JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) First of all, please spare me the "don't do it", etc. advice. She was a very important part of my life for many years and we remain -- although distanced -- friends. At present I'm having a grand time dating other ladies and moving on. Plus, we're not youngsters but rather 50+ mature adults and at this age I strive to not burn any bridges carelessly since I don't have the time to recover from mistakes. What I'm thinking of texting her is the following: "Happy Birthday, J. I wish you health and happiness. I hope you have a marvelous day with your loved ones". Any ideas on how to improve this? Thanks, Edited October 5, 2014 by JFReyes
zen2475 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 You know yourself and your relationship with your ex better than anyone, and as such, what is best for you. I think your message is lovely, but I wonder if you are so sure about doing this, why do you post about it here?
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Thanks for your kind reply; I posted it here to get ideas on how to improve it. :-)
JDPT Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 What do you ultimately wish to accomplish with this message? I think that's something you need to contemplate. And yes I'm utterly against it. 3
BikerAccnt Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 An another in the 50+ crowd, I say do it if you want. I understand the sentiment. My recent ex's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, so I know the pull of writing. I'm not going to however. I look at it like this. Most of my friends, even my close ones, don't remember to wish me happy birthday, nor do I remember to wish it to them. Does it bother them, or me? Nope, not in the least. They just "know" I wish them a happy birthday. So, I assume, that since my ex and I broke up in a non-confrontational way, that she "knows" I wish her one. I try to look at as to why I'd want to wish her one over anyone else I know, and since I don't really have a good answer to that, it's probably best that I don't. To your note, it's just fine as it is. No need to embellish it more, especially if your only intention is to wish her a happy birthday.
Stsm5934 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I think it's great when people can stay friends after a break-up. That said, you definitely need to have taken some time off and healed before that can be accomplished. The fact that you are so invested in sending this simple text message, (i.e. making a thread to request ideas on how to better a happy birthday text), tells me your putting more weight into this text that your being honest with yourself about. 1
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 What do you ultimately wish to accomplish with this message? I think that's something you need to contemplate. And yes I'm utterly against it. Maybe I just want to take the high road and wish her a happy birthday when she didn't do the same for me a few months back. At the time she was infatuated with a OLD crush (long distance, to boot) that ended disastrously for her. Let's say is petty revenge on my part; sorry, I'm only human. 1
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 I think it's great when people can stay friends after a break-up. That said, you definitely need to have taken some time off and healed before that can be accomplished. The fact that you are so invested in sending this simple text message, (i.e. making a thread to request ideas on how to better a happy birthday text), tells me your putting more weight into this text that your being honest with yourself about. Thanks for your insight, and you're probably right but I feel that it's something I need to do to continue towards closure. I may be mistaken and deluding myself. I don't know -- but certainly hope -- that this is going to be the final message. Only time will tell... 1
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 An another in the 50+ crowd, I say do it if you want. I understand the sentiment. My recent ex's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, so I know the pull of writing. I'm not going to however. I look at it like this. Most of my friends, even my close ones, don't remember to wish me happy birthday, nor do I remember to wish it to them. Does it bother them, or me? Nope, not in the least. They just "know" I wish them a happy birthday. So, I assume, that since my ex and I broke up in a non-confrontational way, that she "knows" I wish her one. I try to look at as to why I'd want to wish her one over anyone else I know, and since I don't really have a good answer to that, it's probably best that I don't. To your note, it's just fine as it is. No need to embellish it more, especially if your only intention is to wish her a happy birthday. I understand your point, thanks for the insight... :-)
Simon Phoenix Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 The fact that you are asking for advice and trying to make it into some epic birthday wish is a big reason why you shouldn't be doing it. You have way too much invested into something that should be innocuous. 2
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) Maybe I just want to take the high road and wish her a happy birthday when she didn't do the same for me a few months back. At the time she was infatuated with a OLD crush (long distance, to boot) that ended disastrously for her. Let's say is petty revenge on my part; sorry, I'm only human. Ah, so the truth comes out. You know, that is why people almost unanimously disagree with these happy birthday texts to an ex. There is usually some ulterior motive, and it's rarely out of genuine care for the person. I think the tell tale sign is that you asked how you could improve the intended text. I couldn't imagine starting a thread about a friend of mine and asking how to improve a happy birthday text. That would be ludicrous, would it not? You are too invested in her to be in any type of contact. Edited October 5, 2014 by BC1980 4
hedyo Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 If she wanted a birthday message from you, she would have sent you a message on your birthday. I don't think sending her a message counts as "taking the high road" if your intention is to make her feel bad. 2
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 If she wanted a birthday message from you, she would have sent you a message on your birthday. I don't think sending her a message counts as "taking the high road" if your intention is to make her feel bad. Thanks but it's not about her, it's about me. Whether she feels bad or not is out of my control. I feel good doing this, damn the torpedoes...
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Improve it for what purpose? For the purpose of being more eloquent, interested but aloof at the same time, etc. I'm an excellent writer and communicator yet I don't know it all, so I try to get crowdsourced assistance that perhaps may provide ideas I haven't thought about. Thanks! :-) Jejeje, I remember that movie with Rodney Dangerfield as Thornton Mellon, it's fun! :-D
Simon Phoenix Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 For the purpose of being more eloquent, interested but aloof at the same time, etc. I'm an excellent writer and communicator yet I don't know it all, so I try to get crowdsourced assistance that perhaps may provide ideas I haven't thought about. Thanks! :-) Jejeje, I remember that movie with Rodney Dangerfield as Thornton Mellon, it's fun! :-D So you are hoping to use the happy birthday text to manipulate her into giving a certain response?
JDPT Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Maybe I just want to take the high road and wish her a happy birthday when she didn't do the same for me a few months back. At the time she was infatuated with a OLD crush (long distance, to boot) that ended disastrously for her. Let's say is petty revenge on my part; sorry, I'm only human. Don't dilute reality, do you realize that there is absolutely nothing on your end you can do to "comfort" her? It's no longer your job to do that, you were relieved of that duty long ago. You owe her absolutely nothing and that includes a heartfelt happy bday text. And it wouldn't be consider revenge if you ultimately chose not to move forward but quiet honestly you are still invested listen to your subconscious. Don't peel the bandaid and allow the wound to heal. Save yourself future grief, she's a big girl and will be perfectly fine celebrating her bday. Focus on what actually matters which is YOU.
hedyo Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Thanks but it's not about her, it's about me. Whether she feels bad or not is out of my control. I feel good doing this, damn the torpedoes... When you're saying that wishing someone a happy birthday is about you and not about them, that suggests to me that something is wrong. Personally, I see no problem in sending an ex a happy birthday message so long as it actually means "happy birthday!" and not "take me back!" or "look, I'm a better person than you!" or "so, ya got dumped? Ha!". Are you still going to feel good if she ignores you?
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 So you are hoping to use the happy birthday text to manipulate her into giving a certain response? No, I just want to wish her a happy birthday without any expectations. That's what I feel is the high road. It's more for me than for her.
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Don't dilute reality, do you realize that there is absolutely nothing on your end you can do to "comfort" her? It's no longer your job to do that, you were relieved of that duty long ago. You owe her absolutely nothing and that includes a heartfelt happy bday text. And it wouldn't be consider revenge if you ultimately chose not to move forward but quiet honestly you are still invested listen to your subconscious. Don't peel the bandaid and allow the wound to heal. Save yourself future grief, she's a big girl and will be perfectly fine celebrating her bday. Focus on what actually matters which is YOU. JDPT, thanks for your support. Yes, I do realize I can do aught to comfort her (not that she needs it anyway). I owe her nothing but in my view -- and it may be a cultural latino macho thing -- it's for me to feel that I'm a better person. I'm actually focusing on my new lady friend and it's great so far. This post is about a little detour; look at it like the need to take a piss while on a long road trip.
JDPT Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 JDPT, thanks for your support. Yes, I do realize I can do aught to comfort her (not that she needs it anyway). I owe her nothing but in my view -- and it may be a cultural latino macho thing -- it's for me to feel that I'm a better person. I'm actually focusing on my new lady friend and it's great so far. This post is about a little detour; look at it like the need to take a piss while on a long road trip. What may come across as something completely rational once executed and realized does not usual yield the outcome we thought were subliminally expecting had we thought it thought it through rationally, makes sense? I'll tell you the little detour I decided to embark on and kept telling myself I so desperately needed for many months. Roughly three weeks ago I found out that she is already in a new relationship (my detour) and by the looks of it this guy means something to her. So, my first reaction was, great this is exactly what I needed to know for so long and for a few hours it felt amazing. A ton was put into perspective and thought it was time for a different approach in recovery. Well this discovery really drained a lot out of me. And all the progress I made in these 1.5 years post break up was completely crushed bringing me pretty close to square one. I now reality that it's BEST to leave the past where it belongs and let it be, just let it rest no need to keep picking at it because it will bite, and it'll bite hard. I'm much better now. I understand that I'm all that matters but in reality it shouldn't have taken that for me to realize that I need to continue on my journey. Continue on your journey Reyes, its YOURS and no one elses, no one can take that away from you, you own it, protect it, and nurture it the best you can. In other words no need for the extra toppings, no need to make this journey more difficult than it already is. Heal from whatever it is you need to heal from, as an emotional loss can drain the life out of most of us, I know it took a lot away from me, but recovery is all I know now. And with the whole Spanish thing, I come from the same background as you, but you know what sometimes it's best to not be so considerate of the other, as stated previously you owe her nothing and vice versa. However, you owe yourself everything and you owe yourself recovery, and a better future filled with success and happiness. I hope you make the best decision and know that this was just a bump on the road. 1
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 I come from the same background as you, but you know what sometimes it's best to not be so considerate of the other, as stated previously you owe her nothing and vice versa. However, you owe yourself everything and you owe yourself recovery, and a better future filled with success and happiness. I hope you make the best decision and know that this was just a bump on the road. Thanks dude! Like you said, it's just a bump on the road (perhaps a pothole?) that maddens you for a minute but then you move on. However, by nature I'm a considerate person and will not change that trait because of my (religious) beliefs. Que sera, sera... Cheers! 1
ThorntonMelon Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I appreciate your reference to the Thornton Melon character. I guess why we are all baffled is you're all over the place as to why you're writing it. You want to be aloof, interesting, but it isn't about her, it's about you...no expectations however...you're focusing on a new woman yet pondering a meaningless text... I guess what I'd say is make the call as to why you're really writing it. My guess is that you'd like her to remember you fondly and see this message and remind her of what she's lost. I don't think Shakespeare, Twain, Poe, Frost, and Angelou combined could pull this off. Ask your new girlfriend what she thinks you should text her.
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 I guess what I'd say is make the call as to why you're really writing it. My guess is that you'd like her to remember you fondly and see this message and remind her of what she's lost. I don't think Shakespeare, Twain, Poe, Frost, and Angelou combined could pull this off. You're right, I mentioned earlier about petty revenge. Even Cervantes, the Spanish king of literature couldn't pull it off either. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I don't have their genius, but then again they didn't live in the 21st century either (except perhaps Angelou, but she was senile by this time). Who knows... Ask your new girlfriend what she thinks you should text her. She doesn't need to know about my demons, as she has a few of her own. No need to increase her burden... Thanks!
Author JFReyes Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) I guess why we are all baffled is you're all over the place as to why you're writing it. You want to be aloof, interesting, but it isn't about her, it's about you...no expectations however...you're focusing on a new woman yet pondering a meaningless text... /QUOTE] I don't think I'm "all over the place"; this is what LS is about, isn't it? I do agree that since I first joined 3 years ago it has become unwieldy; too many posts by too many people all at once... Has the general level of unhappines increased, or is it just another example of better communcations yielding more avenues for the unhappy to seek relief? I don't know... As for the text, it may be meaningless to you and that's fine, as it wasn't intended for you. I'm sure that you have a number of opinions that are meaningless to me. Go figure... :-) Cheers! Edited October 5, 2014 by JFReyes
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