hello234 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I know having an affair itself is bad, but sometimes I feel that when an already married women is involved in an affair, that she is made out to seem as less of a fool than a Single women might be seen.. Do u agree? Ex, Lets say a Married women had everything she needed, a loving husband, money, home, children, etc..and was in an affair with a MM.. say that MM intention was just to turn to her for "fun" or because he was bored, but would that still make her out to look as helpless and a fool as a single women would have been in this situation? because a MW has everything she needs, it doesn't matter if the MM had fun with her and went back to his wife, cuz she is doing the same. she can always be having the same fun, needing the same comfort and going back home to her loving husband..so don't u think an MW wont look as bad? whereas, a single woman, she is relying on the MM for comfort as she doesn't have a partner of her own, might not have a family, her own luxuries, etc.. and he can just turn her off one day and say I aint gonna be with you.. and shes left all alone.. Please don't get me wrong- I am not trying to say single women who involve with MM are fools, I am just trying to see what ppls thoughts are on how a MW looks being in an affair with a MM, verses a single woman.. Its like, even if the MM cheated the MW in the affair, it went bad or something, its like it doesn't matter for her, because she has the loving husband and home to go to... U know what imean? whereas a single woman might end up feeling like she lost more and looking more cheated and like a fool... Your thoughts?
evanescentworld Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I think there may be some self-justification going on here, although to be fair, I haven't read any of your previous posts or contributions.... In my book (and it's quite a thick book so I'd have to find the page reference! ) there is no such thing as a person having an affair, who is completely happy and satisfied with their life at home. A person may have 'everything they need' at home - but that doesn't necessarily mean they are happy. It's what they actually 'want' that counts.... No person I have ever known, in an affair, is doing it purely and simply for fun. And having an affair with a person who is already in a committed relationship, but is resorting to lies and cheating, is misguided and hurtful. it doesn't matter if they're married or single, engaged, gay, straight whatever you will. An affair - hurts people. Regardless. 4
DKT3 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm lost. So your saying that single other women are more foolish to be in an affair because she isn't being a lying betrayer along with a cheater? Honestly I think its worse for a married woman. The reason is no matter what the MM said about being single, getting divorced or whatever, she herself is still married. It makes even worse if you have a loving, caring husband. Why would you cheat? I doubt most single OW would risk it if they already had it. 6
Red123 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 My opinion only, a MW looks far worse than a single one. A MW knows what the commitment of a M looks like and what is at stake. A single oW may have never experienced the dynamics of a marriage/partnership and can't imagine being the BS on the other end, a MW could. The thought may he that a MW will get less attached because she has less time to pine. In my case this was the opposite She was saying ILY within 2 weeks of only chatting on IM at work before the A really took off. I would have thought a woman M in her 30s with kids would have been less invested but I was wrong. A single OW doesn't have as much to lose and so IMO a MW looks far worse In The aftermath of an A. 2
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 This board is filled with single ow who are hanging around waiting for MM to walk out on his wife and family. The vast majority of MOW are cake eaters and want the stability of marriage plus the excitement of the affair. They are both crap, and comparing levels of crapness is useless....but it does take a special kind of selfish to wish for the destruction of a family and to wish for that pain on innocent children, just so you can win someone else's man. 7
Wambo Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I know having an affair itself is bad, but sometimes I feel that when an already married women is involved in an affair, that she is made out to seem as less of a fool than a Single women might be seen.. Do u agree? Ex, Lets say a Married women had everything she needed, a loving husband, money, home, children, etc..and was in an affair with a MM.. say that MM intention was just to turn to her for "fun" or because he was bored, but would that still make her out to look as helpless and a fool as a single women would have been in this situation? because a MW has everything she needs, it doesn't matter if the MM had fun with her and went back to his wife, cuz she is doing the same. she can always be having the same fun, needing the same comfort and going back home to her loving husband..so don't u think an MW wont look as bad? whereas, a single woman, she is relying on the MM for comfort as she doesn't have a partner of her own, might not have a family, her own luxuries, etc.. and he can just turn her off one day and say I aint gonna be with you.. and shes left all alone.. Please don't get me wrong- I am not trying to say single women who involve with MM are fools, I am just trying to see what ppls thoughts are on how a MW looks being in an affair with a MM, verses a single woman.. Its like, even if the MM cheated the MW in the affair, it went bad or something, its like it doesn't matter for her, because she has the loving husband and home to go to... U know what imean? whereas a single woman might end up feeling like she lost more and looking more cheated and like a fool... Your thoughts? My thoughts are the following.... Most cheaters have mental health problems or otherwises they wouldn't go down this route in harming others. 7
Author hello234 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Yes.. But looking at it from the eyes of a MM involved in an affair..there is no real way that he can treat an already MW bad unless she is expecting him to leave his wife for her, If she is not expecting that, then he can't really do anything to say that he "cheated" her and messed her up as shes a married woman , and has everything she needed (husb, house, kids).. and can always make HIM feel bad and flaunt her great life to him by saying her husband treats her so well , and that they go on vacations etc.. so in the end, she can make herself not really look like she lost anything by ending the affair or getting rid of him.. as opposed to a single woman.. Whom the MM can think like, ah, that woman has nothing.. even if I dump her, she's got nothing to show off to me.. or compete with me against...
DKT3 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) Yes.. But looking at it from the eyes of a MM involved in an affair..there is no real way that he can treat an already MW bad unless she is expecting him to leave his wife for her, If she is not expecting that, then he can't really do anything to say that he "cheated" her and messed her up as shes a married woman , and has everything she needed (husb, house, kids).. and can always make HIM feel bad and flaunt her great life to him by saying her husband treats her so well , and that they go on vacations etc.. so in the end, she can make herself not really look like she lost anything by ending the affair or getting rid of him.. as opposed to a single woman.. Whom the MM can think like, ah, that woman has nothing.. even if I dump her, she's got nothing to show off to me.. or compete with me against... What are you getting at here? Are you trying to convince yourself that your better off in the affair because your married and have a great husband? So great that you've been obessing over this guy and totally taking this great husband that gives you a great life for granted. Your less foolish because your willing to risk it all, whereas a single OW take no such risk? Or betrays someone she made a vow too. Edited October 3, 2014 by DKT3 2
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I believe a married woman is a safer prospect for a man who wishes to cheat, too many obstacles to overcome on both sides. It can happen, but much more difficult. A single woman is less turmoil if it is an exit affair. An example, although highly publicized, and less probable, is the Angelina-Brad Pitt affair, she single and single mom, he unhappy, and they easily became a loving couple. It would have been more difficult if she was married also or if he had kids. I guess the dynamics really depend on the mindset of those involved. It is really hard to predict. It is not simply black or white. 1
onemanband Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I think the mw is more of a fool, she has more to lose and the pain the bs has to Endure but cheaters don't think of that until it's too late then all of a sudden they fall back in love and what to do everything to fix it, best advice just don't go down that road
herself Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Doesn't matter how its PERCIEVED the reasons are the same for falling in the trap, the love is the same, the PAIN is the same when ending. 1
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Yes.. But looking at it from the eyes of a MM involved in an affair..there is no real way that he can treat an already MW bad unless she is expecting him to leave his wife for her, If she is not expecting that, then he can't really do anything to say that he "cheated" her and messed her up as shes a married woman , and has everything she needed (husb, house, kids).. and can always make HIM feel bad and flaunt her great life to him by saying her husband treats her so well , and that they go on vacations etc.. so in the end, she can make herself not really look like she lost anything by ending the affair or getting rid of him.. as opposed to a single woman.. Whom the MM can think like, ah, that woman has nothing.. even if I dump her, she's got nothing to show off to me.. or compete with me against... I do not get this, why would a man think like that, a single gal has the opportunity to find true love, not remaining in a stale marriage, if she is a MW wandering elsewhere.
Tayla Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 thoughts....Keep it simple...Ring or no ring, Someone is ringing the wrong bell. the act is what it is...no good comes of it. haven't seen a nation improve from this behavior, haven't seen mankind become more respectable....Let me know though when the world becomes a better place from this and I'll reconsider my thoughts.... evanescentworld- Its on reference page 4- midway down with alotta footnotes I marked it for ya!! 1
whatatangledweb Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Who's opinion are you referring to? The MM, friends, family?
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I just have to add, single gal here, with a large home, set and okay, why would you say a woman has to be shacked up with a guy to offer that? 1
curiousGeorge2 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) This type of questions is like "how many angels can dance on a head of a pin" that priests used to debate in the middle ages. On the other hand, a married person involved with a single person is depriving/delaying that person the possibility of a marriage and a family unless he/she breaks his/her own family. That is why I think every single OW/OM should think twice before getting involved with a MM/MW and should break the A unless you don't care about marriage at all. But many OM/OW do not realize the in-equality until it's too late. I was one of them and fortunately my MW kicked me out before it was too late. Edited October 4, 2014 by curiousGeorge2
Hope Shimmers Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 whereas, a single woman, she is relying on the MM for comfort as she doesn't have a partner of her own, might not have a family, her own luxuries, etc.. and he can just turn her off one day and say I aint gonna be with you.. and shes left all alone.. What?!!!? I don't think that married women necessarily "have everything they need" as you stated. I started dating my ex-MM when he was separated. I wasn't looking for a married man to have an affair with! I am happily single. I don't need a man to "rely" on for comfort, "luxuries", etc. Really? I pay for my own luxuries. I have no idea where you are going with this thread. I have tried to be nice to you in your past thread which went nowhere and now I see why. Good luck. 6
DKT3 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Doesn't matter how its PERCIEVED the reasons are the same for falling in the trap, the love is the same, the PAIN is the same when ending. I disagree, single OW aren't betraying, hurting a husband or putting at risk the well being of her children and their way of life, robbing them of a two parent home, making (in most cases) the father a Wednesday and every other weekend dad. For what? Love? Nah, no one loves an AP when the affair starts. Pain is self imposed, kinda like sticking your hand in a fire, you know its going to hurt and you do it anyways. MW simply create MORE havoc and spreads around more pain. As much as MM/MW, OM/OW want to deny or downplay it children get hurt in affairs, there is very little positives from there seat in the back. 6
DKT3 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 What?!!!? I don't think that married women necessarily "have everything they need" as you stated. I started dating my ex-MM when he was separated. I wasn't looking for a married man to have an affair with! I am happily single. I don't need a man to "rely" on for comfort, "luxuries", etc. Really? I pay for my own luxuries. I have no idea where you are going with this thread. I have tried to be nice to you in your past thread which went nowhere and now I see why. Good luck. Hope, I think OP is really directing this at herself in an attempt to make herself feel better. She has mentioned a few times that her husband is loving and caring and would do anything for her. I see her question as a step forward. Maybe she is finally starting to see what she is risking. I see how she could have offended single OW, suggesting that a woman can't be happy unless she has a man taking care of her, making her more needy towards MM. I don't know, I'm trying to see some positive here. 2
eye of the storm Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Good catch Hope. Hello234, why are you trying to get someone to validate your feelings that you, a MOW, are better than a SOW? Why would you think one is better than another?
Hope Shimmers Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hope, I think OP is really directing this at herself in an attempt to make herself feel better. She has mentioned a few times that her husband is loving and caring and would do anything for her. I see her question as a step forward. Maybe she is finally starting to see what she is risking. I see how she could have offended single OW, suggesting that a woman can't be happy unless she has a man taking care of her, making her more needy towards MM. I don't know, I'm trying to see some positive here. I have been trying to see positives. But did you read this earlier post? "Yes.. But looking at it from the eyes of a MM involved in an affair..there is no real way that he can treat an already MW bad unless she is expecting him to leave his wife for her, If she is not expecting that, then he can't really do anything to say that he "cheated" her and messed her up as shes a married woman , and has everything she needed (husb, house, kids).. and can always make HIM feel bad and flaunt her great life to him by saying her husband treats her so well , and that they go on vacations etc.. so in the end, she can make herself not really look like she lost anything by ending the affair or getting rid of him.. as opposed to a single woman.. Whom the MM can think like, ah, that woman has nothing.. even if I dump her, she's got nothing to show off to me.. or compete with me against... " She doesn't get it. It's clear from her posts. 2
lovinDKT3 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I have been trying to see positives. But did you read this earlier post? "Yes.. But looking at it from the eyes of a MM involved in an affair..there is no real way that he can treat an already MW bad unless she is expecting him to leave his wife for her, If she is not expecting that, then he can't really do anything to say that he "cheated" her and messed her up as shes a married woman , and has everything she needed (husb, house, kids).. and can always make HIM feel bad and flaunt her great life to him by saying her husband treats her so well , and that they go on vacations etc.. so in the end, she can make herself not really look like she lost anything by ending the affair or getting rid of him.. as opposed to a single woman.. Whom the MM can think like, ah, that woman has nothing.. even if I dump her, she's got nothing to show off to me.. or compete with me against... " She doesn't get it. It's clear from her posts. It takes some of us a while to get it
dichotomy Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) Not every single OW cares about trying to steal MM nor is MM their only lover or long term lover goal. They may just be enjoying some fun as well. Sometimes (this goes for single OM or single OW) and married person may be the kind of fun toy they seek. Further they maybe dating other men, while seeing a MM, cheating in essence on those single BF's. In other words single OW maybe a player as well as MM/OM. Even with a single OW (or OM lets be fair here) the kids of the WS are being hurt. Just if instead OW is married, then she is hurting two families. So its more. I suppose one can take the view - well with a single OW its not HER family so its less cruel, or a numbers game - only one spouse and two kids were hurt, not two spouse and 4 kids......and maybe a single OW takes the view -its not even adultery "on her end" since she is single. Its a mess and frankly hard in every specific case ( every affair and people involved are different) to say whats worse or better. but I suppose yes you could generically say a married OW is a bit worse. Edited October 4, 2014 by dichotomy
still_an_Angel Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I can see this from both sides of being an OW as my A with my MM started when I was still together with my H, and now I'm separated but MM is still with his W. I don't think one status better than the other, I think any person who knowingly gets involved with a married person is playing a dangerous game. Certainly I had a whole lot more to loose when I was married, the stakes were higher because of my kids. Its not so much now, but being married or separated doesn't change my relationship status as his OW. 1
cocorico Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Not every single OW cares about trying to steal MM nor is MM their only lover or long term lover goal. They may just be enjoying some fun as well. Sometimes (this goes for single OM or single OW) and married person may be the kind of fun toy they seek. Further they maybe dating other men, while seeing a MM, cheating in essence on those single BF's. In other words single OW maybe a player as well as MM/OM. As are all different, and the people in them are different and have different reasons, hopes, ways of being, and different outcomes. Which is better or worse, more or less "foolish", or which situation contains the fewest imbalances is a subjective matter, depending on the values of whoever is judging. What is more important is whether, in your own A, you feel you are making fully-informed choices from a position of strength, and whether you feel your R is providing you with what you need. If you feel in control, happy, satisfied and fulfilled, that's great. If not, make whatever changes will make you so. Life is too short to waste it on unsatisfactory Rs. 1
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