rose27 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I was with someone for 4 years (we broke up in 2011) and I believe he was my first love. The weirdest thing about this guy is that although we had such a turbulent relationship at the time, we always had a crazy connection whenever we were reunited - fireworks and all! I bumped into him 2 months ago and I just couldn't shake that feeling I always get when I'm around him, that feeling when my heart would literally jump out of my chest. I always put it down to those familiar feelings you shared with someone for so long. Am I wrong? Anyway, my ex is getting married today and I've been feeling extremely depressed about it! I'm in a new relationship too, so I do feel slightly guilty for feeling this way. It's not that I'm in love with my ex, but I guess there are times I think "that could have been me". I guess I feel like I failed in some ways because another girl won his heart and he actually wanted to marry her. In retrospect, I probably did dodge a bullet because we definitely wouldn't have been able to make a marriage work back then with the issues we had at the time. Has anyone else ever felt this way about an ex getting married? **I will note that I'm not one of those insane people who crash ceremonies to declare my love for the groom, that just way too Hollywood for me.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 It's normal to feel that way. It's normal to feel pain at an ex being happy with somebody new. It's normal even when you don't have any feelings for them or want to be with them anymore. I know it would hurt me quite a bit if I found out if two of my three serious exes were in new relationships or getting married. The one that doesn't bother me is because it ended fairly amicably and was more my decision than his. The other two both dumped me, when I was in love with them, so the thought of them being with someone else when they chose not to be with me causes me feelings of sadness, and rejection. Don't sweat it. It doesn't mean you are any less into your new partner. It's just nostalgia, wondering what could have been, and a touch of sadness. 2
Haerts Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Be happy that you're in a new relationship too! I haven't heard of guys who I've had feelings for that are getting married, but I do know one of them has been in a serious relationship for about 2 years and when I discovered I was a bit hurt. But at the same time I just tried to think this way: we tried, it didn't work, he deserves to be happy too and so do I. Eventually I'll get to meet someone too! Turns out 2 years after I only got to date one guy, who only lasted 2 months and I had to break up. But I know it hurts. It sure does. That someone who you once wanted, is now with someone else and getting married. But at least you have someone with you. Would be worse if you were single. 1
thenotemakers Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 @rose27: I can relate a bit to your story, friend. Transitions are a little hard when it involves relationships, and they can be even more difficult in the circumstances you mentioned. Have you thought about doing something out of ordinary that can keep your mind occupied? Does reading books help? Just one final thought – have you shared your feelings with a counselor yet? Hope you’ll feel alright very soon! TheNoteMakers 1
insert_name Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I think this probably applies to most people, as I would imagine its quite common to have an ex with whom there was a difficult love/hate relationship where, as time goes on, their faults seem more trivial and their better qualities even more desirable. Plus the really annoying thing about relationships is that we can only evaluate them against the people we meet afterwards, in order to understand if the grass really was greener. Your post certainly resonates with me OP as I had a similar experience. I was also with a girl for 4 years, but we argued so much that it no longer worked. We split and I since realised that there is no other girl out there that will ever come close to being who she is. We got talking for the first time since the split 5 years later on Facebook, where she dropped the bombshell that she was getting married. I felt exactly the same as you- playing out the scenario in my head of us getting married and knowing that it was never going to happen. I was also struggling with still not being able to get over her so this was crushing news. She also took the opportunity to tell me how great her new husband to be was and how she could never have married me and that, just like her I would know when I had met the right person because of how wonderful it would feel etc etc. Each word was like a knife in my heart and we had a row because she couldn't understand why I couldn't be happy that she had found happiness. I asked her whether she could at least tell me that our 4 years were not in vain and that she did enjoy the time we had together, that it meant something....worse even than replying and telling me no, she just didn't reply at all and I have not spoken to her since. I don't even know if she is still alive even, I know nothing more about her other than that I still think about her often and what she is doing now and whether she is still happy. i feel that, at my age, I have enough life experience behind me to be as sure as I can that there will never be anyone like her. But, that's the way it goes. I made the choices that i did for the reasons that i did- it all seemed to make sense at the time. I hope your mileage will vary better than mine. You seem to have the right attitude that there were good reasons why you are not with this person. Keep those in mind at all times. Don't fall into the trap of minimising their flaws and concentrating on their good points. 1
Author rose27 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Sorry for the very late reply, I have been flat out and I didn't get a chance to check in on this post. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It's quite comforting to know that I'm not alone!
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I felt a punch in the gut when I learned an EX had gotten married. He was the one who got away. I spent some time wondering what she had that I didn't. The feeling fades. 3
Miss Clavel Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 i would totally go to the wedding and start shouting the moment the officiant asked "is there anyone here that knows any reason these two should not be joined''? then, after they carted me out, i'd remind myself that every single time i've been with any man that gave me butterflies, or i felt a rapid heartbeat/flush/tingling/thrill, it was because my body was trying to tell me, DANGER.
Gloria25 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Yea, you can't help but go through the "what if's" when someone you got involved with moved on... Me posting about "manipulative women" got me remembering about that guy, and you know, before he met me and the "town ho" he was already divorced from a woman who manipulated him...and after the town ho told him to take a hike, he still didn't learn... I ran into him and found out he married a foreign hispanic chick he met in her country - only after 6 months of "dating" her.... :roll eyes: I think they're divorce now anyways.... I mean, I couldn't and still can't get why he gave me such a hard time, but fell like a ton of bricks for those chicks...So yeah, you can't help but ask yourself questions about yourself when these things happen.
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