Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey everyone. So, I noticed nice guys don't like me. I don't why because I am a nice girl, I have low self esteem, but I am nowhere near a slut. I am friends with everyone, and I love everyone, but I notice the preppy nice guys, and the metalhead nice guys, and the nerdy nice guys etc etc, don't like me! I get rejected all the time by them. The only ones that seem to like me are the douchebags, or the jocks, or the guys that are just tough and mean in general. It saddens me that I only seem to attract losers and douchebags and I am afraid that's all I will ever get I just want a nice guy, but they always reject me, and I don't know if it's because of my appearance? I added photos on here so that everyone can have a better look of me other than my avatar lol. Why is this? Why don't nice guys like me? And why does it always seem that losers, jocks, and douch bags want to go out with me? But not the nice guys?
MrNate 2.0 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey everyone. So, I noticed nice guys don't like me. I don't why because I am a nice girl, I have low self esteem, but I am nowhere near a slut. I am friends with everyone, and I love everyone, but I notice the preppy nice guys, and the metalhead nice guys, and the nerdy nice guys etc etc, don't like me! I get rejected all the time by them. The only ones that seem to like me are the douchebags, or the jocks, or the guys that are just tough and mean in general. It saddens me that I only seem to attract losers and douchebags and I am afraid that's all I will ever get I just want a nice guy, but they always reject me, and I don't know if it's because of my appearance? I added photos on here so that everyone can have a better look of me other than my avatar lol. Why is this? Why don't nice guys like me? And why does it always seem that losers, jocks, and douch bags want to go out with me? But not the nice guys? People of low self esteem are generally drawn to people of low self esteem. Case in point: jocks, douchebags, etc. generally suffer from insecurity and low self esteem. They thrive on putting others down to feel more important. Raise your self worth, and the quality of men you attract will adjust accordingly. 3
NJ123 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Well be honest here, have you ever given the time of day to a nice guy in the past or were you always going for "bad boys"? How many "nice guys" have you even asked out? I just seen your pics & your not a bad looking woman so it's just odd to me that their rejecting you unless your leaving out something in your post.
Natsu21 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 You're incredibly attractive physically and articulate, so let me put your problem in perspective: "I want an attractive looking NICE GUY who can challenge me in many ways." Problem is that the "nice guy" persona is usually associated with a weak backbone. The problem isn' that you can't find a nice guy... You're not attracted to the nice guys...you want a man and the men you're attracted to turn out to be jerks. Call a spade, a spade. 3
Andy_K Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 You're incredibly attractive physically and articulate, so let me put your problem in perspective: "I want an attractive looking NICE GUY who can challenge me in many ways." Problem is that the "nice guy" persona is usually associated with a weak backbone. The problem isn' that you can't find a nice guy... You're not attracted to the nice guys...you want a man and the men you're attracted to turn out to be jerks. Call a spade, a spade. I think too many of you are jumping to the stereotype conclusion here. She clearly said the nice guys reject her, not that she can't find any she's attracted to. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) You're a pretty girl, I don't see why no nice guys at all would be interested in you based on attractiveness. However your "image" and attitude account for quite a lot, how you represent yourself in the world and how men perceive you...basically, what "kind of girl" you are. For example; Nice guys and preps tend to lean more towards the more conservative, less outgoing and less socially aggressive type of woman. I guess more introverted, more professionalized and intellectual/nerdy/academic type (in general, not a hard rule)...therefore glamming it up with make-up, fancy-hair-do's and exposing the "girls" might represent a different "type" of girl than they're interested in. They might have a different impression of you based on how you dress, they might presume you are more sexually liberal in your behavior because you are outgoing and social, and that you date X type of guy and interested in that type as well, or that you are even high-maintenance and maybe even less intellectual. Douchebags, jocks and whoever else I guess we're throwing into this category, tend to think women like you like a guy with a bit of edge and "confidence"..they tend to be more confident because they have much bigger egos, they feel rewarded by being aggressive and successful at it which only makes them even more arrogant in their quest. They are attracted to women who are more "dressed up", appear to be more sexually inviting by exposing cleavage or dressing sexier as these are usually the more hornier of men, and with having this very outgoing bubbly/personal or friendly attitude is an invitation for them to socialize and opens the opportunity to get in your pants. Not that all jocks are bad guys, but I definitely know which ones you are talking about (had to say to out of a bit of bias I think you kind of have to "look the part" to a degree, especially when you are young...this is all less important as you get older. I've met plenty of women who dressed and acted a certain way just to attract certain men, they were wild, outgoing and not what these guys basically thought they were, but they knew how to attract those kind of men by playing to their likes and dislikes, which included an image and personality. And unfortunately in the dating world, that's what it often comes down to...this very superficial level, because if you can't attract the person initially, and they won't perceive you as a match and are making judgments in 2 seconds then they're not going to pursue you to even get to that next stage. Sure, a lot of people will tell you just to wait to meet the right person and the right person will love you for who you are and all of that...but if you want date different type of men, you have to have a personality and attitude that can mold to their interests if you're really seeking out a "type" that you want to do. My reality advice is, find out what those guys are interested in and what they like, the kind of girls they tend to date and how they look, their style and interest. For example, if you like the metal guys, well they tend to like girls that look a certain way. The nice guys like more conservative shy type of girls, the girl-next-door type that are friendly, open but not too open and friendly. At the end of the day you might just have to accept the fact that you might find that your interest and personality may be more in line than with the man you are not trying to date than the men you want to date, you just might not be all that compatible in the end. Edited October 4, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas 3
Assasda Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 The thing is OP doesnt know who a nice guy is. All these descriptions that she's using is shallow. Nerd, Preppy - they can all be douchebags. Youre probably not liked also because of your low self esteem. If you dont value yourself, no one will either, that includes "nice guys" as well
ladyu Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 just be yourself dont go after any guy stay single and u will see a the guys nice guys coming to u ... hmmm but its hard to trust anyone these days 1
No Limit Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Being friends with literally everyone could be a negative if you want one of those "nice guys". That doesn't mean that you should be mean to others, but be honest, on how many people that you are so friendly with could you really count on when things would turn tough? At least in my social circle we remain somewhat reserved; there's aquaintances and there's friends, which would be them only. Quality instead of quanitity; you don't need to appeal to anyone but yourself. Love yourself and others will too. 1
LoneIsland Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) I am a nice guy, and I would say your being friends with everyone and loving everyone a problem, especially if the nice guys see you hang out with the douche bags. The nice guys are not going to fight the douche bags to get to you. You said you are nowhere near a slut. That would suggest you are somewhat slutty. Nice guys don't like that. I don't know where your photos are. But if you are a beauty queen, you need to tone it down a bit. Aim towards being an ordinary girl. Nice guys are mostly ordinary guys and their idea of a nice girl is someone ordinary. The fact you keep getting douche bags is because you are attracted to them, most girls are. That unsettles the nice guys because they believe your heart lies elsewhere. You love everyone because you want everyone to love you back. Nice guys need more exclusivity than that. Edited October 4, 2014 by LoneIsland
AlexanderJames Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey there Sorry to hear the situation you are in. As a young man I feel like I can probably shine some light on your situation. Jocks, thugs and players. The bad boys you are talking about are everywhere. The reason you have so many interactions with these boys, and the reason you feel like you only attract these men, is because they are not looking for anything long term. They are looking for ego boosts and notches on the belt and given that you are a very attractive woman there will always be men lurking trying to get a score. The vast majority of these boys, and I do mean boys, only want a one night stand with you and once they do or don't get it they're on to the next woman. So don't feel like you are doing anything wrong because you aren't. You just notice these bad boys more because there is more of them than there are decent men and the bad ones are generally well practiced and confident about approaching you and making the move. As for not being able to find a nice guy again that is not on you. I have been single for 3 years to give an example. I have had nice women approach me and express interest in me and I have respectfully declined for the soul reason that I didn't feel a spark or I didn't see myself being able to have something long term with them. You just haven't come across someone worthy of your time. Hang in there and enjoy life. As soon as you stop looking someone will fall into your life and make you realize why these other people didn't work out for you. Just don't forget, you're gorgeous and you have the whole world in your hands Live it up.
AlexanderJames Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Also, in response to this commonly used expression of "people won't value you if you do not value yourself" I tend to disagree with it. My romantic interest at the moment does not think very highly of herself, she sees flaws in herself as we all do with our bodies and she stresses and worries about little things and I find that only increases my attraction to her. To have the opportunity to show the person you are attracted to just what you see in them and instill self value in them is amazing. It makes you that much closer to them and strengthens your connections something incredible. It is very humbling to see someone at their lowest and bringing out their best. I would always chose to show someone their value rather than tell them they need to find it. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey everyone. So, I noticed nice guys don't like me. I don't why because I am a nice girl, I have low self esteem, but I am nowhere near a slut. I am friends with everyone, and I love everyone, but I notice the preppy nice guys, and the metalhead nice guys, and the nerdy nice guys etc etc, don't like me! I get rejected all the time by them. The only ones that seem to like me are the douchebags, or the jocks, or the guys that are just tough and mean in general. It saddens me that I only seem to attract losers and douchebags and I am afraid that's all I will ever get I just want a nice guy, but they always reject me, and I don't know if it's because of my appearance? I added photos on here so that everyone can have a better look of me other than my avatar lol. Why is this? Why don't nice guys like me? And why does it always seem that losers, jocks, and douch bags want to go out with me? But not the nice guys? Nice guys want a woman who is confident, and does not have to find acceptance all around them. It is hard to detect from a personal stand point, but try to see what it is that you show about yourself outside of your looks. Over playing your looks is a turn off. As I rather have a natural looking woman over one that is always tending to her looks. If you like to dress and look good all the time, then you will find the men who want that are less to be desired as looks are everything in starting a relationship. Maybe that is all what is trouble for you, as being too made up, can be not as sexy as you think in a nice way for nice men. 1
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Well be honest here, have you ever given the time of day to a nice guy in the past or were you always going for "bad boys"? How many "nice guys" have you even asked out? I just seen your pics & your not a bad looking woman so it's just odd to me that their rejecting you unless your leaving out something in your post. Well I am shy. I will give some hints, but I notice when I do give hints to the nice guy they still reject me. t just seems like to me nice guys don't like me because they won't contact me or if I ask "Hey, we should go here or there" They always will not respond and reject me and I am not one to ask guys out, but I will ask the nice guys out at times, in a subtle way lol. I never really went for the bad boys, I am kinda inexperienced with guys I only had two relationships, one when I was 17 and it was for a year, and one when I was 19 and it was for a year. Both of those guys ended up being bad boys, but they came off like they were nice guys, so I was mislead. Thank you for compliments and for sharing your opinion.
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 You're incredibly attractive physically and articulate, so let me put your problem in perspective: "I want an attractive looking NICE GUY who can challenge me in many ways." Problem is that the "nice guy" persona is usually associated with a weak backbone. The problem isn' that you can't find a nice guy... You're not attracted to the nice guys...you want a man and the men you're attracted to turn out to be jerks. Call a spade, a spade. That what it seems to be, but honestly I am into just intellectual and nice guys Thank you for the compliments, that was very nice of you to say and I get what you are saying, and it makes sense. Thanks!
CharlieFox Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 After reading your previous threads, I can assume that looks are not your problem, it's your attitude. You give a ton of mixed signals to the guys around you and don't know how to handle your feelings, in short you are one of these "I don't know what I want" type of girls. It's okay to wait for the guys to make a move, but your subtle hints may be way too subtle. I don't know about most guys, but I find it really unattractive and turn off when a girl "doesn't know what she wants". It speaks of insecurities, or I tend to think those girls love to play and toy with guys, which is unattractive. Stop obsessing about bad boys or boys in general, be alone for a while, get comfortable with yourself, figure out what you want and change your attitude. Confidence is always attractive, no matter if you're a man or a woman.
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 You're a pretty girl, I don't see why no nice guys at all would be interested in you based on attractiveness. However your "image" and attitude account for quite a lot, how you represent yourself in the world and how men perceive you...basically, what "kind of girl" you are. For example; Nice guys and preps tend to lean more towards the more conservative, less outgoing and less socially aggressive type of woman. I guess more introverted, more professionalized and intellectual/nerdy/academic type (in general, not a hard rule)...therefore glamming it up with make-up, fancy-hair-do's and exposing the "girls" might represent a different "type" of girl than they're interested in. They might have a different impression of you based on how you dress, they might presume you are more sexually liberal in your behavior because you are outgoing and social, and that you date X type of guy and interested in that type as well, or that you are even high-maintenance and maybe even less intellectual. Douchebags, jocks and whoever else I guess we're throwing into this category, tend to think women like you like a guy with a bit of edge and "confidence"..they tend to be more confident because they have much bigger egos, they feel rewarded by being aggressive and successful at it which only makes them even more arrogant in their quest. They are attracted to women who are more "dressed up", appear to be more sexually inviting by exposing cleavage or dressing sexier as these are usually the more hornier of men, and with having this very outgoing bubbly/personal or friendly attitude is an invitation for them to socialize and opens the opportunity to get in your pants. Not that all jocks are bad guys, but I definitely know which ones you are talking about (had to say to out of a bit of bias I think you kind of have to "look the part" to a degree, especially when you are young...this is all less important as you get older. I've met plenty of women who dressed and acted a certain way just to attract certain men, they were wild, outgoing and not what these guys basically thought they were, but they knew how to attract those kind of men by playing to their likes and dislikes, which included an image and personality. And unfortunately in the dating world, that's what it often comes down to...this very superficial level, because if you can't attract the person initially, and they won't perceive you as a match and are making judgments in 2 seconds then they're not going to pursue you to even get to that next stage. Sure, a lot of people will tell you just to wait to meet the right person and the right person will love you for who you are and all of that...but if you want date different type of men, you have to have a personality and attitude that can mold to their interests if you're really seeking out a "type" that you want to do. My reality advice is, find out what those guys are interested in and what they like, the kind of girls they tend to date and how they look, their style and interest. For example, if you like the metal guys, well they tend to like girls that look a certain way. The nice guys like more conservative shy type of girls, the girl-next-door type that are friendly, open but not too open and friendly. At the end of the day you might just have to accept the fact that you might find that your interest and personality may be more in line than with the man you are not trying to date than the men you want to date, you just might not be all that compatible in the end. Good points! I think I am fairly intelligent. I like to have deep conversations and I am not superficial, even though it may look it. I see what you mean about the physical appearance part. I am a metal head, that is free spirited, liberal, and it probably is perceived as a "slut" or something. I honestly don't try to wear clothes that show off my boobs lol, it just happens, because my boobs are big, but it's not intentional. Well it is true that preppy guys tend to be more conservative and the nerdy guys, but I am a really friendly person and I am outgoing, and I love people, but I thought that nice guys should see past my image, and see that I am a nice girl. I am inexperienced with relationships and I don't do booty calls, so I definitely don't have a tainted reputation. I only had two relationships in my life, and that was it lol. I am actually pretty pathetic if anything lol. Thank you for your informative reply! Makes sense.
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Being friends with literally everyone could be a negative if you want one of those "nice guys". That doesn't mean that you should be mean to others, but be honest, on how many people that you are so friendly with could you really count on when things would turn tough? At least in my social circle we remain somewhat reserved; there's aquaintances and there's friends, which would be them only. Quality instead of quanitity; you don't need to appeal to anyone but yourself. Love yourself and others will too. I understand! But it's just my personality type. I am not really entertaining the thought "quanity vs. quality." I am just that type of a person that talks to everyone and loves people. I am friends with people that are my age and people in their 50's or 40's lol. That's just me. It also could be a negative, you're right about that! Thank you! 1
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 I am a nice guy, and I would say your being friends with everyone and loving everyone a problem, especially if the nice guys see you hang out with the douche bags. The nice guys are not going to fight the douche bags to get to you. You said you are nowhere near a slut. That would suggest you are somewhat slutty. Nice guys don't like that. I don't know where your photos are. But if you are a beauty queen, you need to tone it down a bit. Aim towards being an ordinary girl. Nice guys are mostly ordinary guys and their idea of a nice girl is someone ordinary. The fact you keep getting douche bags is because you are attracted to them, most girls are. That unsettles the nice guys because they believe your heart lies elsewhere. You love everyone because you want everyone to love you back. Nice guys need more exclusivity than that. I am not going to change myself, just because I am judge on my looks. I was making the point that I am not slutty, because I knew if I didn't make that point a lot of people would be saying "Because you look like a slut, and you are probably a slut and that's why nice guys don't like you" So it was more to make that point. I only had two relationships. I am inexperienced in relationships, I don't have a tainted reputation, because I don't put out, AND I am not a booty call. You could be right that because of my bubbly personality of being friends with everyone could deter the nice guys, because they think it's too much competition, because I am friends and friendly to everyone. However, I will not change my hair color or anything like that just so guys can take me more "seriously" 1
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Hey there Sorry to hear the situation you are in. As a young man I feel like I can probably shine some light on your situation. Jocks, thugs and players. The bad boys you are talking about are everywhere. The reason you have so many interactions with these boys, and the reason you feel like you only attract these men, is because they are not looking for anything long term. They are looking for ego boosts and notches on the belt and given that you are a very attractive woman there will always be men lurking trying to get a score. The vast majority of these boys, and I do mean boys, only want a one night stand with you and once they do or don't get it they're on to the next woman. So don't feel like you are doing anything wrong because you aren't. You just notice these bad boys more because there is more of them than there are decent men and the bad ones are generally well practiced and confident about approaching you and making the move. As for not being able to find a nice guy again that is not on you. I have been single for 3 years to give an example. I have had nice women approach me and express interest in me and I have respectfully declined for the soul reason that I didn't feel a spark or I didn't see myself being able to have something long term with them. You just haven't come across someone worthy of your time. Hang in there and enjoy life. As soon as you stop looking someone will fall into your life and make you realize why these other people didn't work out for you. Just don't forget, you're gorgeous and you have the whole world in your hands Live it up. Thank you so much! That was very nice of you to say! I appreciate that a lot! I am glad you understand my situation, and I understand what you mean. I hope everything works out for you too buddy!
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Nice guys want a woman who is confident, and does not have to find acceptance all around them. It is hard to detect from a personal stand point, but try to see what it is that you show about yourself outside of your looks. Over playing your looks is a turn off. As I rather have a natural looking woman over one that is always tending to her looks. If you like to dress and look good all the time, then you will find the men who want that are less to be desired as looks are everything in starting a relationship. Maybe that is all what is trouble for you, as being too made up, can be not as sexy as you think in a nice way for nice men. Yeah, that's a good point, but you can clearly see in my pics that I only wear mascara and lip gloss and on occasion I will actually wear liquid eye liner lol. I am not made up really. I have natural curly hair, however it is highlighted with blonde highlights, but I am not that type that gets "dolled" up. I see what you mean, thank you!
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 AWing at its finest. I've seen your previous threads. I honestly don't think you really know what a nice guy or a good man is. You'll figure it out, eventually. But based on those threads as well, you categorize anyone who shows you immediate interest as a player and then proceed to send mixed signals or play mind games. So, if ALL nice guys don't like you... what's the conclusion about the common denominator?
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 After reading your previous threads, I can assume that looks are not your problem, it's your attitude. You give a ton of mixed signals to the guys around you and don't know how to handle your feelings, in short you are one of these "I don't know what I want" type of girls. It's okay to wait for the guys to make a move, but your subtle hints may be way too subtle. I don't know about most guys, but I find it really unattractive and turn off when a girl "doesn't know what she wants". It speaks of insecurities, or I tend to think those girls love to play and toy with guys, which is unattractive. Stop obsessing about bad boys or boys in general, be alone for a while, get comfortable with yourself, figure out what you want and change your attitude. Confidence is always attractive, no matter if you're a man or a woman. I have been alone for a very long time. I know what it's like to be alone, trust me. I am not that experienced in relationships. I only had two in my life so far, and honestly I am not settling for nobody, that isn't a nice guy. I am not one of those girls that needs to bounce from relationship to relationship because I can't be alone. I know what it's like to be alone. I understand what you are saying. Thank you.
Author Ashley S Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 AWing at its finest. I've seen your previous threads. I honestly don't think you really know what a nice guy or a good man is. You'll figure it out, eventually. But based on those threads as well, you categorize anyone who shows you immediate interest as a player and then proceed to send mixed signals or play mind games. So, if ALL nice guys don't like you... what's the conclusion about the common denominator? Maybe I should have rephrased my post, you're right, it's definitely not all nice guys, it's just the nice guys that I have been dealing with reject me. I am very protective of myself, but I didn't think I put out missed signals. You have a good point though.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hey everyone. So, I noticed nice guys don't like me. I don't why because I am a nice girl, I have low self esteem, but I am nowhere near a slut. I am friends with everyone, and I love everyone, but I notice the preppy nice guys, and the metalhead nice guys, and the nerdy nice guys etc etc, don't like me! I get rejected all the time by them. The only ones that seem to like me are the douchebags, or the jocks, or the guys that are just tough and mean in general. It saddens me that I only seem to attract losers and douchebags and I am afraid that's all I will ever get I just want a nice guy, but they always reject me, and I don't know if it's because of my appearance? I added photos on here so that everyone can have a better look of me other than my avatar lol. Why is this? Why don't nice guys like me? And why does it always seem that losers, jocks, and douch bags want to go out with me? But not the nice guys? Well, as a nerdy meat head who happens to be nice, I'll only say this: trying to date a nice girl is a high-risk high reward situation. If she likes you, great. If she rejects you, it's like getting punched in the gut. Maybe some of these guys don't want to take the risk of you breaking up with them and they'll just take their chances with the "bad girls"...
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