Kitchen Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Ex-gf let me for another man about 15 months ago. Ours was a messy situation; basically we weren't dating when she left me, we had broken up well before that. But we were in the limbo phase, where we weren't a "couple" but acted like one. The reason we broke up was due to a stupid fight, where she ended it but quickly wanted it back. We both had massive egos, I was too proud to just take her back without her asking, and she was too proud to ask, and hence we went into limbo. Anyway she started seeing some guy, and again I was too proud to try to win her back. She wasn't really into him (she told me back then), but she was eager to get engaged so she went ahead with it. Our chemistry was second to none (theirs didn't even come close, she told me). This was all in the beginning. Finally I lost it and went to the beg/plead stage, but that drove her away, and it was over. We stopped talking. But from everything she told me, I knew she wasn't crazy for him, from what I've heard from mutual friends, and from the way she acted. I am still convinced of that today. I was a mess then, but I'm better now. We are in very light contact after not talking for 7-8 months. There was a good period into their relationship where I knew if I went after her I could have gotten her back. I feel like that moment has passed - I feel she is ready to settle for this dude (remember she wants marriage asap). I'm at a point where sure, I have some feelings, but it's not like I'm in heartache or anything. I know they'll get engaged any day now, which I'm prepared for mentally. Idk what to do. She told me multiple times in the beginning how he wasn't that exciting for her. Then I heard from a mutual friend she told the same thing. And there are many other signs too, too much to type out. I think it might be the point of no return, like I said. Could it be possible she's grown to be in love w/him after not feeling the chemistry for so long? Is that possible? I guess if you're preparing to get engaged to someone you convince yourself that you are head over heels for him. I guess this is a part me just typing out my feelings, and part asking for advice. What should I do? I haven't loved anyone the way I loved her, and vice versa. Our honeymoon phase never ended. Butterflies were always there. Wish I can find that excitement again in someone.
Haerts Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Our honeymoon phase never ended. Butterflies were always there. It ended. Not for you, but it did for her. It doesn't matters if she thinks you were more exciting or whatever. What matters here is that SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Put that in your mind. You can't find anyone else attractive because you keep thinking that she's perfect and nobody else will ever stand a chance beside her. That's not true. I can tell you something that happened with me earlier this year. I met a guy who was a GREAT match to me. I mean, we had everything you can possibly imagine in common. My favorite band is also his favorite band, we had very similar tastes about everything, conversations would never end, or go on silence, or anything. We always had great times together, we'd go to every kind of program you can possibly imagine, we would text daily... it was very very intense... until the day I fell in love with him and he didn't for me. I told him how I was feeling and what was his reaction? He ran away. Said we should stop things because he wasn't sure he would ever feel the same way. He liked me, he enjoyed being with me, but he wasn't ready for a relationship (not sure if with me, or if he wasn't really looking for one). I couldn't believe it, I thought he was feeling the same for me, his actions said so - except he wasn't. I struggled about 3 months thinking about him daily, because he was perfect in my mind. One day, I finally realized that he may be perfect, but he was not perfect for me. If he was, he would've been with me. That's when I decided to go out, I met new people, and then I finally met someone who made me forget the little bit of him that still haunted my life. With that said, I think you should allow yourself to meet someone new. You deserve it. You know you do. Just go out more often, find things to do that you enjoy, allow yourself to meet new girls, even if at the beginning you're not -that- into her. Eventually you'll meet someone who will be a good match for you. Forget that girl, move on and go live your life.
Author Kitchen Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Well I meant it never ended while we were in a relationship (which lasted like a year), and even after while we were close. Perhaps you're right, I should just forget about it given she's with someone else, even though I know she's just settling. I do go out and meet girls. Like I said I'm not hung up over it in that I'm depressed or anything. I'm at the phase where I'm looking back objectively. I've even hung out with her and her bf, and I don't get sad. I'm okay now. I've met and hooked up with tons of girls...yet it hasn't worked out with any yet. It's just frustrating. And not bc I keep rejecting them, it happens both ways.
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