xdz777 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) I've been dating my girlfriend for one year. She has irritable bowel syndrome and occasionally can't go to the bathroom for 5-6 days at a time, which causes bloating and makes her feel bad. I feel bad that she has to deal with this and wish I knew how to make her better. But at the same time, it can be a turn-off when she occasionally tells me that she hasn't gone to the bathroom in 5 days or if she tells me that she finally was able to go. Earlier I told her that she didn't always have to tell me about her bathroom habits and I knew it was out of her control but it could be weird for me sometimes when she told me. It hurt her feelings and she left our date early to go home because she is mad at me. I said I was sorry but she didn't want to talk. Was what I said mean? How can I fix the situation? Edited October 4, 2014 by xdz777
Gloria25 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Lol....makes me think of a joke I heard one time. Chick has a nail in her head, she tells bf that something's hurting her head, she wish it would go away. Bf, just like most men is thinking of just solving the problem - which is for her to remove the nail from her head. So, bf tells her to remove the nail from her head and she yells at him and tells him how insensitive he is and he doesn't get her, understand her, etc. In other words, some women just want to vent. Men are problem solvers. Some women don't want to hear what you can do to relieve their issue, they just want a shoulder to cry on. IMO, she should be launched. I think you don't say/do things in front of your partner - like on the toilet with the door open, talking about your poop - you get my point. Cuz, when you get that "familiar" with your partner, IMO, that's the end of romance. Yes women fart and all that, but what man really wants to think of his "flower's" farts? I think she shouldn't burden you with her bowel movements and how many times she goes to the bathroom...that's just nasty.
acapelo_dp Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hm, well on one side I can see why she is embarrassed as she wants to be open with you and shes been dating you one year. You should be happy she is comfortable around you. BUT she shouldn't be talking about this on a daily basis. I mean, I am definitely comfortable talking about bodily functions with my boyfriend but I don't do it all the time, just joking sometimes. But talking about taking dumps constantly kind of ruins the....attraction. I think you did the right thing and you didn't say it rudely, I probably wouldn't have said it during a date though.
mightycpa Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I think if you'd just bang her really hard every couple of days, then it should loosen things up and let them flow out naturally. WIN-WIN-WIN. Obviously, I don't know, but it works that way for my wife. She doesn't have IBS. 2
Assasda Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I think if you'd just bang her really hard every couple of days, then it should loosen things up and let them flow out naturally. WIN-WIN-WIN. Obviously, I don't know, but it works that way for my wife. She doesn't have IBS. So litterally bang the S#!T out of her?
veggirl Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Apologize for hurting her feelings then let it go, I guess. You know she has IBS and has trouble going..and she knows you know so why she wants to discuss her sh*tting is beyond me. She's probably just embarrassed, but honestly if her talking about it really turns you off it's GOOD you told her. Just try to talk to her about the situation calmly, explain you didn't mean to hurt her feelings but you want to have an open line of communication etc etc... 1
ladyu Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 what u said would hurt her but she should understand that u r not mother or father so i dont think u did anything wrong by telling her that... she expects a lot... she wants u to be a parent as well as boyfriend... u are already doing a lot for her.... just try to convince her that u will not repeat it and try to apologize.... what more can u do ? and what more should she expect ?
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 She's probably just embarrassed now that she knows it bothers you and she's been talking about it all along. I have a disorder that causes me issues with pain down there, but it's more bladder related (I'm not incontinent, it's just pure pain but no physical problems other than the fact that the pain can be debilitating). I am so used to talking about it after having it for nine years and hundreds of trips to the hospital and doctor's surgery etc. that I would probably talk about it without thinking. Partially because it's essential to speak to a partner about it because it affects them too (I can't be intimate when the pain is kicking in, and as an explanation for why I'm sometimes out of it from the medication) and also because the only thing worse than being in all of that pain is feeling that you have to hide it (that gives me major anxiety from being at school and having it and being too scared to tell anyone as I thought I was dying and I would carry on trying to go to lessons etc. wishing myself dead because I was in so much pain). It has almost cost me jobs and almost cost me my degree, has had a huge impact on some relationships at times, and I've had a lot of treatment, so it's not something I'm used to being able to brush under the carpet. It was actually a relief when I started being open with people about it because they understood more why I wasn't making plans with friends, or why I was calling in sick to work twice a week every week, or why I was having operations etc. She's probably the same: to her it's probably nothing embarrassing and if it's causing her lots of pain she probably wants to share it with you, hoping you'll give her empathy and understanding and maybe just because blowing off steam about it makes her feel better inside. So it's probably running through her head 'how are we going to work if he can't handle this part of me?'. I couldn't be with a guy who told me it was a turn off when I told him my bladder was hurting. Because anybody I get together with has many years of that to come, even though I try keep as much of it inside as possible. Maybe she's having doubts, maybe she thinks you're selfish because you're talking about how it sexually turns you off when all she's thinking about is trying to ease the pain and discomfort. It's not as simple as the posters here saying 'who talks about pooping with a partner!? that's when the mystery has gone', she has a medical disease that makes pooping and talking about pooping a normal part of her life so it's not like she's discussing it for no reason. I think the best way you could salvage it would be to say something like 'I'm really sorry that I was so insensitive before when I said what I did about you turning me off. I know how difficult this is for you to live with and I want to do everything I can to support you through it, whether it's practical or just emotional support I can give you. Please feel like you can talk to me about it when you want to' If you can't handle it and it genuinely turns you off so much that you can't imagine being attracted to her over time, do her a favour and end it. Or maybe she'll decide to end it because she can't be attracted to you anymore due to the trust being broken. Who knows. I feel for the girl going through something so painful and personal that has an impact on most areas of her life, maybe discussing peeing wouldn't turn you off as what she talks about, and personally I can't imagine it would bother me if my boyfriend spoke about stuff like that as long as it wasn't in massive detail (consistency etc. lol), we already joke about pooping occasionally, kinda happens when you live together, although I wouldn't go as far as some couples I know who'll go with the other person in the room, like ever lol. 2
LoneIsland Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Yes, you were mean. She has a problem that affects her everyday life and you are probably the only one who she can talk to about it. You need to be gentler when you tell her you don't want to know. You can fix it by continue to apologise. You can also buy a little something that she likes and have it delivered to her. 2
CharlieFox Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Yes, you were mean. She has a problem that affects her everyday life and you are probably the only one who she can talk to about it. You need to be gentler when you tell her you don't want to know. I don't see how he was mean at all. If he told her this, as he said he did: ...she didn't always have to tell me about her bathroom habits and I knew it was out of her control but it could be weird for me sometimes when she told me... This is as gentle as it gets - she doesn't need or have to tell him ALWAYS. He understand her situation and said he would like to help her if he could, what else does he have to do? Just sit there being uncomfortable every time she talks about it and just suck it up? If she was mad about this then she is insecure (which is normal) and that's a childish behavior.
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Lol....makes me think of a joke I heard one time. Chick has a nail in her head, she tells bf that something's hurting her head, she wish it would go away. Bf, just like most men is thinking of just solving the problem - which is for her to remove the nail from her head. So, bf tells her to remove the nail from her head and she yells at him and tells him how insensitive he is and he doesn't get her, understand her, etc. In other words, some women just want to vent. Men are problem solvers. Some women don't want to hear what you can do to relieve their issue, they just want a shoulder to cry on. I don't know if that is a joke so much as it is sage advice. It's absolute spot-on.
Winterina Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 If she is serious about the relationship then it is right she got mad. Why? Because life will throw at you all sort of things and illness is inevitable. I would get concerned if I didn't poop for 5 days. Should I just be dying on the inside and seeking emotional support from other people, have my partner think I am just in bad mood all the time, OR should I tell my partner what is on my mind that bothers me and hope he is mature and experienced enough to actually be that support? If I get sick with something disgusting tomorrow I would not want my closest person to run away because I am not projecting sex appeal every day of my life. I would not want him to make me feel worse at a bad time in my life. Who really needs a guy like that? 2
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