randomtask22 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I feel she would be considered good looking by most guys but for some reason, I have just not developed any sexual attraction to her. She'd actually be viewed as a great find I think, loves to cook for me, volunteers to attend things I like, overall very nice personality. I wouldn't consider myself a prude by any means but I am one who needs to go on a handful of dates before I would even fancy the idea of myself having sex (shortest first date to sex time for about 3 weeks but she had an amazing personality) but it's just not happening for this one. So unlike most guys (I'd imagine anyway), I'm OK with with dating a woman before I sense any sexual chemistry but this is my first where just nothing has happened; it really is the most platonic relationship I've been in, sometimes I forget to kiss her even. I mean, I don't know, sorry if this just sounds so ridiculous. I'm not a sex fiend but eventually I would want to do it with my SO. We are both mid 20s by the way so still young.
mammasita Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 It's definitely not a good thing. A relationship without sex or sexual attraction is just a friendship. I get that you prefer to wait, I find it odd that you weren't sexually attracted to her from the beginning. I mean how do you choose who youd like to date if it's not at least based on sexual attraction? In any case, I doubt that she'd be happy with a sexless relationship....but you never know unless you ask the person you're with. She might be perfectly fine with an asexual partner. 2
MrMeh Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 It's not what others would think of her, it's what you think of her. I've been there. There needs to be some tinder to get the fire going. 1
evanescentworld Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Have you actually had sex at all? How does she feel about intimacy? Does she believe you want to wait, or have you given her any impression you're in this for keeps, but saving yourself for the "right moment?" I mean, what does SHE think is happening?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Well i am different, never put sex attraction as important. As i have none! My LDR SM knows and understand me. Though we do share sexual pleasures. Just because I do not have a sex drive does not mean i can't have sex. In some ways I have more abilities than most men, and have no need for sexual enhancers. Sex is all in the mind and how one is wired. Some peeps need more stimulation than others, as well as what gets them off. What stimulates me is a beautiful mind and her desire to be pleasured. Having a sexy body does not make one any more sexier than average, it is how the woman comes across with me that triggers my sexual desires, or in a pinch when FWB needs some attention. I am lucky I can turn on my sexual side like a light switch, when needed.
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 No sexual attraction? Please stop wasting her time. IMO you haven't met the right person yet. The person that you lock eyes with and you feel that twinge in your gut, heart and mind. And as you talk with them and get to know them, day dreams of sexual passion are there every waking moment. 7
Author randomtask22 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Have you actually had sex at all? How does she feel about intimacy? Does she believe you want to wait, or have you given her any impression you're in this for keeps, but saving yourself for the "right moment?" I mean, what does SHE think is happening? We have not. In fact, she has told me she's a virgin which doesn't mean much to me but if I had to pick a side, would probably more place that in the negative territory. Most we've done is some making out but that's it and even then I wasn't completely feeling it. I have interpreted somethings she has said hinted as wanting to have sex but I could just be making it up in my own mind.
CaliGypsy Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 If she's a virgin, you are definitely a poor candidate to be her first . I can't imagine it's going to get better . 3
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 We have not. In fact, she has told me she's a virgin which doesn't mean much to me but if I had to pick a side, would probably more place that in the negative territory. Most we've done is some making out but that's it and even then I wasn't completely feeling it. I have interpreted somethings she has said hinted as wanting to have sex but I could just be making it up in my own mind. And now the plot thickens.... Well, no wonder why you are not feeling it...Being someone's "first" isn't an easy decision to make I gather?
Diezel Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 If as a man, you aren't sexually attracted to her, and she is a virgin... do her a favor and dump her. You will do immense damage to her if you do have sex and then decide you don't want to be with her.
KatZee Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 This is what differentiates a friendship from a relationship. I don't date people I am not sexually attracted to. What's the point? I know this seems shallow, but lets be real. The first thing that draws you to a person is their looks initially. I learned this the hard way. Years ago I dated a guy I was not sexually attracted to at all. I was always choosing the wrong people, so I decided to go purely on personality with this guy. It was OK for a little while... I guess... but it was more of a friendship than anything. I saw him like a roommate, a brother. When he would try to make out with me, I would be turned off and I'd pull away, I wouldn't be into it at all. Eventually, the lack of physical interest turned into resentment. It took a toll on both of us. I was with him for a little bit and he was so in love with me, and I had NO reason to end the relationship besides, "I'm not attracted to you." And that wasn't a reason (in my mind) to dump someone. I kept staying with him hoping that eventually physical attraction would grow... the longer I stayed, the guiltier I felt, the more I thought it would develop... never did. At the end I was so angry always, he was always sad b/c he could tell I wasn't attracted to him. This caused him to become super needy and clingy, it was just really bad. Lesson learned. Don't date people you have zero attraction for, and if you're with someone you don't find attractive at all, end it. It's not fair for either person. 3
TouchedByViolet Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 This is what differentiates a friendship from a relationship. I don't date people I am not sexually attracted to. What's the point? I know this seems shallow, but lets be real. The first thing that draws you to a person is their looks initially. I learned this the hard way. Years ago I dated a guy I was not sexually attracted to at all. I was always choosing the wrong people, so I decided to go purely on personality with this guy. It was OK for a little while... I guess... but it was more of a friendship than anything. I saw him like a roommate, a brother. When he would try to make out with me, I would be turned off and I'd pull away, I wouldn't be into it at all. Eventually, the lack of physical interest turned into resentment. It took a toll on both of us. I was with him for a little bit and he was so in love with me, and I had NO reason to end the relationship besides, "I'm not attracted to you." And that wasn't a reason (in my mind) to dump someone. I kept staying with him hoping that eventually physical attraction would grow... the longer I stayed, the guiltier I felt, the more I thought it would develop... never did. At the end I was so angry always, he was always sad b/c he could tell I wasn't attracted to him. This caused him to become super needy and clingy, it was just really bad. Lesson learned. Don't date people you have zero attraction for, and if you're with someone you don't find attractive at all, end it. It's not fair for either person. This is the truth.
Author randomtask22 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 And now the plot thickens.... Well, no wonder why you are not feeling it...Being someone's "first" isn't an easy decision to make I gather? In a really 'literal' sense, I don't really care too much since it's ultimately her decision who she has sex with but more superficially I do not want that 'badge of honor' from any woman really. And believe me, sex with woman ain't happening until I'm completely comfortable with it. KatZee... great post, really helps to the reality of it. I'll admit something that prompted me to make this thread was meeting someone recently where, for me at least, the chemistry was crazy good and I'd been lucky enough to hang out with her since purely on friendly terms which pretty much confirmed it wasn't just a one hit wonder deal. If I were not in my current relationship, I could definitely see myself trying to pursue something with her. Just for me, I hate the thought of ending this since I don't think anything is intrinsically wrong with the relationship and we've both benefited. Would it be inappropriate to ask us to remain friends? Ugh so much stupid stuff I've brought upon myself
evanescentworld Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 ,,,,, Would it be inappropriate to ask us to remain friends? Ugh so much stupid stuff I've brought upon myself It depends how heartbroken she is. If she's philosophical, and good-humoured about it, it probably wouldn't hurt. Any emotional trauma or sadness on her part - I'd avoid suggesting it altogether.... You became complacent and didn't deal with it, when you realised what was happening (or to be more accurate, NOT happening....) So, yeah, really not a great thing to look back on. That's why ending it quick and clean would probably be more commendable....
Andy_K Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Have you tried kissing her, touching her, having a make out session? Sometimes if you can see someone is attractive but just don't see them 'that way' this can change it drastically.
KatZee Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Have you tried kissing her, touching her, having a make out session? Sometimes if you can see someone is attractive but just don't see them 'that way' this can change it drastically. He said they've made out and he was not into it. OP: no do not ask to be friends. Thats a self-serving, and to be honest, dick move, no matter how well-intentioned you're trying to be. She wants to romantically be with you, she doesn't want to be your friend and watch you as you date others and act so much more interested in others. It's a huge ego blow. Only remain friends if SHES the one to bring it up...even then, question her motives. A lot of women think if they "remain friends" that the dumper will suddenly see what they threw away. I say cut the losses now, hurt her NOW instead of dragging it out for more weeks, months, years when she'll be so much more invested. And the obvious point: do not sleep with her. Just be honest with her. Say you feel something is missing for you and that you feel it's best to end things now instead of dragging it out.
Redhead14 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I feel she would be considered good looking by most guys but for some reason, I have just not developed any sexual attraction to her. She'd actually be viewed as a great find I think, loves to cook for me, volunteers to attend things I like, overall very nice personality. I wouldn't consider myself a prude by any means but I am one who needs to go on a handful of dates before I would even fancy the idea of myself having sex (shortest first date to sex time for about 3 weeks but she had an amazing personality) but it's just not happening for this one. So unlike most guys (I'd imagine anyway), I'm OK with with dating a woman before I sense any sexual chemistry but this is my first where just nothing has happened; it really is the most platonic relationship I've been in, sometimes I forget to kiss her even. I mean, I don't know, sorry if this just sounds so ridiculous. I'm not a sex fiend but eventually I would want to do it with my SO. We are both mid 20s by the way so still young. Either it's there or it isn't. She may not be a "sexual/sensual" woman who simply doesn't tap into her or your sexual instincts. If that is important to you, then it's just platonic and you are just friends. She may simply not have sexual feelings for you either and so doesn't give off those signals. You could have a non-confrontational, friendly light talk with her to explore her feelings/opinions about sex in general. Sometimes a woman will keep sexual signals in check for a while until she's comfortable and when she is will start being more sensual. Unless she's doing that, a guy isn't going to have those feelings for her either.
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