DirtyHairy Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey So I rarely come on here and post but have been having a pretty hard time as of late. I was in a ~3 year relationship and was living the dream (high school sweethearts, went to different colleges, came back for more school to be with her...just before school she left. She slept around. She is happy now with some guy) took me about 8 months to move on from her and worked on myself did lots for myself but found myself constantly searching for someone else. Found this girl and we had tons in common and fell for her like I never had before. Did lots together then she pulled away, then got close, then pulled away a few times. Only dated for 5ish months. Anyways she ended it with me without really telling me why but I suspect she wasn't ready for a relationship as serious as I wanted. Haven't seen her for over a month but I am still very hurt about being left once again by someone I loved. Now I'm an attractive guy still young (22) and have a solid education and a bright future. I was just looking for some advice on how to let things go. How long should I wait to start dating again? I geuss it should be till I loose the feeling I had but from my previous experience I was never over my old girlfriend until I got my new one, then I was completely over her tho. How do you guys and girls cope with the loss? In every one of my relationships (before the 3 year one as well) people leave me. Now I don't blame anyone for leaving me because everyone has to make choices and deserves to be happy and I just am not what makes them happy and that's okay but I deserve to be happy and deserve to be with someone who appreciates all the things I do for them. I feel I get taken for granted a bit and that I love to fiercely and to fast when I get in a relationship. Just been having a hard time and can't contain my emotions. I'm just sad that's all. I want to find someone who loves me and is as passionate about our relationship as I am. But it never ends up that way. That was a big ol block of text sorry about that.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey So I rarely come on here and post but have been having a pretty hard time as of late. I was in a ~3 year relationship and was living the dream (high school sweethearts, went to different colleges, came back for more school to be with her...just before school she left. She slept around. She is happy now with some guy) took me about 8 months to move on from her and worked on myself did lots for myself but found myself constantly searching for someone else. Found this girl and we had tons in common and fell for her like I never had before. Did lots together then she pulled away, then got close, then pulled away a few times. Only dated for 5ish months. Anyways she ended it with me without really telling me why but I suspect she wasn't ready for a relationship as serious as I wanted. Haven't seen her for over a month but I am still very hurt about being left once again by someone I loved. Now I'm an attractive guy still young (22) and have a solid education and a bright future. I was just looking for some advice on how to let things go. How long should I wait to start dating again? I geuss it should be till I loose the feeling I had but from my previous experience I was never over my old girlfriend until I got my new one, then I was completely over her tho. How do you guys and girls cope with the loss? In every one of my relationships (before the 3 year one as well) people leave me. Now I don't blame anyone for leaving me because everyone has to make choices and deserves to be happy and I just am not what makes them happy and that's okay but I deserve to be happy and deserve to be with someone who appreciates all the things I do for them. I feel I get taken for granted a bit and that I love to fiercely and to fast when I get in a relationship. Just been having a hard time and can't contain my emotions. I'm just sad that's all. I want to find someone who loves me and is as passionate about our relationship as I am. But it never ends up that way. That was a big ol block of text sorry about that. I feel where you're coming from. I think I've only ever dumped 2 people in my life and that was because I was so miserable and we were so bad for each other that even I, being naive and oh so desperate for love, could see it wasn't going to work. Every other time I've been the dumpee so I know how much it sucks and how it makes you wonder why you're not good enough. Well, you're totally good enough. For the right person. Things haven't worked out so far because you just haven't met anyone compatible is how I see it. Letting go is easier said than done. For me, the first step is accepting that the relationship is over, and over for a reason. She didn't want the same things as you, obviously. As for when to start dating again, that's different for everybody. If you want to date as a way to get over your ex, that's not a great idea. That's a rebound. Besides, if you go into a new relationship with baggage from a past one without doing any work on yourself or learning why it didn't work out, chances are the same things will happen in the next one. Don't give up! You seem like a really sweet guy and as you said, you have a bright future and totally deserve someone who will reciprocate your feelings fully
Author DirtyHairy Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 I agree about them not being the right person. Its just hard when you feel that they were.I know that there will be others and these are the 2 people I've ever loved so its hard to understand what its like to fall out of love like they did. The thing is I can't be any better than I was in this relationship. Showered her with affection, surprise dinners, gifts, big hugs out of the blue and made her feel like a queen. So in the next relationship I can't put more effort in because I've put all I got into the previous one so that's just the level of affection I can give. Now I don't expect the same level of affection back because its the boyfriends job (in my opinion) to make the girl feel special. Just getting to spend time with them and loving them and them loving me back is always enough so I don't ask for much. I just ask that you don't lie to me, cheat on me or treat me like dirt (all has happened to me) I agree about not dating right after to get over an ex. First girl did that to me...well actually the day after she broke up with me she had a one night stand with some random. Tough to not bring those things into a relationship because the things that have happened to me have shaped who I am. Just makes me try harder tho I have a hard time meeting women tho, even tho I'm attractive and am very personable I have trouble meeting people cause I don't drink often or party much (in uni lol)
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I agree about them not being the right person. Its just hard when you feel that they were.I know that there will be others and these are the 2 people I've ever loved so its hard to understand what its like to fall out of love like they did. The thing is I can't be any better than I was in this relationship. Showered her with affection, surprise dinners, gifts, big hugs out of the blue and made her feel like a queen. So in the next relationship I can't put more effort in because I've put all I got into the previous one so that's just the level of affection I can give. Now I don't expect the same level of affection back because its the boyfriends job (in my opinion) to make the girl feel special. Just getting to spend time with them and loving them and them loving me back is always enough so I don't ask for much. I just ask that you don't lie to me, cheat on me or treat me like dirt (all has happened to me) I agree about not dating right after to get over an ex. First girl did that to me...well actually the day after she broke up with me she had a one night stand with some random. Tough to not bring those things into a relationship because the things that have happened to me have shaped who I am. Just makes me try harder tho I have a hard time meeting women tho, even tho I'm attractive and am very personable I have trouble meeting people cause I don't drink often or party much (in uni lol) I know how you feel. I thought my most recent ex was "the one". He was the first guy I ever truly loved even though I've been in other LTR's before him. I don't understand, still, how he could have just fell out of love with me and got right back in with another woman. Dude, you obviously put in the utmost effort into her. Nobody can ask for more! I got flowers twice in the 6 years I was with my ex. So don't think it was you failing in the showing of affection. It most definitely wasn't. Some women just don't know how to deal with that sometimes, though. You did your best and that's all anyone can ask. Doesn't mean it wasn't good enough, it means either she was incapable of handling it or just wasn't on the same level you were in the relationship. And I really don't know why you wouldn't expect the same level of affection back. If it's the boyfriend's job to make the girl feel special, it's also the girlfriend's job to do the same. Relationships are a give and take. A sharing. Or at least they should be. Don't sell yourself short and settle for less than what you need out of one. All those things that you ask from a woman are totally fair and should be standards to which all healthy relationships adhere to. In no way are they unreasonable demands. It really just takes time to heal from the hurt, my friend. That's a key point. Of course you'll bring certain things from a past relationship into a new but it's your choice whether it's positive or negative. For example, just because one girl burned you in a certain way doesn't mean the next will, just be wary of the warning signs. In all honesty, meeting people you want to have a real connection with while drinking or partying is more rare than common. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if those are activities you don't really enjoy all that much then there's already a disparity in what you have in common, right? There's other ways to meet people. Think about the things you like to do. See if you can't find groups or meet ups who enjoy the same things.
Author DirtyHairy Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 I know how you feel. I thought my most recent ex was "the one". He was the first guy I ever truly loved even though I've been in other LTR's before him. I don't understand, still, how he could have just fell out of love with me and got right back in with another woman. Dude, you obviously put in the utmost effort into her. Nobody can ask for more! I got flowers twice in the 6 years I was with my ex. So don't think it was you failing in the showing of affection. It most definitely wasn't. Some women just don't know how to deal with that sometimes, though. You did your best and that's all anyone can ask. Doesn't mean it wasn't good enough, it means either she was incapable of handling it or just wasn't on the same level you were in the relationship. And I really don't know why you wouldn't expect the same level of affection back. If it's the boyfriend's job to make the girl feel special, it's also the girlfriend's job to do the same. Relationships are a give and take. A sharing. Or at least they should be. Don't sell yourself short and settle for less than what you need out of one. All those things that you ask from a woman are totally fair and should be standards to which all healthy relationships adhere to. In no way are they unreasonable demands. It really just takes time to heal from the hurt, my friend. That's a key point. Of course you'll bring certain things from a past relationship into a new but it's your choice whether it's positive or negative. For example, just because one girl burned you in a certain way doesn't mean the next will, just be wary of the warning signs. In all honesty, meeting people you want to have a real connection with while drinking or partying is more rare than common. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if those are activities you don't really enjoy all that much then there's already a disparity in what you have in common, right? There's other ways to meet people. Think about the things you like to do. See if you can't find groups or meet ups who enjoy the same things. I did put in the utmost effort I always do. I think it could have been to much but what girl doesn't like it when their boyfriend goes over in the middle of the day during their lunch while working to give their girlfriend flowers and a hug when they are home sick? Maybe I just don't expect the same level of affection because I have never really gotten it? Not sure. I mean first girl we spent every single day together so that was enough for me but the newest one didn't get to spend nearly as much time together but still surprised her and treated her well. This time isn't as hard but still tremendously difficult. I find myself thinking about her all the time. Nobody likes being hurt and I'm getting a little tired of it. One day I'll find someone who won't hurt me tho! That's very true about meeting people. I think its just tough because I don't live in a big town and the university is really small so not a ton of meetings/groups etc. Plus I don't think I'm gunna meet a girl by just walking up to them randomly...not my style One of these days I'll find someone who loves me just as much as I love them. Just hate not having that one special person to make memories with and care about......I want to get married and have kids sooner than later its really important to me. Which kinda pressures myself though.
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