SarahJ1 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) Im 31. My ex and I were together, on and off, for about two years. Without getting to into to too much detail, the relationship was kind of doomed from the start, as he likes to put it. He thinks I was playing hard to get, and I thought he was obnoxious and cocky....But then when apart, we missed each other and had great physical chemistry, and bla bla bla. We did, and to my knowledge do love each other still. But as most people know, all too often we fall deeply in love with people we don't actually get along with, and after a while the truth of how incompatible you both are will surface. When that lovely heightened state of attraction and the newness and the hope and passion fizzles a bit. Lately, we have been fighting/arguing about nonsense. But it all stems from some bull**** insecure place for me, and probably something similar for him. Ok, without getting into the actual relationship itself anymore... Two nights ago we had an argument over something I did/said while out with friends, and that night at home, he broke up with me. We left on very sad but decent terms. He also happens to live next door. We were actually considering moving in together just a week ago, but I guess the accumulation of negative stuff happening changed his mind. It should've changed mine too, but I am always the one who keeps going and trying and pushing for better.... Anyway, he said he needed to be alone for a while and work on himself. Said he hasnt been doing the stuff he normally does for a long time and I guess felt like he was losing his identity or something. Although it wont translate here, I am absolutely devastated. I miss him immensely already, and knowing that his belongings arent here and worrying that ill never get to kiss him again...I cant even think of the fights that got us to this point because im too hung up on actually losing "us". Ok, so my question....Well, we got dog recently...About two months ago. He's more my dog than his, but we have been sharing looking after him since sometimes I work long hours. Its not fair to leave the dog at home without a walk or company so long. And he (the now ex) has always been able and willing to take the dog out when im not home. Well, last night he came over to pick up the last of his things, and although we have broken up like this before, I felt like this time he may not want to come back, and I have been super emotional and cant seem to stop crying for more than an hour. He sat with the dog on what used to be "our" couch, where we would watch tv and have dinner...And he told me that he would come walk the dog when I was at work and spend time with him here, and would not be around when I got home, since he thinks I probably wouldnt wanna see him... Which should be the case, but im not there yet. Anyway, I sort of started to cry a little (not a lot, I save my sobbing fits for when im alone i hate crying in front of people especially a lover or ex)...And I told him that it would be good if he helped with the dog and I said thanks. Truth is- I DO need help. I have nobody else to walk him, and they already get along, and I dont want to pay for a walker who may or may not know how to control my dog. SIGH.... So, im anxious and sad and I dont know how to deal. Last time this happened, he and I were broken up for about a week...And I did not contact him once. But I also didnt have a dog then. Now, it seems harder to avoid him, to give myself time to heal or whatever, or to do the "no contact" rule. I will probably run into him or see him here in my apt over the weekend. It will hurt like hell because I will want him to stay for dinner and spend the night and tell him how much I love him and remind him of plans we made to go away, etc etc....But I CANT do those things- I have to keep my cool, be civil and nice, not too nice, friendly but not too talkative. Right? Ok so how do I do this? He is a LOT better at being single or recently broken up than me. Even though we kept butting heads and driving each other mad, I love him and am willing to go on and try again. What is the best way to conduct myself in a situation where he is doing something really nice for the dog, and in turn me? Is it completely crazy and kind of desperate to offer him dinner? I want him to stay and be here, but if he isnt going to come back to me as my boyfriend then I feel like its unfair to me to have him hang around and just remind me that he isnt mine. I cant handle that, not this soon. But one thing is certain: He loves the dog, and we do love one another, so I dont wanna be an ******* or cold when he is here. Im just afraid of being too nice. Maybe dont offer him any baked goods? PS: I should add....I dont want to stay apart. I dont know if this is "it" for us, but im not ready to give up. But I dont wanna push him away any further. Edited October 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 When is your lease up? How soon can you move? Stop with the joint custody of your dog. Get somebody else to walk the dog. Put the dog in doggy day care if you have to.
Elle1975 Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Decide who gets the dog. Dogs can stay home waiting to go pee, unless you work 12 hours a day. If you work 12 hours a day, then he gets the dog.
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