NTB Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 so i went out last night with a couple of friends and we had a pretty good time. they are trying to keep me busy considering my recent break up, which i am still not over but i am working on moving on and doing the whole NC stuff and just doing stuff for me.... so here is the thing, i go out last nite, hang out and meet a girl. one of my boys introduced us so i figured i'd be nice and say hi how are you and that would be it. (considering i didn't want to place time into meeting anyone new and i know they are trying to set me up, i know they try to be nice but really i just want to move on at my pace not their's) so i say hi she says hi and then she is all over like white on rice flirting touching me and trying to play with my hair, so i am thinking maybe my pal here told her about my break up and to give me some pity nookie cause according to him the only way i will get over my ex is to go out and have as much pie as possible i disagree but hey that's his point of view. so i tell her i just got out of a relationship and really i am not ready for anything just thinking that my pal had told her to me with me for the heck of it. next thing i know she is telling me that nobody wants her and she just came out tonight to see if guys still find her attractive cause her husband doesn't anymore at this point i was frozen still back at the fact that she just told me she HAS A HUSBAND well i don't really know how much more she said after that cause i was still hanging on the husband part but still i get myself together and tell her she is pretty but still i can't cause i am in love with my ex. i say my good bye and i am out the door. so my pal being the guy that he is unknown to me gave her my number.....so about 30 minutes ago i get a call i don't answer (thinking it is my ex cause i am trying to stay strong with the NC rule) i listen to the voice mail and it is the married chick talking about your buddy gave me your # after you left, you didn't give me a chance to give you mine...............??????? i called which now i am thinking maybe i shouldn't have, but anyway i call and tell her that maybe she misunderstood and that i didn't want to be with her in any way........her answer "okay i will call you later and we can talk" am i clueless here or did i not tell her i wasn't interested........ so question here is do i need to change my number? if she calls later should i answer her call or not?
Sckott Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Woah. Well, you don't have anything to worry about until she calls. Make sure your answering machine has a generic answer to it and don't answer the phone unless you have called ID and you know who it is... Man.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Oh my God that was me like six years ago. I went to the bar after work with two guys and another girl from work, and ended up crying in the bathroom cuz my marriage sucked at the time, my hubby was neglecting me and I felt old and unattractive. The one guy was single and hot and told me I was a beautiful woman and gave me a quick kiss (with tongue) as we left! I was mystified to say the least. Well I ended up going out many more times and this time really poured on the flirt tactics and ended up fooling aorund with this guy once and there were more and now my marriage is over. You are doing the right thing for not feeding her ego. That is something she needs to work out with her husband.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 am i clueless here or did i not tell her i wasn't interested........ Yes, but the fact that you called showed her, that in her mind you had a vulnerability to her or else you wouldn't have called, despite what you said when you called. You may be saying you aren't interested, but she may be following her perception of your actions not your words. She isn't paying attention to what you said, she is only paying attention to the fact that you called her. "okay i will call you later and we can talk" If she calls, just say "I'm not interested in you, and don't call me again." Short, to the point, giving no possible 'ins' for her to work with. You aren't playing hard-to-get, you aren't playing 'chase-me', you aren't playing phone-tag, you will be making it crystal clear that you aren't playing, period. Some people just need it spelled out for them. Otherwise, she'll wear you down and suck you in. You can also ask your friends to knock it out. For all you know they are encouraging it.
Author NTB Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 okay so i read your replies and thought this is nothing........so first of all i didn't really think she would call but to my surprise she did, i mean this lady doesn't even know me i mean we met once, hell i don't even remember her name cause i was just like whatever and here she is calling me. well i will try to make keep this short........so she calls me last night i see the number and thought no way she is really calling me so i decided not to pick up her call. she call me like 7 times last night finally i was getting heated and i picked up and said hello. she is all like "did i wake you?" hell it is 2am and how could i get to sleep in the first place with her calling so i tell her "before you say anything else, i want to tell you not to call me anymore i'm not into you or anything your offering" then she starts crying on the phone telling me she only wanted somebody to talk to and nobody listens to her and then i start feeling like scum cause i was mean to her and needless to say she spent an hour on the phone with me crying and telling me how she married young and all this stuff. so finally i said i gotta go hope everything works out for you but please just don't call. now i know i shouldn't have let her cry and talk all that babble she was talking when she called but i felt bad trying to hang up on her when she was crying. but i did tell her not to call me, so when i end the phone call again she is like "can i call you later" so i freaked out i mean i told her a whole bunch of times how i don't want her calling and she asks that! so i tell her "hell no man! don't call me anymore" then she is like "your such a jerk just like all the others" how did i become the jerk here?...........i should have just hung up on her anyway thanks for the advice...........
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 how did i become the jerk here? Because in her twisted sense of reality, you led her on by allowing her to talk to you about personal stuff. I can hear it now... "I poured my heart out to you, I thought you cared about me, I thought you were different, I told you things that I couldn't tell anyone else... blah blah blah (insert further guilt-inducing crap here)." She didn't listen to you saying "don't call me" - she only paid attention to the fact that you answered her call and talked to her. In reality? You aren't a jerk, and yes you probably should have just hung up after you told her you weren't into her. Like I said, some people who are needy and desperate will create a reality for themselves in which every little thing you say and do gives them some glimmer of hope and they will blow it out of proportion hugely. I call people like this 'emotional black holes' - they draw you to them, and the closer you allow yourself to get while trying to make a polite escape, the closer you are drawn to your doom. I feel really bad for her that she sat by the phone calling you over and over and over with the blind hope that you would pick up, but her problems are her responsibility. Not yours, or anyone else's. The sooner she faces that stark reality, the better. She's the jerk for trying to pull you into her misery and then getting angry with you when you rightfully refused her.
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