nCPL Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Hi all, new to the forum here. My then-boyfriend and I broke up about 5 and a half weeks ago. We'd been together for 3 years, but for the last 6 months the relationship had faded out and we were both unhappy. After about 2 and a half months of instability and me attempting to break up with him once before, he ended it. We both hurt each other and we are both equally to blame, and we both acknowledge this. Our break up was confusing as we know that we still love each other and we're still very much physically attracted to one another, additionally the sex never got stale or boring. Nevertheless we decided that we'd try and stay as friends. Since then we've had very minimal contact, however we do work in the same building so we say hi and that's it. For the first week I was an absolute mess although I never let him see me like this, as I kept up appearances at work. I thought that I was getting better and about 2 weeks ago I came to the realisation that I didn't really want him back in my life, friend or not. Now I've taken a nose dive again... I'm on constant red alert at work just in case we bump into each other. I miss him like crazy. I want him back in my life. I can't stop checking his Facebook. My appetite has disappeared yet again. It's driving me crazy not knowing what he's up to these days and just general chit chat. I think I might even be worse than I was at the start of the break up, except I'm not physically crying/about to burst into tears all the time. The only thing that's the same is that I'm still going out a lot and keeping busy. I feel hopeless and as if I'll never move on. The thought of dating makes me feel ill. I hate feeling so worthless and low all the time... How do I get myself out of this horrible cycle? I want to move on with my life.
Frank2thepoint Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Hello and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about the end of your relationship, and most importantly, your struggle of coping with the loss. I too am coping with a recent loss of a wonderful relationship with a wonderful woman, that sadly was short lived. The fact that you are staying busy is helpful, but not completely since you are checking up on his Facebook wall and you wish you could bump into him just for a short conversation. The problem here is you are dwelling on him, not allowing yourself to move on. There is nothing wrong of thinking of your ex, remembering sweet times, even the bad too. It's okay to have these thoughts, because you cared, you gave a damn. But for you to completely heal and move on, you must exert willpower to not cyberstalk him and not wish to bump into him. If you find your mind wandering to him, do something that you know will keep your mind occupied. Read something online, like a news article, read a book, watch some Youtube videos, look for recipes, pictures of vacation destinations, chat with co-workers and friends. What helps me is reading other people's experiences on here. For me, it lessens the pain of the loss, especially when I also offer advice. These are some examples of what you can do. The trick is, you will have to take it one day at a time.
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