Ex-wife and daughter conspiring to hook me up.....ahhhhh!

[SleepingLover]

Ok, this might get lengthy but here goes.

 

I am 38 and have been divorced for about 3 yrs now. My ex-wife and I get along fairly well, like best friends although we have our moments. We were together for 14 yrs and married for 11 of those.

 

Now, let's go back about 6-8 months ago. Around that time, the ex introduced me to a friend of hers whom is a 24 yr old Trauma Technician at the regional Trauma Center at one of our local hospitals. My ex works in communications at the same hospital and that's how they met.

 

Anyhow, many times when I go over to my exes place to bring my 13 yr old daughter home from school or to pick her up for something, the friend is there and we usually end up talking and we have great conversation. This has gone on for awhile. BTW, the friend ended up getting ditched by her boyfriend in November and has been single since.

 

Now back to the present...

 

Last week I brought my daughter home from school and the friend was there and we got to talking as usual, however, this time it was very different. When talking, I noticed that she was acting almost as if we were the only two in the room. When our eyes would lock I would get this chill that would run up my spine LOL! I'm in the IT profession and when I left she stopped me and said "I'm gonna call you to fix my computer" ...pause..."...when I have a problem with it".

 

The very next day my daughter says to me "Do you think Lisa is cute?" ...I responded with a "Duh!" LOL! This was on Friday.

 

Then on Saturday my ex calls me and says that her and Lisa were taking the kids to dinner for my son's birthday and would I like to come along?

 

This struck me as odd because 1) she mentioned Lisa; and 2) she nevers asks me to tag along when she does stuff with the kids.

 

Yesterday my daughter says "Dad, Lisa says you are cute".

 

That kinda blew me away, but I know kids so I said..."Okay, what brought that up? And did you ask Lisa or did she just tell you?"

 

She said, "Well, I told her that you said she was pretty and then I asked her if you were cute". OMG! How embarrassing LOL!

 

So, I said "Well, of course she was gonna say I was cute. That wasn't a fair question. Did you think she was gonna say 'your dad is a dog!' " LOL!

 

Anyhow all this was causing me such anxiety, I felt I better coax some answers out of the EX, so today the ex calls me and I brought it up while talking to her and she fessed up. Looks like my 13 year old came up with the idea and passed it off to her mom and so they are conspiring to hook us up. Ahhhh! LOL... talk about weirdness

 

However, from what I gather from the ex, Lisa does really like me but really didn't want to bring it up in front of my ex because ...well... she's my ex. So I guess the ex coaxed it out of her by saying that we would make a good couple and that I was all the things that Lisa has been searching for in a guy. Oh boy, I'm totally embarrassed...

 

Now, I really do like Lisa. She has all the qualities I look for in a woman (but have never found), but so many factors make me sooooo nervous...1) The arrangement..having your ex and daughter make such an arrangement is quite the experience LOL 2) Even though she is very mature and knows what she wants in life, I'm still 14 yrs her senior.. I worry can I keep up 3) She is a very very beautiful young lady and that, in itself, is intimidating

 

Right now, I feel like I'm in a manic state of high anxiety. I haven't felt like this since...sheesh.. since I was a teenager. How should I handle this so I don't muck it up? What should I do? and what shouldn't I do? We are all to go out to dinner tomorrow night, I feel so weird because we have talked all this time, but things are changing fast! Ahhhh! Help!!!! LMAO!

 

I feel like I'm rockclimbing and I'm afraid of heights heheh.

 

Phew, I need a smoke... LOL!

[tiki]

Idunno, man. I think I'd steer clear if I were you. But I'm not you.

 

Your daughter could easily be 'playing it cool'...when it could really hurt her inside????

[SleepingLover]

Actually, I think the reason my daughter is doing this is because she likes Lisa like a big sister. I have dated other women since the divorce but nothing has clicked. My daughter is a smart one, she constantly tells me I shouldn't sit around being lonely even though I have never told her that I am, but she knows. Kids are smarter than they let on sometimes. She's a little stinker though... LOL

[tiki]

Originally posted by SleepingLover

Actually, I think the reason my daughter is doing this is because she likes Lisa like a big sister.

 

I'm sure she does with such an age gap. This woman is closer to your daughter's age than yours.

 

I'd just REALLY (re)consider it. Consider what kind of things would be talked about when/if the relationship ceases? Your life would be an open book (for your ex and your daughter to be submitted to) -- not cool!

[SleepingLover]

I'm sure she does with such an age gap. This woman is closer to your daughter's age than yours.

 

I'd just REALLY (re)consider it. Consider what kind of things would be talked about when/if the relationship ceases? Your life would be an open book (for your ex and your daughter to be submitted to) -- not cool!

 

Actually, that would be none of anyone elses business If people talk, then perhaps they need to grow up and pay more attention to their own lives rather than worry about the choices of two grown adults.

 

Out of curiosity, do you have a bias against age differences in relationships? The "when/if" of your question is hypothetical which means there can always be another more positive outcome. I don't like to waste my time with negative impulses they are too depressing and life too short.

 

It is not that I don't understand what you are trying to say, but ditching a chance because of a hypothetically negative conclusion can only result in ones kicking themselves in the ass for the rest of their lives asking "What if?"

 

Children grow up and they move out and have their own lives. Shielding them from life's possible conflicts doesn't teach them how to live, it teaches them to live fearfully... afraid of the "What ifs"

 

Keep in mind that my daughter has gone through a divorce. Do you think I wanted to put her through that? I turmoiled for 10 years in a crappy marriage to shield my daughter from that and yet I couldn't shield her from the pain she felt by watching her daddy wither away in depression during that whole time. My daughter and I talk, it is the key to a healthy relationship with your children. She realizes that I could not live through that any longer and she is relieved for my sanity. Sure she hates the separation that it caused where I would live somewhere else because she wanted to be with daddy. If you haven't been there, then you have no idea the pain and heartbreak of having to leave your child behind. I lived with her and was there for her every single day until that fateful day. It is the hardest thing I had ever done. In the end we survived, we just had to adjust to change. Change is a part of life and we must always grow into it.

 

Lisa, the young lady whom I spoke of, has all of the qualities I have ever sought in a woman but thought I would never find. If I don't take the chance, how will I ever know if we aren't exactly what it takes to make a lifelong couple. Am I scared? I'm friggn scared ****tless, of course. That is why I came here... not to run away from the situation, but how to cope with the anxiety I am feeling from this emotional storm that I am caught up in.

 

On the other hand , perhaps we won't make it and I'm fine with that too, but I would never know if I don't take that chance. I'd rather be hurt knowing I tried than to live my life aimlessly wondering "What if?"