Show him and tell him, but mostly show. 2
Author lehcar Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 this is all really great advice, thanks. I'm not so good at voicing my needs, I guess, with people that are new to me.
PogoStick Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I don't have a clue. The girls I'm with have 5 orgasms before I even get to my first!
Phoe Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 You can try communicating in ways like above, if that doesn't work you can try being very direct in clear telling him what you want, but be aware that some guys are like this and just don't get it, and won't change their ways. I've never been with a man who would give me an orgasm, unfortunately. If he doesn't try even after you communicate clearly, there's your answer.
Assasda Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 If its obvious that youre not done, I dont know how he can avoid that. Tell him that your motor is still running, and hopefully he gets what you mean
Author lehcar Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks everyone, all of this advice was really good. Didn't work for me (very unfortunately...) but it was very good to know your opinions. So last night we had a really nice date - went out for dinner, went to a nice concert, he introduced me to some of his family there, we talked for a while after and then had really nice sex except I didn't finish again because he came too soon... I followed your collective advice and he said, 'ugh. I know, I'm a horrible person but I'm just too exhausted right now I'm passing out.' I dont know. Maybe it's just this guy then. I can't figure him out. We get on so well but now I'm thinking he doesn't give much of a crap about me. Granted, it was 1am on a work night, but still..
mammasita Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 IMO, you bring it up outside of the bedroom. During sex emotions are too high.
Emilia Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks everyone, all of this advice was really good. Didn't work for me (very unfortunately...) but it was very good to know your opinions. So last night we had a really nice date - went out for dinner, went to a nice concert, he introduced me to some of his family there, we talked for a while after and then had really nice sex except I didn't finish again because he came too soon... I followed your collective advice and he said, 'ugh. I know, I'm a horrible person but I'm just too exhausted right now I'm passing out.' I dont know. Maybe it's just this guy then. I can't figure him out. We get on so well but now I'm thinking he doesn't give much of a crap about me. Granted, it was 1am on a work night, but still.. Some guys crash after sex and fall asleep straight away. What is he like in the morning? If he isn't able to pick it up then, you may have a problem.
Author lehcar Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Yeah, I know some guys crash after sex but it's just that combined with some other things that make me think he doesn't care.. Like every date we've ever had has been because I've texted him saying what are you up to this week? or when do you want to get together again? Granted, he responds immediately and suggests something nice to do but it's still only me initiating.
Emilia Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Yeah, I know some guys crash after sex but it's just that combined with some other things that make me think he doesn't care.. Like every date we've ever had has been because I've texted him saying what are you up to this week? or when do you want to get together again? Granted, he responds immediately and suggests something nice to do but it's still only me initiating. Could be lots of things. If he isn't sufficiently interested or is passive, it's the same result really. Sounds like a no go to me...
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 @OP....He I come again (no pun intended) with my wisdom :-) I have to ask, was there any foreplay before hand, and if so how long? It's obviously a tricky situation, and NO many people have the cojone's to confront the other person about their requirements not being met. Personally, I am someone that takes a long time to come, and can even control it. This can be annoying to some women as they think they are doing something wrong, and it's nothing to do with attraction, it's just me saying am NOT going to come yet. Here is what you can do, next time you are with a guy, get them to satisfy you first before you do them. It's the most subtle way to get what you want. I expect the cheque in the post
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Thanks everyone, all of this advice was really good. Didn't work for me (very unfortunately...) but it was very good to know your opinions. So last night we had a really nice date - went out for dinner, went to a nice concert, he introduced me to some of his family there, we talked for a while after and then had really nice sex except I didn't finish again because he came too soon... I followed your collective advice and he said, 'ugh. I know, I'm a horrible person but I'm just too exhausted right now I'm passing out.' I dont know. Maybe it's just this guy then. I can't figure him out. We get on so well but now I'm thinking he doesn't give much of a crap about me. Granted, it was 1am on a work night, but still.. If it is a habit of coming too fast...he should know and then take care of you first ...that's just inconsiderate but you said there are other things then maybe you should call it quits with this guy
yellow_sun Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Yeah, I know some guys crash after sex but it's just that combined with some other things that make me think he doesn't care.. Like every date we've ever had has been because I've texted him saying what are you up to this week? or when do you want to get together again? Granted, he responds immediately and suggests something nice to do but it's still only me initiating. I'd move on, honestly. It doesn't sound like he cares about you. It sounds like he's getting something pretty nice out of this and you're not. What is it about him that makes you keep pursuing him? If you do decide to keep seeing him, maybe try extending foreplay or have him go down on you first, if you like that. If you're ok with it, maybe try to orgasm before penetration? Or you could try touching yourself during sex... How soon is he usually done?
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 this is all really great advice, thanks. I'm not so good at voicing my needs, I guess, with people that are new to me. This is always interesting to me. You're have absolutely no problem with letting them actually do these unspeakable things to you, but you can't summon the courage to ask for them?
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 This man uses you as a sperm recipient. * He allows himself his pleasure before pleasuring you! and he does this knowing he'll be too dead to take care of you after. It's the summum of selfishness. He knows he's not a great performer and won't last long enough then the considerate thing to do would be to pleasure you before intercourse starts or shortly after. 1
Priv Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You're have absolutely no problem with letting them actually do these unspeakable things to you I like your attitude, unspeakable not letting her orgasm Next time very elaborately finish yourself. He will get the message without you saying a word unless he is really daft.
Beautiful Kisses Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I would probably just tell him straight out, "you should eat my pu**y" because I know for sure I will be able to cum. If he doesn't want to then you decide what you want to do from there.
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) Yeah, I know some guys crash after sex but it's just that combined with some other things that make me think he doesn't care.. Like every date we've ever had has been because I've texted him saying what are you up to this week? or when do you want to get together again? Granted, he responds immediately and suggests something nice to do but it's still only me initiating. This is why you need to let them initiate. You only reciprocate. If he's really interested and understands that you are as well, he will be doing it regularly. Now you don't know or are questioning his intentions. You are bringing it to him, why wouldn't he go for it. It appears to me that he doesn't have much interest in you or he would be concerned about your pleasure and even if he came too fast, and was tired he would at least acknowledge you needs and hug or cuddle or some way of "apologizing". What you need to do now, is back off of the initiating and see what he does. Be prepared for not hearing from him again though. While it is true that some men like a woman to initiate, you do it only once. After that, you hand the baton to them. If they are interested, they will begin initiating first from then on. Women take the same chance as men in terms of initiating. It's risky for both. Edited October 7, 2014 by Redhead14
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