hopti Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 It's been a year since our ugly break-up and I haven't talked to him since. I have a new bf now and am very happy all though the blow to the ego I got is still haunting me sometimes. He is still with the girl he left me for. I just heard from my best friend that she ran in to him a couple of days ago and they had a chat over a beer. He told her he wanted to call me but she said he shouldn't. This is the second time I know of that he told someone that. They made plans to have a beer some other time with another of our then mutual friends. My best friend was friends with him before we were together but during our RS he cut her off telling her she is my friend not his. After the BU he has cut her off completely even ignoring her on the streets not even saying "hi". Until their little conversation the other day. She called me to ask me what I thought of that and I told her that I wasn't comfortable considering how he broke up with me, the aftermath and how he has treated her. She started arguing that why should I care since I have a boyfriend and that maybe I should have reached out to him. I don't understand why she wants to have contact with him. I also don't know what to tell her. I said that I was still hurt and didn't want any connections to him through my closest friends. It makes me really uncomfortable that I was mentioned during their conversation. She just didn't want to listen. I told her that she should do whatever she wants to do but I have to think of my own sanity here. She's also a bit negative to my new boyfriend and has several times taken it out on me. Am I crazy for being really uncomfortable with this? My ex always had the gift of making people feel sorry for him and getting everything handed to him. It felt as she was suddenly manipulated or something to blame me for how things turned out. I don't care if he "wants to call me" or whatever. Fact is that 1. my phone has been functioning all year and I haven't heard a single peep 2. already two months after the BU it was too little too late.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 It's been a year since our ugly break-up and I haven't talked to him since. I have a new bf now and am very happy all though the blow to the ego I got is still haunting me sometimes. He is still with the girl he left me for. I just heard from my best friend that she ran in to him a couple of days ago and they had a chat over a beer. He told her he wanted to call me but she said he shouldn't. This is the second time I know of that he told someone that. They made plans to have a beer some other time with another of our then mutual friends. My best friend was friends with him before we were together but during our RS he cut her off telling her she is my friend not his. After the BU he has cut her off completely even ignoring her on the streets not even saying "hi". Until their little conversation the other day. She called me to ask me what I thought of that and I told her that I wasn't comfortable considering how he broke up with me, the aftermath and how he has treated her. She started arguing that why should I care since I have a boyfriend and that maybe I should have reached out to him. I don't understand why she wants to have contact with him. I also don't know what to tell her. I said that I was still hurt and didn't want any connections to him through my closest friends. It makes me really uncomfortable that I was mentioned during their conversation. She just didn't want to listen. I told her that she should do whatever she wants to do but I have to think of my own sanity here. She's also a bit negative to my new boyfriend and has several times taken it out on me. Am I crazy for being really uncomfortable with this? My ex always had the gift of making people feel sorry for him and getting everything handed to him. It felt as she was suddenly manipulated or something to blame me for how things turned out. I don't care if he "wants to call me" or whatever. Fact is that 1. my phone has been functioning all year and I haven't heard a single peep 2. already two months after the BU it was too little too late. Why would your best friend want to be friends with someone who cut her off, for starters? And it's sort of sounding like the only reason he's talking to your best friend is to get to you in some way. Be very wary. Also, if he's still with the girl he left you for he shouldn't even be thinking of calling you. What's there to say? Maybe him and this girl are fighting? Either way, that's a whole bunch of douchebaggery you don't need. You told your friend that you're still hurt about it and made it clear you don't really want to have anything to do with him right now. If she can't understand that and for some reason wants to be in contact with a guy who broke your heart, then maybe some reanalysis of how "best" of a friend she is is in order. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap, especially with how much time has gone by since BU 1
falxmanolo Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 It's been a year since our ugly break-up and I haven't talked to him since. I have a new bf now and am very happy all though the blow to the ego I got is still haunting me sometimes. He is still with the girl he left me for. I just heard from my best friend that she ran in to him a couple of days ago and they had a chat over a beer. He told her he wanted to call me but she said he shouldn't. This is the second time I know of that he told someone that. They made plans to have a beer some other time with another of our then mutual friends. My best friend was friends with him before we were together but during our RS he cut her off telling her she is my friend not his. After the BU he has cut her off completely even ignoring her on the streets not even saying "hi". Until their little conversation the other day. She called me to ask me what I thought of that and I told her that I wasn't comfortable considering how he broke up with me, the aftermath and how he has treated her. She started arguing that why should I care since I have a boyfriend and that maybe I should have reached out to him. I don't understand why she wants to have contact with him. I also don't know what to tell her. I said that I was still hurt and didn't want any connections to him through my closest friends. It makes me really uncomfortable that I was mentioned during their conversation. She just didn't want to listen. I told her that she should do whatever she wants to do but I have to think of my own sanity here. She's also a bit negative to my new boyfriend and has several times taken it out on me. Am I crazy for being really uncomfortable with this? My ex always had the gift of making people feel sorry for him and getting everything handed to him. It felt as she was suddenly manipulated or something to blame me for how things turned out. I don't care if he "wants to call me" or whatever. Fact is that 1. my phone has been functioning all year and I haven't heard a single peep 2. already two months after the BU it was too little too late. It's truly amazing how you work super hard post BU to move on with your life, nurse your wounds and suddenly ex thinks it's OK to turn up in a billion ways to ruin your life! If you've made it clear to your friend that it makes you uncomfortable when she speaks about him and if she knows the things you went through post BU, I don't understand why she's being stubborn about reconnecting with him. Is this like your best friend for life? I find this very weird, sorry no offence to your friend. I have a very similar experience. Ex broke up with me and I was heart-broken and my bestest friend knew what he was doing, knew what I was going through and yet concealed her friendship with him for 6 months until she blurted it out one day and said "I thought it wouldn't matter to you". Let's be realistic. You have ONE life. You've done enough damage by dating losers who've disrespected your feelings and existence (in my case), do you really want to put up with mediocre friendship too? You need friends who would stay by your side, love, cherish, support and protect you! Unless your friend wants you to reconnect with him genuinely in the belief that you're strong enough to deal with that kind of ****, just ignore it and possibly ignore her! 1
Author hopti Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 I dont even know what to write. Despite my conversations with her she went to see him again. This time she came back to me telling me he talks non stop about me, about memories together, how he wants to call me and how he loves me and always will. She told me this almost excited and followed it all by that she doesn't think he and his girl are together any more since he didn't mention her once and she hasn't seen them together for a while. Despite me telling her I do not need this information she claims it will help me move on. Which is kind of weird since I have moved on until she started ripping it all up again. I would be lying if I told you this information didn't soften me a bit and that it didn't affect me in a negative emotional way. So yesterday another friend of mine told me that he and his gf are indeed together and live together and have been doing so for a couple of months now. Can someone please help me understand why this bullsh't is happening? Why he finds it appropriate and ok to say things like that to my friends NOW? 12 months after everything? My phone still hasn't rang, so obviously he is just manipulating or whatever, but why a year after? He knows my friends probably tell me everything. He did what he did, he left me to pick up the pieces and I did. He lives with this girl. Why is it so f'cking essential to bring up history with my friends and say sneaky things that, compared with actual events, hurt?! I can't catch a break and I'm losing faith in that I will ever be free of what happend to me. Opinions, advices: please help!
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 He seems like he wasn't much a friend to her during or after your relationship so I too am baffled by why she wants to resurrect that "friendship." You can't stop it. If they want to hang out, let them. I still talk to the EXs of some of my friends & I know a few of them talk to some of my EXs. It's not that big of a deal just ask for a heads up if she is doing something that might require you & your EX to interact so you can make an informed choice before attending.
stillafool Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 If I'm understanding you correctly she was your exs friend first and then became friends with you. If this is so I can understand them wanting to be friends again now that you both have new mates. It sounds like your friend stopped communicating with him because you were hurt and she stood by your side; but now that you have healed and moved on to someone new they both want their friendship back. I would say okay to this because if I'm involved with someone else why would I care; however I would ask her to please show me the respect of not discussing me or my business with him.
Author hopti Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 please post opinions about my second post. That is whats bothering me right now. Feel like he is "winning" again.
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