nomadic_butterfly Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) So I'm a professional woman with entrepreneurial pursuits as well. I have a corporate job, make decent money and really, it's only up from here with my side projects and business I am developing. I just can't find myself dating a guy who works in retail or at a convenience store, or anywhere like that. I prefer professional men who work corporate or are self employed. I am extremely ambitious and only see myself with someone with the same kind of drive; otherwise, I'd view the guy as kind of lazy or complacent and he would think I am too hard on him. A lot of the people I know who are settled down have a run of the mill kind of job and their partners do too. Nothing fancy for the most part. Could I be passing up something good by not dating men with certain level of achievement? Can anyone else relate to this? Today I was out shopping and three guys hit on me but I said thank you when they complimented me on how I look but wouldn't give them my number. A light bulb kind of went off later. Some guys have told me I was very intimidating including my close male friends. They say I have my stuff together coupled with "high expectations" so that would scare a lot of men. I'm also a free spirit and very independent. I'm in my mid 20s so I am looking to settle down so a man with financial and emotional stability is critical to me. Edited October 5, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly
exhausted88 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Men that have steady jobs but aren't in professional positions are just as great. Maybe they enjoy a more uncomplicated life and like to spend there spare time with what matter e.g.. family and friends, rather then worrying about matters back at work. You could find a professional man and chances are his job will always come before you. They are positives and negatives to all men. Just because he is career minded and has money does not make him a good man. Just something to think about. 2
somedude81 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 "The more things change, the more the stay the same." I am extremely ambitious and only see myself with someone with the same kind of drive; otherwise, I'd view the guy as kind of lazy or complacent and he would think I am too hard on him. A lot of the people I know who are settled down have a run of the mill kind of job and their partners do too. Nothing fancy for the most part. That's what you claim. But in the end you are still looking like an ambitious, successful man, the same that women have been looking for, for thousands of years. Even though you have your own money, you still want a man who can "support" you. 2
quidproquo89 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I work in retail and own my own business - does that make me superior or inferior to OP's expectations lol
quidproquo89 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 So I'm a professional woman with entrepreneurial pursuits as well. I have a corporate job, make decent money and really, it's only up from here with my side projects and business I am developing. I just can't find myself dating a guy who works in retail or at a convenience store, or anywhere like that. I prefer professional men who work corporate or are self employed. I am extremely ambitious and only see myself with someone with the same kind of drive; otherwise, I'd view the guy as kind of lazy or complacent and he would think I am too hard on him. A lot of the people I know who are settled down have a run of the mill kind of job and their partners do too. Nothing fancy for the most part. Could I be passing up something good by not dating men with certain level of achievement? Can anyone else relate to this? Today I was out shopping and three guys hit on me but I said thank you when they complimented me on how I look but wouldn't give them my number. A light bulb kind of went off later. Some guys have told me I was very intimidating including my close male friends. They say I have my stuff together coupled with "high expectations" so that would scare a lot of men. I'm also a free spirit and very independent. I'm in my mid 20s so I am looking to settle down so a man with financial and emotional stability is critical to me. yes, yes you are!
LoneIsland Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Don't really see a problem. There are plenty of professional men out there. A dating profile of "professional seeking professional" should do the trick.
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Don't really see a problem. There are plenty of professional men out there. A dating profile of "professional seeking professional" should do the trick. I was just trying to be introspective and objectively examine my current stance and approach the men I'd consider dating :-)
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 I work in retail and own my own business - does that make me superior or inferior to OP's expectations lol Well having your own business would not make you "inferior." Lol. I don't view anyone as inferior just perhaps not what I would go for personally. One of the businesses I am working on happens to be retail ;-) but I'll be an owner.
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Electricians make good money. Yea, my dad and a few of my uncles are electricians. A man that's good with his hands is always a nice touch. But my dad owns his business and most of my life has has ran businesses. My uncles do well for themselves too. One makes like $150k+ and owns several businesses and rental properties.
Yookie Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Your mistake is looking for a clone of yourself... it will never work. Look for someone who compliments your talents. Don't judge by profession alone. Get to know a person before you decide if he can fit in with your lifestyle. 2
Noproblem Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I understand what you are saying I can't see my self with someone who are satifsifed with what he's got I want someone who is ambitious like me You sure are passing on so many good guys You never know what you can learn from people who work in stores and sales Someone out there is ambitious and you and him can build an empire.. Who knows! Or he can be just that one who pushes you to be better! 1
irc333 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Nomadic, how would you feel about dating a career school teacher? Though the pay is sufficient, it's not entirely lucrative as the "big city" corporate world, but more of the "Just right" realm. So I'm a professional woman with entrepreneurial pursuits as well. I have a corporate job, make decent money and really, it's only up from here with my side projects and business I am developing. I just can't find myself dating a guy who works in retail or at a convenience store, or anywhere like that. I prefer professional men who work corporate or are self employed. I am extremely ambitious and only see myself with someone with the same kind of drive; otherwise, I'd view the guy as kind of lazy or complacent and he would think I am too hard on him. A lot of the people I know who are settled down have a run of the mill kind of job and their partners do too. Nothing fancy for the most part. Could I be passing up something good by not dating men with certain level of achievement? Can anyone else relate to this? Today I was out shopping and three guys hit on me but I said thank you when they complimented me on how I look but wouldn't give them my number. A light bulb kind of went off later. Some guys have told me I was very intimidating including my close male friends. They say I have my stuff together coupled with "high expectations" so that would scare a lot of men. I'm also a free spirit and very independent. I'm in my mid 20s so I am looking to settle down so a man with financial and emotional stability is critical to me.
Els Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) I don't think your expectations are 'too high' per se. But you also say you want to 'settle down' in your mid 20s - I assume you mean marry? IMO the majority of successful and ambitious male professionals/entrepreneurs are not likely to do that. I don't necessarily mean that they will be players - some of them are capable of being monogamous and committed - but their focus is not going to be on marrying (or having kids) at an early age . These two requirements are likely to clash, and it's possible you may have to make a decision as to which one is more important to you (unless you end up dating someone older). At any rate I don't think you need to adjust your preferences to suit anyone. We are all entitled to our own preferences, and you can't control attraction. But make sure this is really something that YOU need, for compatibility or for attraction. Not borne out of a desire for societal recognition or 'what you think a professional woman is supposed to do'. Edited October 5, 2014 by Elswyth
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I don't think your expectations are 'too high' per se. But you also say you want to 'settle down' in your mid 20s - I assume you mean marry? IMO the majority of successful and ambitious male professionals/entrepreneurs are not likely to do that. I don't necessarily mean that they will be players - some of them are capable of being monogamous and committed - but their focus is not going to be on marrying (or having kids) at an early age . These two requirements are likely to clash, and it's possible you may have to make a decision as to which one is more important to you (unless you end up dating someone older). At any rate I don't think you need to adjust your preferences to suit anyone. We are all entitled to our own preferences, and you can't control attraction. But make sure this is really something that YOU need, for compatibility or for attraction. Not borne out of a desire for societal recognition or 'what you think a professional woman is supposed to do'. Yea, I am referring to marriage. I generally date older guys in their 30s since they are more apt to be decisive and ready to settle down. I use to not date anyone under four years older but now that I am in my mid-20s I'll even date a little younger (24) if the situation is right. Yea, you are right. I've dated guys in the past not as ambitious as I, ok with mediocrity but I've always been an "overachiever" entrepreneurially and otherwise. My parents have also ran businesses together and I am looking for someone who is business minded as well so we can build our empire together.
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Nomadic, how would you feel about dating a career school teacher? Though the pay is sufficient, it's not entirely lucrative as the "big city" corporate world, but more of the "Just right" realm. A teacher who eventually wants to be a director or board member? Sure! I dated a guy before (we're still friends) that started off as a teacher and is working his way up the executive board. Just got promoted as a director over a school district. He is really passionate about kids and education and those are noble qualities. I just don't want to drive anyone mad with the level of ambition I have. Both of my exes also run businesses and are very smart people. We parted over personality/stage of life differences, not so much over the career part of it. They were supportive in my entrepreneurial endeavors and vice versa. I'm all for being a go-getter's cheerleader.
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 Men that have steady jobs but aren't in professional positions are just as great. Maybe they enjoy a more uncomplicated life and like to spend there spare time with what matter e.g.. family and friends, rather then worrying about matters back at work. You could find a professional man and chances are his job will always come before you. They are positives and negatives to all men. Just because he is career minded and has money does not make him a good man. Just something to think about. Not about money as much as frame of mind and drive. The money usually follows after that. I also have a certain lifestyle I will live that entails money. Both the consumption of it within my family and also some charity/volunteer causes I am passionate about.
venusishername Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) Not about money as much as frame of mind and drive. The money usually follows after that. I also have a certain lifestyle I will live that entails money. I can completely relate to you. I'm also highly ambitious overachiever with an education and a professional career. I used to date musicians and electricians! Now that I'm more serious about finding a partner as my equal I'm finding the pickings are VERY slim as a woman of almost 31 :/ I've also wondered the same as you are, but I don't think we are being too picky to expect ambition out of our partner we choose for long term potential/marriage. I know I personally could NEVER be with someone lazy or who didn't have work ethic similar to mine. As I've gotten older and settled into my career and lifestyle (which requires a solid and stable income), I find meeting men of the same mindset isn't so easy anymore. They are definitely out there though. You just have to figure out what's important to you. What I've come to realize is that I want a man who can provide total security and stability (even though I have my own career and would not depend on him completely.) However, if I DO need to lean on him (like if pregnant or raising children), I don't want my future husband or boyfriend to be picking up the family and traveling around the country without roots, and flying by the seat of his pants when it comes to work. I don't think it's being too picky. Being an independent woman you can choose to be, right? Edited October 8, 2014 by venusishername 2
bromantic Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 If you found out a man interested in you had ZERO ambition but had $17,985,654.89 in the bank. What would be his chances?
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) If you found out a man interested in you had ZERO ambition but had $17,985,654.89 in the bank. What would be his chances? Well that would only mean he hit the lottery, got some kind of settlement or inheritance and it would not last in the long run without ambition and a plan to generate some residuals and continue flipping it. He'd have 0 chance. If Mike Tyson could go broke after amassing a fortune of $150+ million, how much more someone with only 10-12% of that? That's why mentality is the most important part. If you spend a dollar from 5 million it's no longer 5 million. All spend and no saving/investing is not good. I have my own plans and gifts and talents to contribute. I could be a "trophy wife" if I were lazy and lacked ambition myself (had a few offers from rich men) but I will not let my talents or strong work ethic go to waste. Edited October 9, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly 1
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 I can completely relate to you. I'm also highly ambitious overachiever with an education and a professional career. I used to date musicians and electricians! Now that I'm more serious about finding a partner as my equal I'm finding the pickings are VERY slim as a woman of almost 31 :/ I've also wondered the same as you are, but I don't think we are being too picky to expect ambition out of our partner we choose for long term potential/marriage. I know I personally could NEVER be with someone lazy or who didn't have work ethic similar to mine. As I've gotten older and settled into my career and lifestyle (which requires a solid and stable income), I find meeting men of the same mindset isn't so easy anymore. I don't think it's being too picky. Being an independent woman you can choose to be, right? I think dating in general can be tough once you have standards; the higher they are the harder it is. I've found some men have been very intimidated by my work ethic and ambition; have even been told it's unbecoming of a woman. Oh well...the right kind of person will love and appreciate everything that makes me me. We just need super secure men who are out there moving and shaking things! 1
Arieswoman Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 nomadic butterfly, I don't think you are being "too picky". You want a man who is self-sufficient and has ambition, and I can't see anything wrong with that. Don't ever drop your standards - you will regret it if you do. Sadly this is true ;- I've found some men have been very intimidated by my work ethic and ambition; have even been told it's unbecoming of a woman. I was in the same position as you when I got divorced and some so-called friends told me I was being "too choosy". Some of these girls where having affairs with MM !! I had to wait over 10 years for "Mr Right" but he was worth the wait. I didn't want to settle for toxic relationships with barflys, MM, slobs and guys looking for a meal-ticket. Now I have a guy who shares my religious beliefs, is in employment and pulls his weight in the marriage. You may have to wait longer than others for a life partner - I did - but you must be true to yourself. I would suggest you put yourself out there where these guys are, business conferences, exhibitions, seminars etc. Good luck x 3
jesshurun Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) Not about money as much as frame of mind and drive. I find your post rather intriguing as a man who shares a similar thought in a world where most women want to be seduced, married and impregnated with little to no ambition other than the one's listed. However this are the gender roles given to us and I've learned to accept them. I will state the following with no intention other than to illustrate a point. I am the guy you have been looking for. Now, don't miss interpreter my words. I have dated women with such high complex standards like yours and as a dating coach have surrounded myself with very successful men and have come to the realization that very successful men with the right frame of mind, emotional stability and natural drive (the one's you are aiming for) are scares and too busy to be hitting on women that are out shopping, this type of men naturally attracts females and therefore don't have the time or need to engage in such activities. The thing is, men choose women where's women have to wait to be chosen (unless your on some dating site actively looking for one) so naturally a single man like this could take some time for you to find. You may come across as an intimidating woman because again your are portraying parts of the male gender role therefore you are scaring the poor bastards who only want to get to know you. I won't say your too picky but changing the way you go about it could be beneficial as not having to wait 10 years (like Arieswoman stated) is definitely a plus. Edited October 9, 2014 by jesshurun
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 nomadic butterfly, I don't think you are being "too picky". You want a man who is self-sufficient and has ambition, and I can't see anything wrong with that. Don't ever drop your standards - you will regret it if you do. Sadly this is true ;- I was in the same position as you when I got divorced and some so-called friends told me I was being "too choosy". Some of these girls where having affairs with MM !! I had to wait over 10 years for "Mr Right" but he was worth the wait. I didn't want to settle for toxic relationships with barflys, MM, slobs and guys looking for a meal-ticket. Now I have a guy who shares my religious beliefs, is in employment and pulls his weight in the marriage. You may have to wait longer than others for a life partner - I did - but you must be true to yourself. I would suggest you put yourself out there where these guys are, business conferences, exhibitions, seminars etc. Good luck x Funny you should mention that! Got invited to a charity wine tasting event tomorrow! I love volunteering and if I met someone while doing so, I would be ecstatic. It's kind of hard to find people as passionate about stuff like that these days without wanting a pat on the back or kudos for it. This year I've really become a lot more social that I have in years. I will continue to attend functions with like-minded individuals...and who knows? 1
Author nomadic_butterfly Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 I will state the following with no intention other than to illustrate a point. I am the guy you have been looking for. Now, don't miss interpreter my words. I have dated women with such high complex standards like yours and as a dating coach have surrounded myself with very successful men and have come to the realization that very successful men with the right frame of mind, emotional stability and natural drive (the one's you are aiming for) are scares and too busy to be hitting on women that are out shopping, this type of men naturally attracts females and therefore don't have the time or need to engage in such activities. The thing is, men choose women where's women have to wait to be chosen (unless your on some dating site actively looking for one) so naturally a single man like this could take some time for you to find. You may come across as an intimidating woman because again your are portraying parts of the male gender role therefore you are scaring the poor bastards who only want to get to know you. I won't say your too picky but changing the way you go about it could be beneficial as not having to wait 10 years (like Arieswoman stated) is definitely a plus. Oh wow. Thanks for your insight! Highlight valuable. I've never really thought about it like that. I am sure successful men have tons of women out there throwing themselves at them but I definitely couldn't find myself doing that solely because he is successful (or for any other reason really). I'd be the one girl playing it cool, even if I found him physically attractive and knew he had his stuff together. I'd much rather entertain him with interesting conversation and if he so chooses to take it in a romantic direction, I would consider and comply . I'm a bit old school too so I don't really directly approach guys but give the signals with body language if I am interested. I'm kind of surprised these men are "scares" considering I'd generally think them to be alphas who go in for the kill if they see something they want. They are after all "go-getters;" maybe I had an incorrect assumption? You're right, I've accused of having masculine energy "emotionally" in that I make decisions based on reason and not so much emotion and as such I will not entertain a futile situation/thought, regardless of how I "feel" if I deem it pointless in the grand scheme of things. I travel a lot and in every country/city have managed to meet business men and I love our conversations which usually are strictly about business, projects they are working on, etc. Most I've encountered though have been married or living in some far away place that wouldn't make for a long term relationship on a practical level. I am kind of over online dating.
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