c.jude Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 So my boyfriend and I work together. Our friend from work mentioned a party tonight in Philly. Minimum age requirement is 18. I have partied some a while ago , haven't been since I've been with my boyfriend (a year). Anyway, our friend invited me to come and I was like, "Nah, I would, but my boyfriend doesn't want me partying." Then our friend said, "Let me talk to him. Just to see what he'd say. " anyway, he talked to him and tried to get him to come along and he said no. Then he told him, come on you should. Cj (me) is going. Then my boyfriend said, "No. She's not. " Now he is angry at me that I "considered and wanted" to go. I think he's overreacting. I wasn't even going to since I know he doesn't like me going out. I'm a little upset because he was like, "Yeah you say you won't go but you will and I'll see a picture of you the next day getting nailed by two guys. " I mean,, it wasn't like I was going to go. I wanted to , but I knew he wouldn't like it. He's upset at the thought that "I wanted to and considered going. " Is he overreacting or am I being undersensitive? He just told me, "I'm upset now." And is giving me the cold shoulder. I don't know what I should do? I'm 18, he is 23.
Minnie09 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 It is important to figure out what you want to do. You're young, and if you're invited to a party, and you want to go, then go. He could've come with you, or was he not invited? It's none of his business to tell you what you can or cannot do. He is not your parent. 1
Zahara Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 He sounds very insecure, and controlling -- not surprising. The comment about getting nailed by two guys -- You're 18. I'm not sure why you're living your life the way he tells you too. If he doesn't trust you, then it's his own insecurities. Or, he can compromise and go with you. 1
Author c.jude Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Call me old fashioned, but I don't think someone in a committed LTR should be out partying. I understand that you're young, and I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to spend your time hitting parties and all. I did that when I was 18. So, you know your boyfriend doesn't want you going out to parties, and you've decided you want to be with him. When someone asks you to a party, this is not how you should handle it... Instead, you just decline. What you did just lead this to happen... If you had just said you didn't want to go, none of this drama would have went down. You put him on the spot. My guess is this was intentional. The way you handled this situation tells him you wanted to go. Sometimes we do things for our partners. Like skipping parties. I was invited to hang out with a few women I go to school with recently. I declined. I didn't use my GF as an excuse, and I didn't let anyone talk to her about me going. I handled it, because I know she wouldn't want me to go. Problem solved. No need for me to make threads on LS because I handled it in a way to avoid needless drama. I'd be upset if I were your boyfriend too. You're young, but you're still a grown woman. You shouldn't have people asking your boyfriend about going to parties for you. If you want to go, go. If you don't, then you decline the invitation. The thing is I wasn't even going to. And yes, I did want to go, but I wasn't going to because of him. And when our friend asked why if I didn't want to, I too him my boyfriend didn't really like me going out. So our friend went up to him just for laughs and tried to get him to come too. He shouldn't be jumping to conclusions and telling me at working he doesn't want to see me being "nailed by two guys". He goes out drinking and gets wasted with his friends, yet when I try to go out to a party I'm cheating and he'll "break up with me if I go"?
Author c.jude Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 It is important to figure out what you want to do. You're young, and if you're invited to a party, and you want to go, then go. He could've come with you, or was he not invited? It's none of his business to tell you what you can or cannot do. He is not your parent. I understand that, and I took his feelings into consideration and didn't go. I'm young, I work in retail so there isn't a lot of opportunities for me to go out with friends on the weekend. So I did consider it. I wasn't going to cheat or do drugs. Just be out there socializing for something new. We rarely go out and do something out of the norm since we don't have a lot of money. Sometimes he drives me nuts. Like he just said, "No, you're not going." it just annoys me. I know he's a lot younger than me, but he constantly tries to baby me. He claims because I'm young and naive and just a baby. He's protective because he cares for me. I don't know. I'm still upset about it. I mean, if it were the opposite way around, I'd probably go with him if I felt insecure or trusted him and just had him call me when he there and when he leaves. Just to stay in touch. Idk I'm just venting right now.
mightycpa Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 So instead of rewarding you for being on board with him, he punishes you for what you considered and rejected? He's an ******* that you will dump eventually. Might as well get it over with. 1
LostOnes05 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Alright, there is a line between protective and controlling. He is on the controlling side. I bet he makes you eat your vegetables first! (haha I'm jk). I disagree that this is your fault. You are not his puppet. You have a mind and a mouth, and if you don't start speaking up every guy will treat you like this! The only standpoint I would agree with him on is if you were going out and drinking. But even so, if I was your boyfriend I would have asked if you really wanted to go, pressed a shirt and some jeans and met you there. If I wanted to be protective, I'd simply say "Yea, I want to meet these guys anyway...so if something ever happens to you I know whose lungs to collapse" obviously in a joking manner. He turned it into something more in order to have more control over you. You've gotta be able to see thru this. 2
GemmaUK Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 He is a controlling idiot! I see no harm in wanting to go to a party at all. This reminds me of something I recalled and posted yesterday.This is me quoting myself.. My RS began going downhill at about 1.5- 2 months...when I really started noticing wierdness. He got in a huge strop about a work event which I had actually declined (it's a pretty much compulsory yearly event with a seminar, team building games and a dinner dance in the evening. It's no partners. He told me that if I ever went to it he would find out where it was and turn up in the evening so that I didn't 'sh*g' my male colleagues!!!! WTF!!!??? I was at this time a 43 year old (now 45) woman, well respected within the company and have been to 5 of these events. The worst thing I ever did was stay up chatting with the MD and one of the women from another branch til 4am! He clearly didn't respect me enough to be aware I had a choice. Twit! The age is irrelevant but clearly both my ex and your bf don't have enough respect to realise that 'getting nailed' is a choice and attending a party doesn't mean that it's gonna happen. For the record my guy became more and more controlling and turned abusive as time went on. It doesn't get better and doesn't go away either. Your man is massively insecure. 1
Assasda Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 So my boyfriend and I work together. Our friend from work mentioned a party tonight in Philly. Minimum age requirement is 18. I have partied some a while ago , haven't been since I've been with my boyfriend (a year). Anyway, our friend invited me to come and I was like, "Nah, I would, but my boyfriend doesn't want me partying." Then our friend said, "Let me talk to him. Just to see what he'd say. " anyway, he talked to him and tried to get him to come along and he said no. Then he told him, come on you should. Cj (me) is going. Then my boyfriend said, "No. She's not. " Now he is angry at me that I "considered and wanted" to go. I think he's overreacting. I wasn't even going to since I know he doesn't like me going out. I'm a little upset because he was like, "Yeah you say you won't go but you will and I'll see a picture of you the next day getting nailed by two guys. " I mean,, it wasn't like I was going to go. I wanted to , but I knew he wouldn't like it. He's upset at the thought that "I wanted to and considered going. " Is he overreacting or am I being undersensitive? He just told me, "I'm upset now." And is giving me the cold shoulder. I don't know what I should do? I'm 18, he is 23. OP, How does it feel being a grown-ass woman and getting CONTROLLED????
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Bloody hell, he sounds awful. Totally manipulative and emotionally abusive. He's probably so insecure about the idea of you actually going out without him and having fun and possibly talking to guys he's being as nasty as possible to prevent you from going because you're scared of his reaction if you do. So he has you where he wants you, refusing to go out because he doesn't like it, which means he never has to feel jealous or insecure about it. Well played. Jerk. Is this what you really want, at 18? Even when you decide not to go, he still gives you grief. Never let yourself be controlled by a partner, if things are right together, then you will be able to give one another the freedom to go and do what you like (within reason: and a party is certainly reasonable for an 18 year old!) secure in the knowledge that they will come back to you. 2
veggirl Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 your boyfriend is a dick. you're EIGHTEEN why are you wasting your time? that "i'll see pictures of you getting nailed" comment was gross, he sounds like a total jackass. what a friggin baby, getting all butthurt because you may have wanted to go to a party, like that is such a strange thing for a teenager to want to do. your bf doesn't like you to go out? so he objects to you having a social life outside of him often? RED FLAG, GF. 2
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 So my boyfriend and I work together. Our friend from work mentioned a party tonight in Philly. Minimum age requirement is 18. I have partied some a while ago , haven't been since I've been with my boyfriend (a year). Anyway, our friend invited me to come and I was like, "Nah, I would, but my boyfriend doesn't want me partying." First of all, your boyfriend is controlling. And if you don't like that kind of a relationship, GET OUT. But you also didn't help the situation. You could have stated ANY OTHER REASON to not go, but you deliberately said of ALL reasons, that your boyfriend doesn't want you partying. Think about it for a second. Cause and effect.
Author c.jude Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 your boyfriend is a dick. you're EIGHTEEN why are you wasting your time? that "i'll see pictures of you getting nailed" comment was gross, he sounds like a total jackass. what a friggin baby, getting all butthurt because you may have wanted to go to a party, like that is such a strange thing for a teenager to want to do. your bf doesn't like you to go out? so he objects to you having a social life outside of him often? RED FLAG, GF. Well he doesn't want me going out partying at all. I do understand to a point, but yeah, if he really wanted to go And I was insecure, I would have just gone with him. He did have to wake up around 8 the next day though, but even of he didn't, he still would have declined because he doesn't go out often really. He doesn't have many friends. What pisses me off more is I tell him that night to stop treating me like I'm his child, and he goes, "psh you kind of are. "
Author c.jude Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 First of all, your boyfriend is controlling. And if you don't like that kind of a relationship, GET OUT. But you also didn't help the situation. You could have stated ANY OTHER REASON to not go, but you deliberately said of ALL reasons, that your boyfriend doesn't want you partying. Think about it for a second. Cause and effect. I was just being honest. The only reason why I didn't go was because he doesn't want me partying.
RoseMadder Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Your boyfriend (emphasis on boy) sounds like a controlling, immature bully. You're 18 years old, if you don't enjoy yourself now you will regret it and end up resenting him for not "allowing" you or trusting you enough to make your own decisions. This idea that people in LTR's shouldn't ever do anything without their SO is just ridiculous, if someone's going to cheat they WILL find a way to do it regardless of how much control their partner has over them. I go to parties without my H or stay after he goes home, he knows that I'd never behave inappropriately or do anything I wouldn't do in front of him so what's the problem? I actually think he enjoys getting the bed to himself occasionally I don't understand why someone would want to be in a RS with a person they think would cheat at any given opportunity. You can't bully a person into loving you and why would anyone even want that? The fact is your bf was verbally abusive towards you, if that's something you are willing to tolerate then I wish you luck because you're going to need it, if not then you need to start standing up for yourself. Tell your bf you're a grown woman who is capable of making her own choices, if he doesn't like it and chooses to behave like a spoiled child then you have to decide if you want to spend your life having your every move dictated to you by someone who thinks you're a sl*t. My experience is that most people get sick of being treated like a criminal by their partner and eventually run as far and fast as they can.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 You are far too young to be limiting yourself to a controlling and manipulative boyfriend. He's showing you he will emotionally abuse you into doing what he wants. It will not get better. Please, walk away from this. Your older self will thank you for not tolerating such crap.
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