Infatuation vs Love

[Johnson1]

At one point precisely does infatuation turns into love?

What about love at first sight? Is that just a saying or can it be real?

 

Love at first sight from a man in a woman's eyes would indicate desperation and clingyness.

[LoneIsland]

When it succeeds, it's love. When it fails, it infatuation.

[carhill]

IME, infatuation is desire predicated upon sexual attraction and love is steadfast and consistent action predicated upon emotional bonding over time with another individual.

 

In the hetero dating/mating realm, I've noted, markedly, if there isn't substantive infatuation at the beginning, clear roots in sexual attraction, it's a lot easier for the emotional bond to topple later on. As a result, I've come to more closely align my views with the women of my demographic who decide nearly immediately, when exposed to a man's presence, whether he's a potential lover or not. If that immediate foundation of infatuation doesn't exist, then the sexual instinct is being thought out or, at worst, ignored, to the detriment of building a strong foundation.

 

There's not doubt the parties can be, with sufficient compatibility, good friends, but their sexual and emotional bonds are unlikely to weather the incursions of life and conflict over the long term. One need only note the transitional nature of platonic friendships, the burdens placed upon them and the feelings relevant to them, compared to romantic relationships, for guidance.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Initially it's infatuation when you feel completely smitten by someone, that initial whirlwind romance feeling that makes everything about them seem especially great or near "perfection".

 

Love is kind of like respect though, it's earned not given, in the sense that although on the surface level you can say you respect or love a person. But to have that deep appreciation or emotion embedded within you based on not just the connection or how you solely feel but instead what in a sense you have established together...it's reciprocation of love that makes that love grow and even worth having IMO, it's both people being conscious, invested and available...it's essentially allows it to develop into "true" love in time.

 

You can love many people, just like to you can respect many people...but to develop that very personal and multifaceted apartment building of layers, is something achieved over time and substance. It's like the potential you have with someone that you don't work well with versus someone you work very well with, in one way there's a lot of barriers and obstacles that limit and slow progress or even make you completely disinterested, in the other situation there's a challenges and interference but nothing that necessarily impedes upon the growth and development of that relationship because both people are ultimately pursuing the same goal emotionally and that attitude is different, a lot of times obstacles come from the person just not really being invested or motivated by the relationship anymore.

 

In short, infatuation has a shorter lifespan than love does and is often one-sided, love has the potential to last but has to be established, infatuation will always fade eventually because it's more of a psychological fantasy you have with that person than a deeply connected emotional relationship developed through mutual reciprocation...that deep in the gut feeling for them. Once the "spell" breaks through infatuation, it just merely shatters into pieces like glass...then you realize and question what exactly you were fighting for. Love holds onto you and tends not to let go, even if you really want to.

 

Most of what you'll see are a lot of one-sided relationships, where one person nearly holds the relationship together and the person invested spends their time justifying the relationship to themselves, justifying their beliefs basically because their partner doesn't run away and at times at least to them, seems to be invested. They'll even claim and speak for the other person based on how they feel or what they think the relationship is about...but they're more in love with the idea of love than the love they actually feel mutually...the love they actual have is an emotion of their own; which they cannot admit to themselves, but is very fragile. You'll see these people go out of their way to advertise and promote their relationships like a sales catalog, to justify the value to themselves...it's like when someone wants to sell something, they usually perceive the value to be a lot higher than what's it's actually worth...it's about perception.

 

You can have very strong connections and feelings for a person in the beginning..but it does not make them compatible for love necessarily. You ultimately need compatibility and understanding of one another to maintain that mutual respect, the desire and self-motivation to stay invested in that relationship...otherwise it just like most things eventually wears off.

 

I personally don't see a lot of relationships based on "love", but desperation, loneliness, insecurity, personal goals in life like kids or a provider or trophy wife, other benefits that are more practical than emotional, psychological/emotional issues, people that feel being in a relationship/marriage is a necessity for them and the alternative is not worth not being in their current relationship, or for the sake of their families or a belief system...they have mostly fallen out of love or infatuation with that person but other more personal thoughts or emotions that having nothing to do with how they feel for the other person, keep them invested rather than the actual reciprocated emotions they have developed with their partner...therefore they typically allow certain behaviors and the other person to have more excusable "faults" because everyone is not "perfect", to justify their ultimate decision to be in that relationship...essentially, learn to accept it for what it is.

 

It takes balls to search for love, you have to let go of a lot of "almost perfects" and you have to be confident and strong within yourself to admit to the truth to yourself and accept the fact it's not what you really want. It's like being an entrepreneur...you've got to take risk and be bold, you've got to be willing to lose and not let your fears and doubts drive you into a "safer" choice. You have to know yourself and trust yourself enough to know when it's right, rather than just trying to convince yourself that it is when you know it's not.

 

Other people have different ideas, you basically pick a person through the infatuation stage then call it a life...building on whatever choice you made and everything that's happened no matter what it is, justifies the fact that is it love, because of time. As if that experience regardless of what it was, wouldn't have changed your life.

 

Personally...at least for now, I'd rather just have whirlwind romances till the end of time than saddle up with someone I've fallen out of infatuation or love with, because for me they are of the same in a sense. I'll always need to feel in a way smitten by that person, I'll always need to feel that "lucky" feeling about being with her, knowing on top of that it has added far more to my life than ever taken away in many different ways, when you're with someone "special" it really does make you feel like a better man but even that alone is not love. You need the motivation to stay invested, caring, loving and affectionate, passionate and deeply afflicted....rather than just trying to convince yourself It's love...because I "think" in my foggy cloud and that's what I want to believe.

 

I have to know that I "feel" that way...I have to "know", and at all times during that relationship, otherwise I'd feel like I was living a lie personally...and once you lose a key element in a relationship, the rest eventually falls apart. But again, some people merely classify that as "ups and downs"...so you need to make the self-conscious choice that YOU can live with...in reality, that is what YOUR LOVE will be in the end, or your version of it better yet.