blue_jay_bird Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 So yeah those are always disappointing. I'v been pushing too get this guy to talk me his feelings about me after three months of dating. I end up texting him, cause I just can't do it in person... Me; I had a great time last night. But it just seems like we r friends that ****. Response; I'm sorry for not answering, I do like you alot too. I'm just not entirely sure. We are more than just friends. I find this all really disappointing. I thought we where further along too; "I'm just not entirely sure." Entirely sure you like me. It's not even like i'm asking for the big L word. I just want to feel like he care's about me. Ext. What do I do? I'm pretty unhappy.
True Gent Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I'd suggest you stop sleeping with him if you feel like it's not going anywhere romantically. If it just seems you are friends that **** as you say, I'd take away the ****ing part altogether. 3
Omei Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Ask him if he has any interest in spending time together without the sex. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 In these cases your feelings are often the most accurate description of what is going on. If he really liked you he would make it clear through actions and words. If you want a serious relationship look elsewhere.
Versacehottie Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Pull back and remain friends who don't ****. Act completely at ease with this development. Watch his mind explode--if he likes you. If he doesn't, there's not much you can do to change his mind. Thus pulling back and pursuing other options is what you should do no matter what his real feelings are. Sounds like he doesn't know. Pulling back, pushes the other person to figure it out. Pushing them for answer or further discussion, pushes them away. Drop his priority level. Good luck
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 About you handle this without playing push-pull games. You asked him a question and he answered you. You are just not happy with what he answered you. He said He is unsure about his feeling but you are more than just f-friends. Now it's your turn to explain to this man what are your romantic expectations. Example: You are looking for a long term relation that will lead to marriage, parenthood, etc. You should also explain your short term expectations. Example: I think 3 months is enough for someone to figure out if I am long term potential or not. If after 3 months, 6 months, 1 year (what ever is your time limit) he does not know then it's time to abort and go to ext. So, conclusion, before asking someone what he wants, you have to know what YOU want. What do you want?
Author blue_jay_bird Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 TY, I'm disappearing. But really I don't see how that will make him crawl back. He already seemed like he was pulling away. Normally when someone pulls away this soon, it spells disaster. ITS BEEN THREE MONTHS. It should be all, I miss you, I want to chill, I want to be with you? Not; I like you but I'm not sure. This is bull****. I'm so unhappy. Why, I'm I even wasting my time with a lukewarm guy.
CarrieT Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Exactly. Stop wasting your time! Tell him you are sorry he's "not entirely sure," and that it is time for you to move on. Go NC and I'm willing to bet $100 he will call within a week, wanting to see you. 2
Author blue_jay_bird Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) Exactly. Stop wasting your time! Tell him you are sorry he's "not entirely sure," and that it is time for you to move on. Go NC and I'm willing to bet $100 he will call within a week, wanting to see you. I'm NC'ing. I never bet they will come back, cause they never do. Right, this is reallly a Red Flag right? If a guy likes you he will pursue you, pursue you.. If a guy I like started getting mushy, i'd be excited. I'd be like, "omg he feels the same way" I do like you alot too. = positive. I'm just not entirely sure = negative. We are more than just friends = neutral. He's covering all his bases. And basically saying nothing all at once. GUYS, I'm I right? the statement : "I do like you alot too. I'm just not entirely sure. We are more than just friends." is just a way to keep her around. ? Edited October 6, 2014 by blue_jay_bird
Versacehottie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I'm NC'ing. I never bet they will come back, cause they never do. Hmmmm, my experience has been the exact opposite of that. They always do. Always. If he was distinctly fading beforehand, that might be a different story. But if he was seeing you regularly, and just wavering on "what you are to each other, etc", you might be surprised. Anyway, like I said above, it doesn't matter what your reasons and intentions for pulling back are--you should do it in either scenario. A) to get him to KNOW B) so you can start having other priorities. I do think Gaeta had a point in that no harm in expressing that him "not being entirely sure" is not good enough for you. And that you think in 3 months time he should have an inkling. I don't agree, however, that it is game playing whatsoever. It's not game playing to effectively move onto other options by going NC with someone who can't/won't give you what you want (especially if you are being reasonable--3 months and ****ing sounds reasonable enough!). Listen, he is not scared at all that his lukewarm answer is gonna scare you away. To me, that sounds like he thinks he has you and that you will stick around. You deserve better than someone who thinks like that. He could even BE that guy but he certainly WON'T be if you ACCEPT this information. Be offended. Drop him low on the list. Make him work his way back in. That's not game playing--that's in direct response to what he has communicated to you! Don't wait or hold you breath. Do you and take space for yourself and date others. Good luck
Author blue_jay_bird Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 I know traditional NC. No Contact EVER. But I assume this isn't that? I mean if he asks me out? I say I'm busy. If he asks me a question? I take forever to respond. That was my plan.
writergal Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 blue_jay, in the words of Jay-Z, assume that "you got 99 problems but this [jerk] ain't one." Make him low on your list of priorities. In fact, make this guy an option. Definitely go out and date other guys. Why? Because: "I"m not entirely sure" is the equivalent of "I'm not that interested." Don't waste anymore mental energy on this guy or guys like him in the future. If a guy wants to be with you HE WILL. It's just that simple. I also agree with Gaeta about being more self assured. The next guy you meet, decide what YOU want from him first. Then let him know. If he feels the same way, GREAT. If not, chalk it up to a learning experience and move onward and upward. Let's face it. Dating isn't always easy. But the more clear you are with yourself about who you are and what you want and need from a relationship, the quicker you'll weed through the "lukewarm" and "maybe" and "not sure" guys, to get to the "definitely" and "let's do this!" guys.
Versacehottie Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 well if i was in your shoes, and he asked me out let's say for thursday. Say that you can't on thursday, how about the following wednesday? Whole point is that you are deciding he is less important and you are in no rush to see because you have other things going on. I don't care if it is even watering your plant because those are your plans for thursday. ummm, you can fit him in the following wednesday 'cause that's what suits you. He needs to see that lukewarm him doesn't totally work. Don't give him girlfriend you when he is giving you not boyfriend him. Still be positive and make the best of the time and experience he sees you. You do want to show him what he is missing when he does see you but treat it more friend-like or just starting to date. He shouldn't get a girlfriend experience, lol. That's my take with the information i have. Maybe more information would give a different result. I tend to think guys hate talks of any kind and my point of view is that if you were gonna add the comment like gaeta said, the time would have been at the time of your initial discussion not to bring it up now. Good to show him that he is missing out on a good thing and that he doesn't impact your life that much, you will be fine and "dating other guys". Though don't say that, just indicate that you are filling your life with other priorities by dropping his priority and the way to show that is how available you are to him. I would still answer and text back at about the same speed during work hours but not the same during your free time which i assume he would know generally. So it is not misconstrued, I mean this not as game playing. You just don't want to allow him access. That is how you get your power back. I don't see why he should have it all. In fact, if you do these things as matter of game playing it will back fire because play the game will suck you in more. What you have to do is take the extra time and actually do something with it. At first it may be boring stuff but eventually you will fill it up with other stuff and people. From what you have posted here, I don't think NC is necessary but it is also an option. See what goes with your personality the most and what you need to make it through. And how offended you are. I think acting like it's not that big a deal is a better strategy----if you can do it. It's not easy. And you have to do real steps so that you continue to make options for yourself. It also depends on how you think he will react to continue to have some access to you vs none at all.
Recommended Posts