Should I bring a date to ex girlfriends club turf

[Johnson1]

I recently got out of a 7 weeks courtship with a lady I met in a club. She actually hangs out in 2 clubs in our area. She's been living in this area for 15 years and has been going to these two clubs since then. She knows MANY people and has many friends, whereas I only moved here 6 months ago.

 

Anyway, this lady is a VERY attractive 52 year old. She's 52 going on 22. Very pretty and outgoing. She's one of those social butterfly types that engages everyone in close conversation. She's been married twice (one of which was an abusive alcoholic husband you'll read about below), has had many boyfriends, and from what she told me she was raped twice and molested as a child. I can't be sure if everything she told me was just a ploy to gain sympathy or not. According to her all that she's gone through has caused her to have major issues about sex. She told me she doesn't really care for sex and it's mechanical to her, but when she goes to the clubs she dresses sexy and acts sexual. I don't know if it was all a big game or what.

 

At any rate, we dated for 7 weeks and she kept going off about how slow she wanted to go. I was always going 'too fast' for her, but yet she didn't have any problem holding my hand, kissing, and at one point letting me feel her up in my home by the 6th week. At the time she was really getting into it, but stopped me and left when it started getting to the point of dry humping. She never had any regrets the next day about when we had intimate kissing moments except in the beginning. She told one friend of mine that she wasn't planning on kissing me for 4 months.

 

Just the other day I was on her facebook page and noticed how chatty she was with her ex husband that lives 1,200 miles away. They've been divorced for 25 years and are supposedly just good friends. He's comes to live with her for 3 months at the end of each year to see his kids who are local. They're 27, 29 & 32. One of them still lives at home with her, another one rents a house right next door and another is local. Anyway, I noticed how firendly she is with her ex on Facebook. She never showed any signs that she was interested in him in her posts and she said she wasn't, but the night we broke up because if this arrangement she told me he's always trying to get back with her. This guy supposedly makes $60 per hour as a carpenter and can afford his own place to rent for 3 months. He doesn't need her, especially since she lives in a small rental home. She said she doesn't charge him any rent when he stays there and that they each do their own thing and he comes and goes as he pleases and there's no intimate contact between the two of them. She is a very tough nut to crack when it comes to trying to get with her. It took me a month just to be able to hold hands with her. Frankly I don't know whether to believe her or not when she tells there's no intimate contact between them. My concern is that even though it's been 25 years since they were married, he still wants her and comes to live (off and on) with her for 3 months and who doesn't pay rent (why, I don't know). He doesn't help her out at all monetarily, but I did read in one of their posts about him leaving her in his will. She says it's not about money and that it's just an arrangement they've had for so many years because she still goes up to see his family and they let HER stay at their home rent free. She was married to him for 14 years and had two of her 3 kids with him. Another guy she dated recently is the co-owners of one of the two clubs we frequent. He's rarely there. The guy is a millionaire, but she said HE moved too fast, that's why she dumped him, or so she says

 

She could be telling the truth, I don't know. Whether or not there's any physical contact between her and her ex when he comes to stay, again, I would've had no way of knowing, and this uncertainty is what caused the argument between us that end our relationship.

 

We were so close when we were together. She told me so many intimate things about her life that she's never told people closest to her. She said to me on a few ocassions that she's 'difficult' and 'damaged goods. Her friends suggest she see a counselor and ageed with that if it would help our relationship. When we held each other it was like magic. We never wanted to let go, or so I thought she felt that way too. She practically sucked her tongue down my throat when we kissed.

 

After it ended she had a fit insisting that she broke up with me and kicked me out of her house, when it was anything but. I calmly walked out and went next door where her kids were hanging out on the porch. She following me and we hung out there for a minute before her daughter said 'is he leaving'? Angrily, I was like 'Yea' and just walking away, got in my car and took off. When I got home I texted her and told her I was DONE and told her to come get her bicycle she left at my house and de-friended her on FB. To wit she blocked me, probably so I could read any of her posts. After that it was a text battle who broke up with who.

 

I can honestly say that in the short time we were together because we did so much in such a short period of time (she introduced me to all her friends, we went to movies, walks, dinners, lunches, kissed and held each other passionately) that I fell in love with her. I went out with her to the park with her grranddaughter and took her son to work. I drove her around in her own car everywhere we went. It was really special. But it wasn't what I'd thought. She didn't want me in the same way I wanted her. She only wanted a friend to go places and do things with and 'see where it would go from there' as she told me. I tried not to push too hard, but I couldn't help it. She was such a pretty, sexy lady. Guys jaws would be on the floor when we walked into the clubs or go out somewhere seeing her in her painted on jeans and shear see through the back blouses and long blond hair. I felt honored that she picked me to go out with because all her friends that I met told her she hasn't dated in a long time and that I was the first. Many people weren't used to seeing her with anybody. She told me herself that she hasn't had sex in 4 years (which is kinda odd, I thought). I noticed when she does drink eats easier to get her in an affectionate mood, which concerned me given the arrangement with her ex husband.

 

I tried to get back with her, to no avail. I think I fell out of favor with her kids (whom I was close with, or so I thought) after the night we split.

 

Anyway, she goes to these two clubs. One of them has open mic nights where I sing with the house band (of whom we both know personally). That's where I met her. She's been a regular at these clubs forever. I used to go with my guitarist friend so I'd have someone to talk to, but he moved away. I can't go back to these clubs because I know what she's going to to. She'll be cordial, but go about her business dancing with other guys and mingling. She gets hit on regularly, but rarely accepts. It would be hard for me to go to these two places and watch her interact with other guys unless I went in with a date of my own to stick it to her. Even then I'm not sure if she would care because she didn't fall for me the way I did her. She told me that she can take or leave guys. She doesn't need them and is happiest being single, so if I did walk in with another girl I don't know if she would care or not. She was always trying to get me to go out with other women to keep me from pressuring her into moving too fast. She didn't want a relationship. She reiterated that to me several times. I told her 'why date a guy at all then? why not just go out with girlfriends for walks, dinners, etc?'

 

Some people believe it was to get me to pay for her meals and nights out.

It wasn't always that way though. There were times when she insisted on paying, so I don't know.

 

This is what I believe, she is a good woman who doesn't sleep around, but has mental issues that causes her to drive away men. She doesn't want the burden of jealousies or any kind of controlling behavior or else she'll run, which she ended up doing. I swore to her I wouldn't be that way, but it was tough, especially as social as she is, not to mention the arrangement she had with her ex which is abnormal. She couldn't understand my concern. Many of my friends, some of which are her friends as well, could understand. I think they know what she's like, that's why.

 

So my question is this; Should I go back to these two clubs with a date? Will it make me look vindictive in front of all these friends of ours that she introduced me to? and would it even phase her at all as far as making her jealous?

 

Thanks for your input. Sorry for the length.

[anne1707]

I haven't got a clue how it would make your ex or your friends feel. But I have a pretty good idea of how it would make your date feel if she knew she was being used by you to test your ex's reactions.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Hang on... you dated for SEVEN weeks and yet you did all this stuff together, met her kids, drove her kid to work, met and hung out with her granddaughter, believe you felt in love, got worked up about what is or isn't going on with her ex on facebook, and she was talking about being in need of counselling 'if it helped the relationship'!?

 

You moved way too fast. This relationship was mostly an illusion, nothing can be that real that quick to warrant this level of involvement. This lady doesn't own the bars, so go where you wish. You won't look vindictive taking another woman there (unless it's unusually outta your way) because all you did was date for less than two months. There's nothing there. So feel free to do what you want and go where you want.

 

Do all of your relationships follow this kind of pattern of moving so quickly? Also in the future, if a woman tells you she has issues like this person did, and talks so quickly about considering counselling to try and 'make it work' etc. run. Drama. Not stable or well adjusted or ready enough for anything worthwhile, as you found out.

[Johnson1]

I haven't got a clue how it would make your ex or your friends feel. But I have a pretty good idea of how it would make your date feel if she knew she was being used by you to test your ex's reactions.

 

It all depends on if the date I bring knows about how I was treated before hand and is perfectly willing to go there to give her a taste of her own medicine, which is really what she needs to stop using and treating guys like crap.

[anne1707]

It all depends on if the date I bring knows about how I was treated before hand and is perfectly willing to go there to give her a taste of her own medicine, which is really what she needs to stop using and treating guys like crap.

 

So to give your ex a lesson on not treating people like crap, you are going to treat your date like crap.

 

Do you not see how wrong this is?

[acrosstheuniverse]

It all depends on if the date I bring knows about how I was treated before hand and is perfectly willing to go there to give her a taste of her own medicine, which is really what she needs to stop using and treating guys like crap.

 

Oh, this changes my previous opinion.

 

If you're just taking someone there to make the last woman jealous, that's pathetic and you're acting like a thirteen year old. I doubt any self-respecting woman would be willing to be used by you to make another woman jealous. And if you find a woman who is up for that, then yeah, might want to question her integrity.

 

The best revenge is simply no longer giving a crap.

[Johnson1]

Hang on... you dated for SEVEN weeks and yet you did all this stuff together, met her kids, drove her kid to work, met and hung out with her granddaughter, believe you felt in love, got worked up about what is or isn't going on with her ex on facebook, and she was talking about being in need of counselling 'if it helped the relationship'!?

 

You moved way too fast. This relationship was mostly an illusion, nothing can be that real that quick to warrant this level of involvement. This lady doesn't own the bars, so go where you wish. You won't look vindictive taking another woman there (unless it's unusually outta your way) because all you did was date for less than two months. There's nothing there. So feel free to do what you want and go where you want.

 

Do all of your relationships follow this kind of pattern of moving so quickly? Also in the future, if a woman tells you she has issues like this person did, and talks so quickly about considering counselling to try and 'make it work' etc. run. Drama. Not stable or well adjusted or ready enough for anything worthwhile, as you found out.

 

She's only the second one I've date since my divorce 10 months ago. I was married for 30 years, so yes, I am little green when it comes to dating scene.

 

Here's the thing about the 'moving too fast' scenario. Was she using 'moving too fast' as a reason to go slow to string me out to pay for her nights out, knowing she never wanted to have a serious relationship? I was concerned about if I was being used. My step sister told me she has many girlfriend who do that. String guys along to get them to pay on dates then find dumb excuses to get rid of them. She made mental notes of everything and used it against me.

 

Case in point. Our night out at the movies. I put my arm around her and she didn't respond in any show of affection, then I pulled my arm back, but didn't say anything. She continued to just sit there with her hands and legs folded. She knew it was upsetting me that she didnt even bother to touch my arm or hold my hand. Afterwards she told me she knew it was bothering me. What kind of sick b*** does that?

 

I fell in love with the outside package is what it was. Plus I'm starved for affection. I know that. I've had very little in a long time if you include the last years of my marriage. I think she read me like a book and saw a nice sucker on her hands. I think what hurt the most is her giving me advice and telling me to date other women when she knew how I felt about her.

Edited October 5, 2014 by Vocals5

[acrosstheuniverse]

She's only the second one I've date since my divorce 10 months ago. I was married for 30 years, so yes, I am little green when it comes to dating scene.

 

Here's the thing about the 'moving too fast' scenario. Was she using 'moving too fast' as a reason to go slow to string me out to pay for her nights out, knowing she never wanted to have a serious relationship? I was concerned about if I was being used. My step sister told me she has many girlfriend who do that. String guys along to get them to pay on dates then find dumb excuses to get rid of them. She made mental notes of everything and used it against me.

 

Case in point. Our night out at the movies. I put my arm around her and she didn't respond in any show of affection, then I pulled my arm back, but didn't say anything. She continued to just sit there with her hands and legs folded. She knew it was upsetting me that she didnt even bother to touch my arm or hold my hand. Afterwards she told me she knew it was bothering me. What kind of sick b*** does that?

 

I fell in love with the outside package is what it was. Plus I'm starved for affection. I know that. I've had very little in a long time if you include the last years of my marriage. I think she read me like a book and saw a nice sucker on her hands.

 

Yeah, possibly. But you will know for the next time around, won't you? You'll know to hold back on the lavish dates and paying for everything and to make the woman work for your attention as much as you work for theirs.

 

If I was dating somebody and they weren't even into sitting with our arms around one another in the cinema, or they wouldn't kiss me after a few dates, I would presume they weren't interested and back off. It sounds like you kept trying with this lady far longer than you should have done, but like you say you're green, and you live and learn. I think you'll be slightly more harder and cynical next time around, which is probably a good thing if you're worried you got played.

[Johnson1]

So to give your ex a lesson on not treating people like crap, you are going to treat your date like crap.

 

Do you not see how wrong this is?

 

No Anne, I don't, because she never gave a crap about me to begin with. It was all a big game to her to use me to pay for her nights out. If I didn't move fast enough buying her a drink at the club, so would get ticked off and say, 'if you wont' buy me a drink I'll go over to some other guy and HIM buy me a drink'. For 5 minutes she just sat there and I had no clue why she was mad.

[CaliGypsy]

If we go with the assumption she's told you the truth about her past, maybe she wasn't toying with you for nights out. Maybe it's a physical reaction to intimacy causing this . If that's the case she could certainly have her ex stay with her and have no thought to there being any physical intimacy . If it turns out somehow you found out for sure she was lying ? Lesson learned and move on . Revenge will get you nowhere.

 

Maybe she's truly seeking a man who understands her problem ? I don't know . I know I wouldn't just assume anything. I certainly would not respond in a vindictive manner. I wouldn't take a new date to her "turf "and chance spoiling things before they even start .

 

Move on, forget about the other woman . Your time would be better spent looking for a woman who can give you what you want and need.

[acrosstheuniverse]

No Anne, I don't, because she never gave a crap about me to begin with. It was all a big game to her to use me to pay for her nights out. If I didn't move fast enough buying her a drink at the club, so would get ticked off and say, 'if you wont' buy me a drink I'll go over to some other guy and HIM buy me a drink'. For 5 minutes she just sat there and I had no clue why she was mad.

 

This behaviour is exactly why you should have walked away the second you got wind of how she was behaving. Never tolerate this crap from anybody.

 

If I go out with my boyfriend and he buys me a drink I'm grateful, and buy him a drink back the next time. I take enough money to pay for my entire night. A drink is a kind gesture and not something to be expected. I would feel like I was using him if I allowed him to pay for the entire night, unless it was my birthday or something. She sounds vile, like she treated you like an ATM machine, you should actually be thanking your lucky stars you haven't signed up to any longer time of this treatment.

 

She's a big girl, she can make her own way to the bar. She probably had no respect for you because you put up with it, unfortunately.

[Johnson1]

The whole thing about me 'running' away from her because she has mental issues is that I have nothing to run to. My best friend moved away and I have no one else. I was on top of the world, going to parties all weekend long singing in bands, had a girlfriend. Now it all gone and I'm left to ponder my thoughts alone. I feel myself falling back into depression and not wanting to go out.

[Johnson1]

This behaviour is exactly why you should have walked away the second you got wind of how she was behaving. Never tolerate this crap from anybody.

 

If I go out with my boyfriend and he buys me a drink I'm grateful, and buy him a drink back the next time. I take enough money to pay for my entire night. A drink is a kind gesture and not something to be expected. I would feel like I was using him if I allowed him to pay for the entire night, unless it was my birthday or something. She sounds vile, like she treated you like an ATM machine, you should actually be thanking your lucky stars you haven't signed up to any longer time of this treatment.

 

She's a big girl, she can make her own way to the bar. She probably had no respect for you because you put up with it, unfortunately.

 

Yes, you're 100% right. and the reason I put up with it (and I hate to admit) is because I am desperate for a relationship and she probably saw that and used it against me. Every time she did something that would make 99.9% of guys run. It didn't. I let it slide because if I didn't have her I'd go back to a life of reclusion, like I have now.

[acrosstheuniverse]

The whole thing about me 'running' away from her because she has mental issues is that I have nothing to run to. My best friend moved away and I have no one else. I was on top of the world, going to parties all weekend long singing in bands, had a girlfriend. Now it all gone and I'm left to ponder my thoughts alone. I feel myself falling back into depression and not wanting to go out.

 

The RIGHT thing to do in your situation would have been to run away.. if you're not being treated properly in a relationship, especially a brand new one, then you have every right to leave and find something better, whatever the cause. Plus you have no evidence any of this behaviour was due to a mental issue, not just selfish and narcissistic behaviour.

 

I'm sorry you've come down to earth with such a massive bump... I hope you can continue to go to parties, play in bands, etc. Those things put you in prime position to meet somebody else and you sound like you are a popular and talented person.

 

If you feel as though you're slipping back into depression please get help, speak to a Doctor. Don't allow what happened here to ruin your life. Easier said than done, but she isn't worth it. It is quite normal to want a bit of time alone and to stay in and be a bit reclusive after something ends, licking your wounds before you get back out there. But if you ever feel it's turning into something even more than that especially if you have a history of depression, then seek help.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, you're 100% right. and the reason I put up with it (and I hate to admit) is because I am desperate for a relationship and she probably saw that and used it against me. Every time she did something that would make 99.9% of guys run. It didn't. I let it slide because if I didn't have her I'd go back to a life of reclusion, like I have now.

 

The problem is, if you let people get away with murder just so you don't end up alone, well you'll lose their respect and end up alone anyway once they have used you up and left you high and dry. I'm sure you know this now. The best way to get people to stick around is to be a person that is fun and interesting to be around, who is a good and caring friend, and who commands and demands respect from people around you.

 

You don't have to have a romantic relationship to be happy and feel included in a social life though, right? How is your social circle of friendships? Personally I never felt lonely as a single person because I had cultivated strong friendships ever since I started high school, which have lasted the ages. I'm sure that the ease I felt at being single is one of the things that attracted guys and made sure I was never single very long, because everybody wants to be with someone who is confident, secure and has their life together. Not many people want somebody desperate or clingy, and the people who do like that in a partner usually have some issues themselves.

[Johnson1]

If we go with the assumption she's told you the truth about her past, maybe she wasn't toying with you for nights out. Maybe it's a physical reaction to intimacy causing this . If that's the case she could certainly have her ex stay with her and have no thought to there being any physical intimacy . If it turns out somehow you found out for sure she was lying ? Lesson learned and move on . Revenge will get you nowhere.

 

Maybe she's truly seeking a man who understands her problem ? I don't know . I know I wouldn't just assume anything. I certainly would not respond in a vindictive manner. I wouldn't take a new date to her "turf "and chance spoiling things before they even start .

 

Move on, forget about the other woman . Your time would be better spent looking for a woman who can give you what you want and need.

 

Thank you sweetheart. I am one of those 'nice guys'. She even used that term towards me in a text after we broke up. I'm self depricating right now because we were actually a very attractive couple together and I really don't think she was using me for nights out (although I couldn't say with 100% certainty) and that I possibly could've had something long term with her if I didn't let jealousies get to me. When it ended she said to me '2 months to you is like 3 years'. To a point maybe she's right, but how many women tell other women that they don't plan on kissing a guy for 4 months? or waiting to have sex for at least 6 months, or not at all? It's kind of extreme. She was an enigma, I'll give her that.

Edited October 5, 2014 by Vocals5

[Johnson1]

I was with her for one reason and one reason only. Desperation. I had the affection of a beautiful woman who I knew had issues and was willing to put up with because without her I have no life, and that's what I boils down to. My best friend moved away, so I'm left with no one...........again.

 

I will start going back out to the clubs because my brother is in a band, plus I have another friend who I hang out with once in a while, but it's just going to take a couple of weeks or so to get over these two loses.

 

Even know I'd go back to her if she would come back. I know she won't because I let her see that desperation loud and clear. That's something I need to stop doing.

 

What kills me is she immediately went on with her single life in the clubs like it didn't phase her and I'm staying home broken hearted so I won't have to see her there. I don't feel like going anywhere right now. It'll probably take me a month to get over her to the point where I could see her again as a friend in the clubs and it won't bother me anymore.

Edited October 5, 2014 by Vocals5

[Johnson1]

The problem is, if you let people get away with murder just so you don't end up alone, well you'll lose their respect and end up alone anyway once they have used you up and left you high and dry. I'm sure you know this now. The best way to get people to stick around is to be a person that is fun and interesting to be around, who is a good and caring friend, and who commands and demands respect from people around you.

 

You don't have to have a romantic relationship to be happy and feel included in a social life though, right? How is your social circle of friendships? Personally I never felt lonely as a single person because I had cultivated strong friendships ever since I started high school, which have lasted the ages. I'm sure that the ease I felt at being single is one of the things that attracted guys and made sure I was never single very long, because everybody wants to be with someone who is confident, secure and has their life together. Not many people want somebody desperate or clingy, and the people who do like that in a partner usually have some issues themselves.

 

Yes, I know this. I still have friends and can go out. This whole thing has me down, that's all. I miss her terribly. I miss the affection and closeness. People have said to me I'm not read to date and I know they're probably right, but the fact is unlike many people I don't like being single. I don't think I could ever be happy being single. That's why it took me ten years to ask my ex for a divorce. It wasn't my plan to stay single long. I wanted to get back in a relationship with someone who really wanted me, but it's backfiring because I want too much too fast. I know it. I just have to figure out a way to enjoy solitude instead of feeling lonely because I don't have anyone. I haven't been able to do that so far.

[organizedchaos]

The whole thing about me 'running' away from her because she has mental issues is that I have nothing to run to. My best friend moved away and I have no one else. I was on top of the world, going to parties all weekend long singing in bands, had a girlfriend. Now it all gone and I'm left to ponder my thoughts alone. I feel myself falling back into depression and not wanting to go out.

 

Get involved in activities, meetup groups, whatever, so you start making friends.

[Johnson1]

The worst part is she lives 4 blocks away from me, so I have to pass her street every day on my way to work, reminding me of her.

[anne1707]

No Anne, I don't, because she never gave a crap about me to begin with. It was all a big game to her to use me to pay for her nights out. If I didn't move fast enough buying her a drink at the club, so would get ticked off and say, 'if you wont' buy me a drink I'll go over to some other guy and HIM buy me a drink'. For 5 minutes she just sat there and I had no clue why she was mad.

 

It's not about it being wrong re your ex. It's about it being wrong re your date. You want to use somebody (who is completely innocent) to hurt someone else. That is wrong. If you cannot see this then I just despair.

 

You are letting your pain create pain for others who have done no wrong if you go down this route. Very selfish and immature.

[CaliGypsy]

I was with her for one reason and one reason only. Desperation. I had the affection of a beautiful woman ---attention not the affection you need and want

 

Even know I'd go back to her if she would come back. I know she won't because I let her see that desperation loud and clear. That's something I need to stop doing.--you know that would be a disaster

 

What kills me is she immediately went on with her single life in the clubs like it didn't phase her and I'm staying home broken hearted so I won't have to see her there. I don't feel like going anywhere right now. It'll probably take me a month to get over her to the point where I could see her again as a friend in the clubs and it won't bother me anymore.

you know her well enough to know it's likely just superficial

 

I understand you're having a rough time and I can empathize with that. Try to remained focused on what is important to you in a partner. Looks are just looks. If she doesn't have the other qualities you deem important to a mutually satisfying relationship then it doesn't matter how hot she is.

 

Know what you want and don't settle.

[GemmaUK]

I can't fathom what this might achieve aside from making a new date feel like she was being used.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, I know this. I still have friends and can go out. This whole thing has me down, that's all. I miss her terribly. I miss the affection and closeness. People have said to me I'm not read to date and I know they're probably right, but the fact is unlike many people I don't like being single. I don't think I could ever be happy being single. That's why it took me ten years to ask my ex for a divorce. It wasn't my plan to stay single long. I wanted to get back in a relationship with someone who really wanted me, but it's backfiring because I want too much too fast. I know it. I just have to figure out a way to enjoy solitude instead of feeling lonely because I don't have anyone. I haven't been able to do that so far.

 

That's real dangerous if you believe that whenever you're single, you are guaranteed to be unhappy. When you allow a relationship (or lack of one) to have this much of an impact on your overall happiness and wellbeing, you're asking for trouble, because you cannot guarantee you're going to be in one. You can only rely on yourself, ultimately, you need to learn to be happy without a relationship or you'll be forever lurching from one messed up relationship to another because the person is filling the void of being alone. You'll make stupid decisions because somebody is better than nobody, and struggle to attract quality partners because most people can sense when a person is looking for just anybody to fill the gap, rather than being truly interested in who they are and specifically wanting them for a partner.

 

Have you ever had any therapy around relationships?

 

I couldn't place that degree of happiness in somebody else's hands because I know full well it can be snatched away at any moment, often when you least expect it. After having that happen before (the snatching away), I can't ever allow myself to rely on somebody emotionally like that again, and I think that's healthy. A degree of self preservation makes you more choosy and discerning in your relationships.

[Johnson1]

I couldn't place that degree of happiness in somebody else's hands because I know full well it can be snatched away at any moment, often when you least expect it.

 

Out of everything you said, this hit me like a brick because that exactly the way it is. I revolved my happiness around a beautiful girl who didn't want me as much as I wanted her, and when she snatched that away because of my jealousy issues she went away. Now I'm stuck in a void of unhappiness without her because I don't know how to be happy being alone,and that's pretty much what it boils down to.

 

The same thing happened to the last girl I went out with 4 months ago. Again, pretty, but she, like this previous one, also had issues. She was into D/s (dominant/submission). I only went out with her for 3 weeks though. Naturally when it ended I felt worse than any normal person should've, but not nearly as bad as I feel now because I got much closer with this last one.

 

I could deal with a normal lady if I can find one, lol. The last two had major issues (not to say I don't. I know I have clingy, jealousy issues. Not too bad though. I could be worse, much worse). I didn't mind her dancing at the clubs in front of me with other guys as long as it was freestyle and their wasn't any slow caressing going on, because as I told her, I see slow dancing and caressing of her back and whispering in each others ears an act of intimacy. I asked her not to do that in front of me because it bothered me, to which she agreed. I don't see that as a major constraint, only something a girlfriend should out of respect in front of a man she knows cares about her and who she cares about. I'm sorry, but no guy wants to see the lady he's going with in the arms of another man like that. I don't think it's just me. Other than that the only other thing that bothered me was the issue with her ex because he was still attracted to her and would be living under her roof. That was kind of an oddball situation.

 

I finally accepted it after she reassured me through details that nothing would EVER happen, but by then it was too late, the damage had been done and we broke up.

Edited October 5, 2014 by Vocals5