Author hikaru Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 Green girls. Seriously, what did you expect? Somebody who would doll themselves up with products that are tested on animals and keep the house clean with elbow grease instead of chemicals? Somebody who gets along with the vast majority of people instead of judging them for how they live in modern society? You want to eat your cake and have it too. Maybe you should go hug a tree instead of your gf. thanks for this, it gave me a good laugh 1
Author hikaru Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 It's done. She told me I was ruining her life, that she would never do this to her dog if it were reversed, that she has nothing now, that she's alone. She would also tell me that if I loved her I'd try, and she would change. She said she shouldn't have taken things for granted and that she could have been different. Lots of flip flopping, I feel like crap, so does she. Guess I should do my best now to maintain NC?
Diezel Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Blah blah blah... people always say that during a break-up. People get back together. Things are good for 2/3 weeks. True behaviors/patterns come back. Back at square one. I'm giving you the preview of the next month in case you are thinking of getting back together with her. 1
Gloria25 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 It's done. She told me I was ruining her life, that she would never do this to her dog if it were reversed, that she has nothing now, that she's alone. Yup, because from what you posted here - besides you, she has no life. That's pretty sad. She would also tell me that if I loved her I'd try, and she would change. She said she shouldn't have taken things for granted and that she could have been different. So, she was in some oblivious state of being, and now she "Sees the light!!!" Right.... IMO, in a RL you should be able to get to a point where you can tell if something's up with your partner. So, I'm assuming she was all in her "little world" to even know what's going on with you and how you were feeling about the RL? Right.... Lots of flip flopping, I feel like crap, so does she. Guess I should do my best now to maintain NC? Break ups aren't fun...All I can tell you to do is "endure", that means, this is a bitter pill to swallow, and I can't give you something to make it go down any easier.
SpiralOut Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 She acts the way she does because she is insecure. I had a roommate who acted that way, took the most innocent comments of mine and somehow turned them into insults inside her head. I have no idea how her boyfriend dealt with it for so long, but eventually they broke up. He told me afterwards how relieved he felt. Reading your posts I am more concerned by her inability to communicate. This girl shuts down whenever you try to talk to her about anything. There's nothing you can do to make her open up. She feels criticized easily and doesn't know how to handle it. If the two of you cannot even talk about issues together like adults, then the relationship is doomed. I think you two are more like friends than lovers and maybe you are worried about losing her as a friend? 1
Author hikaru Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 She acts the way she does because she is insecure. I had a roommate who acted that way, took the most innocent comments of mine and somehow turned them into insults inside her head. I have no idea how her boyfriend dealt with it for so long, but eventually they broke up. He told me afterwards how relieved he felt. Reading your posts I am more concerned by her inability to communicate. This girl shuts down whenever you try to talk to her about anything. There's nothing you can do to make her open up. She feels criticized easily and doesn't know how to handle it. If the two of you cannot even talk about issues together like adults, then the relationship is doomed. I think you two are more like friends than lovers and maybe you are worried about losing her as a friend? She has a way of making the mundane feel comfortable, or maybe I have just grown to like that aspect of the relationship. But seeing how she's reacted, I guess she really was codependent. Or maybe she just really is that attached to me? I am/would be upset that I'd lose her as a friend. I don't have any interest in getting back together to try to make things work, because regardless of how nice couch-cuddle time, walking the dogs together, or going to our Sunday breakfast place is, something still feels missing. She said she might ask me to come hang out Sunday, which I'd definitely do, I just hope she doesn't get upset that I'm going to maintain some boundaries.
heartshaped Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 She has a way of making the mundane feel comfortable, or maybe I have just grown to like that aspect of the relationship. But seeing how she's reacted, I guess she really was codependent. Or maybe she just really is that attached to me? I am/would be upset that I'd lose her as a friend. I don't have any interest in getting back together to try to make things work, because regardless of how nice couch-cuddle time, walking the dogs together, or going to our Sunday breakfast place is, something still feels missing. She said she might ask me to come hang out Sunday, which I'd definitely do, I just hope she doesn't get upset that I'm going to maintain some boundaries. Don't go. You need to maintain NC starting now. Sure you say you have no interest in getting back together, but that's because you aren't in front of her watching her cry and beg for the two of you to get back together. Maybe the two of you could be friends, but the time isn't now. I'd start NC and maintain for months at least.
Diezel Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 She said she might ask me to come hang out Sunday, which I'd definitely do, I just hope she doesn't get upset that I'm going to maintain some boundaries. Why would you definitely do that? Why are you backpedaling on what you clearly want to do? Can you see why this is also confusing for her? You won't commit to one idea or the other, you are just flip-flopping around and waiting for her to make a final decision.
Emilia Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I am/would be upset that I'd lose her as a friend. I don't have any interest in getting back together to try to make things work, because regardless of how nice couch-cuddle time, walking the dogs together, or going to our Sunday breakfast place is, something still feels missing. She said she might ask me to come hang out Sunday, which I'd definitely do, I just hope she doesn't get upset that I'm going to maintain some boundaries. Of course you will lose her as a friend. It would be unrealistic and selfish to expect otherwise. Your paths will separate and she will have to grow and find her own happiness. Don't 'maintain some boundaries'. That's more cruel than cutting off contact. Make a decision and stick to it.
Andy_K Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 You want to eat your cake and have it too. It makes me happy to see this phrased correctly for once
Author hikaru Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Why would you definitely do that? Why are you backpedaling on what you clearly want to do? Can you see why this is also confusing for her? You won't commit to one idea or the other, you are just flip-flopping around and waiting for her to make a final decision. I re-read what I wrote, and maybe I was just tired...but you're right, it doesn't make sense. I told her I would stay with a friend, and she got mad at me. She doesn't see a reason for me to go somewhere else if all of my things are here. I'm honestly not trying to make it confusing for her, I've been very clear and firm with her.
Gloria25 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I re-read what I wrote, and maybe I was just tired...but you're right, it doesn't make sense. I told her I would stay with a friend, and she got mad at me. She doesn't see a reason for me to go somewhere else if all of my things are here. I'm honestly not trying to make it confusing for her, I've been very clear and firm with her. Well, did you both agree on a date to be living in separate places?
Author hikaru Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Well, did you both agree on a date to be living in separate places? No, we haven't had that talk
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 No, we haven't had that talk And what are you waiting for?
Author hikaru Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 And what are you waiting for? trying to. I have interviews in the area this coming week.
Gloria25 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 trying to. I have interviews in the area this coming week. Well, I don't know the laws in your state, but some places require you give someone at least 30 days notice if they established "residency" in your place. During the 30 days you can go to all the interviews you want.
Author hikaru Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 Well, I don't know the laws in your state, but some places require you give someone at least 30 days notice if they established "residency" in your place. During the 30 days you can go to all the interviews you want. she could stay here, I can't kick her out because she has nowhere to go. I can go to a friends, but I still need to come in and out of the apartment to get things.
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 She's never going to find a new place or move out if you never have the conversation. 1
Author hikaru Posted October 27, 2014 Author Posted October 27, 2014 She's never going to find a new place or move out if you never have the conversation. My point was that I'm the one who's likely to move. I don't care if she stays here because I can stay with a friend, or go to my mothers. I'd spend less money at the latter, which is nice when you've been denied unemployment benefits. Any of the job opportunities ahead of me would require me to relocate, so she can stay and I'd just leave if it's that horrible to be here. I guess i'll find out.
Recommended Posts