Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Hey everyone it's bubbles. I have a problem.....a big problem! There is this guy that came into my work a few weeks ago and asked me out to lunch. I agreed and we went for lunch. There was absolutly NO spark on my end..... I know he has a romantic interest in me but unfortunatly I do not feel the same. He keeps messaging me asking me to go out for lunch with him again or possibly dinner and a movie. I don't have an interest in him romantically.......how do I tell him that I would rather not go out again without insulting him? Please help me.........he sent a new message only 10 minuets ago bubbles
tiki Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Tell him that you'll be busy relacing all your shoes in your closet.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 If you do anything other than just come right out and say, "you are a nice guy, but I don't want to date you" he'll probably think you are wanting to be pursued, or that he has some inking of a chance since you didn't come out and say 'no'. If you give him the 'lets be friends' answer, he'll read into that what he wants to: that it wasn't exactly a rejection, but there is possibly hope. And the 'no answer' approach? Sometimes 'no answer' can be someone else's cue to 'try harder'.
Author Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 So you're telling me to just message him back saying that "our lunch was very nice but please.......I'm not interested. That doesn't mean that I don't want to ever talk to you again.....just that I am not interested in you romantically" I have to see this man again. He is the V.P. Sales at a company that my company deals with. bubbles
Author Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 tiki.......that was very funny but not very helpful Seriously what can I say to him? I don't want to insult him. bubbles
debs Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 lol Oh I just give em the old "I am sorry but I am really not interested in pursuing this and thank you!" Honest first and foremost! Why candy coat it with "lets be friends", it isn't what he is wanting to hear and it just gives off false hopes! No I agree no one likes rejecting or being rejected but the truth hurts far less than a s**t load of lies and false hopes!
Illusion24 Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 What you can do is tell him that right now in your life you don't have time for a romantic relationship...that you need to concentrate on getting your life together and you don't want any distraction...not that he is one but he would be in the way of your emotions and you just don't want to be responsible for starting something and not finishing it... No matter what you say it's a rejection which no guy or girl likes...its part of life and he has to respect your wishes...you can't help to feel the way you do...neither can he...but in the end the truth is always the right way
alphamale Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles I don't have an interest in him romantically.......how do I tell him that I would rather not go out again without insulting him? Hi BUBBLES....i have never understood why it is so hard for some women to just say "no thanks". Is it really that big a deal? I mean you will end up hurting the guy more in the long run if u string him along and then let him go. Just say "Look, Mr. X., you're a nice guy but I'm looking for something else" Or just say "I don't have the same chemistry that you do" What is so freakin' hard about that. Send him an email if you can't say it face to face.
Author Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 alpha, As you can see in the thread I already posted.......this guy holds a senior position in a company that MY company deals with. I'm not talking about some dumbass kid here! I have not strung him along in the least. I went out for lunch with him I told him thank you for lunch when he dropped me back to the office and that was it.......we parted.........and the e-mails started. I messaged back to him very briefly, nothing that would ever lead him to think that I might be interested at all. Are you sure I should just say what you suggested? It sounds a litlle harsh to me bubbles
shamen Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 How about, "I'm flattered by your interest in taking me to dinner and a move, but I think that you may have gotten the wrong impression from our lunch. I'm not interested in you romantically; I thought that we were just having lunch as colleagues."?
Curt Posted March 8, 2005 Moderators Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia If you do anything other than just come right out and say, "you are a nice guy, but I don't want to date you" he'll probably think you are wanting to be pursued, or that he has some inking of a chance since you didn't come out and say 'no'. If you give him the 'lets be friends' answer, he'll read into that what he wants to: that it wasn't exactly a rejection, but there is possibly hope. And the 'no answer' approach? Sometimes 'no answer' can be someone else's cue to 'try harder'. Yep, that's the ticket right there, Borgia. Soften it with the combination approach if you like... "Thanks very much for the lunch, so-and-so. You are a really nice guy, but I'm not interested in pursuing this." Curt
alphamale Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles alpha, As you can see in the thread I already posted.......this guy holds a senior position in a company that MY company deals with. I'm not talking about some dumbass kid here! Are you sure I should just say what you suggested? It sounds a litlle harsh to me Well BUBBLES, you failed to mention this in your orig post. Still, my advice stands as is. If this dude does not stop bothering you after you tell him to buzz off then you should report it to your boss.
Author Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Guys, I just sent my reply to him. "Michael, I am declining lunch with you. I have to be honest here. I think you are a nice guy but I am not interested in starting anything romantic. I hope I did not give you the wrong impression when we went out for lunch. Friendship is the most I would be willing to offer." Well, what do you guys think? Shall I let you know when he replies? bubbles
tiki Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Well, what do you guys think? Shall I let you know when he replies? Heeeeeellllllooooo!!! YES!!!
alphamale Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles Well, what do you guys think? excellent! Shall I let you know when he replies? most definately give us the play-by-play. I love watching other dudes gettin' shot down!
Author Bubbles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Looks like everything will be o.k. I took suggestion from deb, NeverSayNever and alphamale. deb and NeverSayNever thank you for your "tactful" suggestions and alpha? Well, thank you for insisting that I be completely honest and not sugar coating the truth. Here is what he replied: "That is not a problem at all... You did not give the wrong impression. It is always good to be truthful and up front. Don't fret this..not a big deal. Friends we shall remain. Mike"
tiki Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 I still feel strongly that the lace excuse would've worked.
alicia24 Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Just be honest. Tell him he is not your type, thanks for lunch, peace out!
Curt Posted March 9, 2005 Moderators Posted March 9, 2005 That's a great response Bubbles. Well done! Ladies and Gents, If I am not mistaken, I think the moral of Bubbles' story is: When you don't feel a romantic "connection" to a person (and especially, if they appear taken with you, and you can't reciprocate,) be tactful, but clear and honest with your feelings up front. Don't play them, don't "use" them for your own ego/self-esteem boosting purposes, or place them in "friends mode" without they understand that your position is that there will NOT be a romantic relationship between you both in the future. Live, and let live. DO NOT be yellow, and just pass any old line of BS, just to save YOUR OWN feelings in the process. Caring honesty IS the best policy. That's my $0.02 on that matter.
greenhorn Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Excellent sum up! Worth making a wall paper of this moral, so that one sees it all the time.If I remember in my kindergarten when I was learning the cursive writing,this line was there"Honesty is the best policy". It still holds.
Author Bubbles Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 Well guys I have to tell you........I feel soooooo much better now. I am no longer holding my breath all day wondering when the dreaded "would you like to go out for lunch?" e-mail will come. After I sent my message and he replied we actually spent the rest of the afternoon just messaging back and forth. I guess on my part; I don't feel any more pressure and the conversation felt easy. I have no idea if he thinks that playing the "friend" part will eventually win him a chance with me, but for now.........the friendship suits me just fine Thank you everyone for your suggestions and thought out responces to my dilema. Thank gawd for Loveshack I would probably do everything wrong! bubbles
Bronzepen Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Originally posted by Curt That's a great response Bubbles. Well done! Ladies and Gents, If I am not mistaken, I think the moral of Bubbles' story is: When you don't feel a romantic "connection" to a person (and especially, if they appear taken with you, and you can't reciprocate,) be tactful, but clear and honest with your feelings up front. Don't play them, don't "use" them for your own ego/self-esteem boosting purposes, or place them in "friends mode" without they understand that your position is that there will NOT be a romantic relationship between you both in the future. Live, and let live. DO NOT be yellow, and just pass any old line of BS, just to save YOUR OWN feelings in the process. Caring honesty IS the best policy. That's my $0.02 on that matter. Actually the moral is, don't date a co-worker. Too much headaches. OH and an update on Bubbles..................................She was fired! Just kidding.
alphamale Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles .........the friendship suits me just fine Thank you everyone for your suggestions and thought out responces to my dilema. Thank gawd for Loveshack I would probably do everything wrong! I suggest you NOT be friends with someone you know is romantically interested. any yes, you are welcome for the advice, my bill is in the mail. no credit cards.
Recommended Posts