Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Trust is built with time and it is built on actions. She has to be honest, forthcoming and open. She has to do what she says and show you she is someone you can trust and rely on. So right now you are literally taking a gamble on it with her. but stay on your A game. I've yet to have a cheater turn honest and committed if anything it improves for a short period of time, then I catch them cheating again. Okay thank you for that insight. Thats true, I am taking a gamble going on this path. But she's never given me a reason to doubt her or if she has ever cheated on me. If anything, by me controlling her and always checking up on her will only reinforce her to cheat on me so I will just have to trust her. I guess her only reason for hiding it from me is cuz I led her into doing it, should I blame myself? I say sure, she would have been completely honest and open with me if I had only trusted her from the start. Now lets say I did trust her even from the beginning and she still tried to hide things from me, then thats borderline across boundaries and would probably have dumped her. Since I know her actions were led by me, All i can do is to let it pass and hope that things work out from now on. I gave her my word to be honest and open with me so if she still lies and hides things from me then I can safely say that I did what I could.
Diezel Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Okay thank you for that insight. Thats true, I am taking a gamble going on this path. But she's never given me a reason to doubt her... Oh my god. Why does this thread exist then? Seriously. I'm getting sick and tired of men blinded by women who will drag them through the mud just because they might get a little sexual play out of it. You have got to be kidding me. Never given you a reason to doubt her? WHY WERE YOU IN HER PURSE THEN?
Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Oh my god. Why does this thread exist then? Seriously. I'm getting sick and tired of men blinded by women who will drag them through the mud just because they might get a little sexual play out of it. You have got to be kidding me. Never given you a reason to doubt her? WHY WERE YOU IN HER PURSE THEN? Because of my own issues, insecurity. I've been cheated on badly in the past. But it's affected me so much even now that it dragged on to my new relationship. She's never really given me a reason to doubt her. We've been together for 2 years and she had always told me where she would go, or what she'd do. It's just recently when the infatuation faded that she was able to realize she hasn't been herself our entire relationship and that i've controlled her. She was so afraid to stick up for herself and it was all bottled up that she finally just exploded and finally poured it all out. Thats also when she broke it off with me, she said when we broke up that she didn't miss the relationship and that she was free and didn't have to worry. She took me back because she loves the way our relationship was before I became over protective and controlling. So yea I'm giving her that freedom and the benefit of the doubt hoping that things do change for the better and not look back on the past
Beautiful Kisses Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 She lied because she was afraid you might breakup with her. If you're going to forgive her then forgive her whole heartily because if not the relationship with will never be the same. Give yourself peace, forgive her, love her and PRAY that this situation doesn't happen again. Sorry you had to go through this, I know its really tough for you. Good night!
Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 She lied because she was afraid you might breakup with her. If you're going to forgive her then forgive her whole heartily because if not the relationship with will never be the same. Give yourself peace, forgive her, love her and PRAY that this situation doesn't happen again. Sorry you had to go through this, I know its really tough for you. Good night! Thank you for this. And yes she lied because she knows how I would react, She wasnt actually afraid I would break up with her because she thinks our relationship is beyond fixable. She was ready to break up then because she knew things wouldn't change. But she never gave me that chance to prove to her that I will trust her, will ive given her my last words which is be honest and open from now on and in the future so I will trust her on that. I have fully forgiven her and understand from her standpoint that she wouldnt feel the need to hide things if only I would be okay with it. Although, I will question her if she keeps hanging out with this guy more frequently. Cuz you can't be that good of a friend with someone you just met a couple months ago to be so comfortable with each other that they go out alot. To me that means something else, but I might be wrong.
venusishername Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) So today while my girlfriend was at work, I had the suspicion that she hadnt been honest with me. Ive always had trust issues our whole entire relationship. Anyways i went through her purse and found a receipt from the night before. She had apparently went to a fancy restaurant that costed alot of money. She paid for this guy, at first I asked her if she would ever lie to me, which she said no, i ask her 3 times and asked her that now is the time to be completely honest with me, she still denied it. I was furious at this point when she admitted who she was with, apparently some coworker she had at her previous job. When I asked her why she felt the need to lie to me she said that throughout our entire relationship I've controlled her about who she can hangout with, she knows I wasnt okay with her hanging out with guys, she said this was the very first time in our entire relationship that she hungout with someone of the opposite sex. She said that the reason she couldnt tell me was she knew I would get furious with her and get mad and she was scared about that. At first I broke it off with her but as I cooled off a bit I knew that I might have overreacted so I talked to her about it. She said that a relationship is built on trust and she felt that our whole entire relationship we didn't trust each other. She doesn't trust me because she's also caught me lying to her, and complained that a relationship should be two way street. I haven't read through all of the posts in thorough detail, and I don't have to because your first post in the thread speaks volumes. I don't think it's your girlfriend that's the problem you need to focus on here at all. Re-read what you have wrote above. No woman wants to be with a controlling and jealous man. It sounds to me like the girl was so afraid to tell you the truth, which would have sounded like this: 'hey, I'm going to go out to get something to eat with an old co-worker, do you remember Jason?' because she knew you would have flipped your lid and broken up with her. Oh yeah, you did that anyway after snooping in her purse because you 'felt like she wasn't being honest' with you. You confirmed her fears. Then you proceeded to 'break it off' with her, then came sniffing around and trying to backtrack because you thought you overreacted. What really happened is that you didn't really want to lose her, you were just being insecure and manipulative. I don't know the inside story on your relationship and what is between you, but your controlling and jealous behavior is glaringly obvious. I'm not excusing her behavior: if she felt she could trust that you wouldn't overreact and get jealous and break up with her, then she would've simply told you the truth. Instead, she feels that she can't. Whether or not she's lying to you or cheating, from what I'm reading it sounds like there's very little respect and trust between the two of you. That, on top of your being controlling and "trust issues" (aka jealousy and insecurity), is reason enough for one of you to call this one off. Do you actually need confirmation that she is seeing someone else to believe it? Believe this: if you keep acting like this, she WILL leave you for someone else. You keep breaking it off with her, but you keep going back. In the long run, your behaviors will push her beyond the point of no return and she won't want to take it anymore. She will continue to feel the need to lie to you because SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU because YOU don't trust or respect her. I can speak from experience with my last two long term boyfriends, who turned out to be controlling, jealous, and emotionally manipulative. I had dejavu reading what you wrote because I've been in her shoes. I'm so glad I got out of that. Edited October 6, 2014 by venusishername
Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 I haven't read through all of the posts in thorough detail, and I don't have to because your first post in the thread speaks volumes. I don't think it's your girlfriend that's the problem you need to focus on here at all. Re-read what you have wrote above. No woman wants to be with a controlling and jealous man. It sounds to me like the girl was so afraid to tell you the truth, which would have sounded like this: 'hey, I'm going to go out to get something to eat with an old co-worker, do you remember Jason?' because she knew you would have flipped your lid and broken up with her. Oh yeah, you did that anyway after snooping in her purse because you 'felt like she wasn't being honest' with you. You confirmed her fears. Then you proceeded to 'break it off' with her, then came sniffing around and trying to backtrack because you thought you overreacted. What really happened is that you didn't really want to lose her, you were just being insecure and manipulative. I don't know the inside story on your relationship and what is between you, but your controlling and jealous behavior is glaringly obvious. I'm not excusing her behavior: if she felt she could trust that you wouldn't overreact and get jealous and break up with her, then she would've simply told you the truth. Instead, she feels that she can't. Whether or not she's lying to you or cheating, from what I'm reading it sounds like there's very little respect and trust between the two of you. That, on top of your being controlling and "trust issues" (aka jealousy and insecurity), is reason enough for one of you to call this one off. Do you actually need confirmation that she is seeing someone else to believe it? Believe this: if you keep acting like this, she WILL leave you for someone else. You keep breaking it off with her, but you keep going back. In the long run, your behaviors will push her beyond the point of no return and she won't want to take it anymore. She will continue to feel the need to lie to you because SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU because YOU don't trust or respect her. I can speak from experience with my last two long term boyfriends, who turned out to be controlling, jealous, and emotionally manipulative. I had dejavu reading what you wrote because I've been in her shoes. I'm so glad I got out of that. I'm not gonna lie, you actually are spot on with everything you just said. Yes people do make mistakes, actually mine is worth almost the whole entire relationship of mistakes. But the point is that she is still with me and is holding on, giving me a chance. This must mean something, she admitted that she still loves and cares about me and the reason she is still there and working with me is that she knows what we had before the controlling was happening. She wants that back and I believe it can happen. After all it's all within me, if I just let her be and give her all the trust then that should be enough right? Only down part to all this is that she seems less into me, like she won't initiate contact first anymore, she is less lovey doves, she's not sweet, she stopped saying babe and calls me by first name although our whole entire relationship she's always called me babe or honey. Is this temporary? I just want everything to be back, I loved her being sweet and I'm not use to it. Who knows, maybe she was never like that even in her past relationship, maybe that was part of me controlling her...but then again I remember her being the first to ever call me babe...anyways only time will tell. 2 years worth of damage can't be fixed overnight so mia keep my head high and set her free
Diezel Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 This woman has done a complete number on you. Your entire tone in this thread has shifted towards placing the blame on yourself. You can't even see how she has 180'd this on you.
Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 This woman has done a complete number on you. Your entire tone in this thread has shifted towards placing the blame on yourself. You can't even see how she has 180'd this on you. I guess I'm being blind, and being naive. But why would she stick around and want to keep trying if she wants to date other people...She know's she's beautiful and gorgeous. She has a lot of guys that are interested in her so why stick with me... That's the thing I don't understand which is why I'm still around and working in this. She's dated a lot of people so she knows what she wants In a relationship, she doesn't jump from relationship to another she said that when she's not into the guy anymore she'd rather break it off because she doesn't like stringing people along. I'm so confused now. Maybe I'm still blind to everything
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 But why would she stick around and want to keep trying if she wants to date other people... Because she can. Some people get off knowing they can play other people and they thrive on the attention of having so many interested. Yeah, I think you are blind and being played.
Author creyente7 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Because she can. Some people get off knowing they can play other people and they thrive on the attention of having so many interested. Yeah, I think you are blind and being played. I texted her yesterday saying I was hanging out with a girl. She got kinda jealous and started asking me who else would be with me, how long I was going for, and even said goodnight then bombed my phone with a bunch of pictures...Is that part of her playing me? Keep me hooked perhaps? She must be really smart to do that!
Diezel Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I guess I'm being blind, and being naive. But why would she stick around and want to keep trying if she wants to date other people...She know's she's beautiful and gorgeous. She has a lot of guys that are interested in her so why stick with me... That's the thing I don't understand which is why I'm still around and working in this. She's dated a lot of people so she knows what she wants In a relationship, she doesn't jump from relationship to another she said that when she's not into the guy anymore she'd rather break it off because she doesn't like stringing people along. I'm so confused now. Maybe I'm still blind to everything She's not "sticking around". You are sticking around. You are her fall back guy if everyone else fails. She's doing a great job of stringing you along. 1
Author creyente7 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 She's not "sticking around". You are sticking around. You are her fall back guy if everyone else fails. She's doing a great job of stringing you along. I guess you're right...well what the **** do I do? I like this girl a lot. I can break up with her now but that would mean I will lose the sex, the food she buys for me, all the things she wants to get me, she spends a **** ton of money on me. Or I can keep her but treat it like we're broken up. I really don't have a problem with this, I have emotionally detached myself already cuz I'm in a defensive mode. If I give this girl all of me she might just break my heart. I've gone days without thinking of her. Is it the psychological fact that we're still together why I can go on without thinking of her? To be honest, I feel like I'm stringing her along because I like the sex and all the gifts she gets me. Decisions decisions...no sex and gifts. Or keep her for sex and gifts and hope she comes around...
Diezel Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I guess you're right...well what the **** do I do? I like this girl a lot. I can break up with her now but that would mean I will lose the sex, the food she buys for me, all the things she wants to get me, she spends a **** ton of money on me. Or I can keep her but treat it like we're broken up. I really don't have a problem with this, I have emotionally detached myself already cuz I'm in a defensive mode. If I give this girl all of me she might just break my heart. I've gone days without thinking of her. Is it the psychological fact that we're still together why I can go on without thinking of her? To be honest, I feel like I'm stringing her along because I like the sex and all the gifts she gets me. Decisions decisions...no sex and gifts. Or keep her for sex and gifts and hope she comes around... Um, you can lie to yourself all you want. Stop lying to us.
Tayken Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You're dating a girl who's dating someone else. You're a cuckold. If you don't end the relationship immediately, everything that happens afterwards is on you, not her. You nailed it (no pun intended). I mean we all know of self proclaimed serial daters, and if you already know or have an incline of this OP...it behoves you to take the moral high road. Nobody wants to be made to look like a fool. She can't go be chasing some fairy, only to want to come back to you when Mr wonderful has shown his true colour. Don't allow yourself to be the backup plan....NEVER.
bubbaganoosh Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I guess you're right...well what the **** do I do? I like this girl a lot. I can break up with her now but that would mean I will lose the sex, the food she buys for me, all the things she wants to get me, she spends a **** ton of money on me. Or I can keep her but treat it like we're broken up. I really don't have a problem with this, I have emotionally detached myself already cuz I'm in a defensive mode. If I give this girl all of me she might just break my heart. I've gone days without thinking of her. Is it the psychological fact that we're still together why I can go on without thinking of her? To be honest, I feel like I'm stringing her along because I like the sex and all the gifts she gets me. Decisions decisions...no sex and gifts. Or keep her for sex and gifts and hope she comes around... How about this. Buy your own food and gifts. If this is all your after, a piece of ass, her doing you grocery shopping and buying you gifts, then IMO your no better than her. 2
Author creyente7 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 How about this. Buy your own food and gifts. If this is all your after, a piece of ass, her doing you grocery shopping and buying you gifts, then IMO your no better than her. Well untill she can prove herself worthy of my attention and love. I have no problem loving this girl.
Recommended Posts