MrWorkinProgress Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I just got out of a three-year relationship with a beautiful woman I thought would be the mother of my children. It was an emotional roller coaster and accepting that she wasn't the right person for me was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. During our relationship most of my friends had children, so while I have lots of friends to have lunch with, my social circle for nights out has dwindled to nothing. Everyone tells me how good I have it. I'm a 38-year-old man, which supposedly makes me an appreciating asset. I own a successful consulting firm and have a very good income (while I left my relationship with nothing but my heartache, my ex got some very nice jewelry and handbags). Everyone keeps telling me how the city we live in has an amazing ratio of women to single men, and how great that's going to be for me. I don't consider myself a great looking guy, but enough women have told me they find me sexy for me to at least feel like I have something to offer physically. I absolutely cannot approach a woman in a bar. It feels so stupid and fake that I feel like an absolute idiot and have zero confidence, even though I have confidence in so many other settings. I'm not ready for a serious relationship, but it would be good to go on some dates and be reminded that there is a whole world out there, not to mention to rebuild my social life and have something to do with my nights and weekends. All of my friends think I'm the most eligible bachelor in town, whereas in reality I spent the weekend doing laundry and going to the store by myself with a phone that was silent, with no one to call. I'm anxious to start rebuilding my life, but I don't know where to begin...
Purepony Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Try online dating for now. I think it would be a good start 1
No Limit Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Being the most eligible bachelor in town will draw scum to you. Be careful.
Author MrWorkinProgress Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Being the most eligible bachelor in town will draw scum to you. Be careful. I have this concern as well, but I see that as more of a Step Two problem. My point is that my friends seem to think I'm in the most enviable position in the world, whereas in reality I'm quite unhappy and have no idea what to do with myself or where to begin.
Mascara Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Whilst you clearly have many good qualities, the major hindrance for you is going to be "not ready for a relationship". Many of the women you might want to date won't be interested simply because of that.... you're still carrying emotional residual baggage from your last relationship. At 38, the women who are in your age range will probably be over their last relationship and ready to partner up. It's different in your 20s, you can casually date without any expectations from either side. Approaching 40 - not so much. So the focus shouldn't be on dating right now. It should be on building up a social life. Try Meetup. Join social groups. Just find stuff to do in your free time, without the emphasis on dating. 1
Author MrWorkinProgress Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Whilst you clearly have many good qualities, the major hindrance for you is going to be "not ready for a relationship". Many of the women you might want to date won't be interested simply because of that.... you're still carrying emotional residual baggage from your last relationship. At 38, the women who are in your age range will probably be over their last relationship and ready to partner up. It's different in your 20s, you can casually date without any expectations from either side. Approaching 40 - not so much. So the focus shouldn't be on dating right now. It should be on building up a social life. Try Meetup. Join social groups. Just find stuff to do in your free time, without the emphasis on dating. I'm certainly in agreement with that. To the extent casual dating is available I'm up for it, but my primary focus is on rebuilding my social circle so that I'm not doing everything alone, as I am now. I really never expected to be in this position.
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) All of my friends think I'm the most eligible bachelor in town, whereas in reality I spent the weekend doing laundry and going to the store by myself with a phone that was silent, with no one to call. Lol...welcome to the exciting "single" life. I had a co-worker who was a high-powered career woman tell me one time that everyone thinks us single career ladies are like Sex in the City - where we are relaxing with a cup of wine looking all sexy on your average nite...So, don't feel bad. The single life isn't exciting like what people think. I guess it's always the "grass is greener" syndrome. I agree with others, take it lite, take it easy...build a social life cuz while it is great to share things with a SO, when you're doing things with others - you are not alone. And, hopefully with time you can meet others through the connections you make... Hang in there... BTW, I applaud you on the courage to make the decision you made...some people rather stay in a bad thing than be alone and it takes a lot of courage to step out and go it on your own... Edited October 6, 2014 by Gloria25
itzok2bk2o Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hello MrWorkinProgress, It's been a couple of days that you have posted, hope you're doing well! One of my friends who had a similar problem got some help from boundless.org - you might check it out. @itzok2bk2o
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