Haerts Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Our relationship is(was) very recent. I've been with many guys before, but never got into a serious relationship with them. I did with him, 'cause I thought he's worth it. We were together for 2 months only. Some stuff were happening and making me feel insecure. I'm not an insecure person, but it's like he was trying hard to see me jealous or to be insecure, because he's VERY insecure himself. I had already told him a few times that that's something he has to work on. Turns out that this week things just kept getting worse and worse, as the days passed by. It got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and decided I should break up, 'cause I honestly started to think he didn't give a **** about me and was just making me feel sad most of the time. I was so confused and lost that I didn't want to have any conversation, just break up, and that's what I did last night. We met and I said that I've been thinking about us and that I wanted to break up. He said "okay then", like it meant nothing. I was already expecting that. I said I was feeling well and happy and he agreed that if that's the case, then we should really break up. Then I cried, he hugged me, but he went his own way then and I came home. I couldn't stop crying, but when I stopped I finally realized that it was the best, I was feeling well, wasn't regretting my decision and was ready to move on... until I check my phone and see that he texted me saying he loves me, that he doesn't understand why I did that to us, that he wants me back and that we saw a future with us together. I'm not one for playing games, like answering the other day, or days later, or weeks, so I replied him saying that I love him too and that if he wanted, we could talk about it. He said that that wasn't the best moment to have a conversation, that he's confused, he's not sure what he made to make me feel this way and that he's not sure what he wants now, that he needs time to think about it. And I agreed. Turns out I realized that maybe I shouldn't have gone straight to breaking up with him. I should've talked to him about what was wrong to see if we could fix things. I know that the people who answered me on the other thread prior breaking up will say that I made the best decision, but I still love him so much and I already miss him. Now I got to the conclusion that I'd like to try once again, but he said he needed time and I don't wanna text/call him all the time to talk about it. In fact we haven't talked since that little text-convo. Should I go NC with him? Should I send him a quick text saying I regret what I did and that I'd like to talk to him? Should I wait a few days before I do so? Should I wait for him to come after me? I don't know what to do. But one thing I'm sure of: he was the best guy I could find and I don't want him to go now. Has anyone gone through something similar? What did you do? How did they react? I'm so lost. If only he didn't send me that text last night, I would see it like "oh well, he doesn't care. time to move on". But it seemed like he does care... so confused.
Author Haerts Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Just ignore this post. Like I said, I'm feeling lost, but I'm sure I made the best decision. As the hours pass by, I keep finding more things that made me sad and a friend of mine opened my eyes when she said that the good things I'm mentioning, are the basic things a couple should have, but the bad things are things that shouldn't be happening at all. I'm sure it all comes down to his insecurity, not being able to open up, hiding everything, accepting everything that happens even when he's not okay with that, being mysterious just to make me feel jealous, and all the stuff he use to do to manipulate my security. I'm sure relationships are not like that. I should be with someone that makes me feel happy all the time and that wants me to make them happy too. Relationships can't work if only one side is willing to try; both sides need to be there. Now I'm laughing because I realized that I made a thread and I'm answering myself. I'm gonna try to save this just so I always come back, read everything and understand that it's time to move on.
Frank2thepoint Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Hello Haerts. Sorry for your loss and your predicament. I feel your pain about a fresh breakup. I too was in a short relationship that just ended recently. I am slowly recovering from the hurt and pain, but I do still think very fondly of my ex-girlfriend. Your friend is partially correct that good things should be happening in a relationship. But bad things sometimes happen, in all relationships. What that bad thing decides the fate of a relationship. All relationships have bumps along the way. Concerning what you said about how your ex-boyfriend was insecure, didn't open up, secretive, being very accepting regardless of the situation, and manipulative, are negative qualities that will destroy a relationship. Listen, everyone has insecurities and sometimes feel unappreciated. This happens. But when it spills over into a relationship constantly, then it becomes toxic. A good, enduring relationship is not like that. It requires work, patience, communication, honesty, trust, understanding, and compromise. And yes both members have to do all of that, to ensure the success of the relationship. It is very good you recognized the negative qualities of your ex outweigh the positive, and that you will not go back with him. Good for you.
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