leavethepieces Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 We've been seeing each other for several months. It started out casual and I told myself I was not going to let my feelings get involved, because as we all know, it's always the OW who gets hurt! Well, I had been trying to keep him at arms length but things have been quickly progressing in the emotional arena. I keep wondering if he will say ILY to me. I truly think he feels it. He says "I really like you" alot, wants to spend as much time together as possible, talks about the future. The way he looks at me says it. But I refuse to say it first. The last time I said it first, it was not exactly mutual. So I'm curious to know when it was said and which of you said it!
eye of the storm Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I've whispered it a few times when he was sleeping. I refuse to say it. I once mentioned how much I missed him (we both travel for work and can go months not seeing each other when we are out of the country) and he laughed and said I know, and I love you too. I melted. I still melt when I think about it. But I still haven't said it. Just an FYI, falling in love with a MM is a short trip to alot of pain. There are a few cases where they work out but I wouldn't put any money on it, the odds are stacked against you. good luck
Author leavethepieces Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I've whispered it a few times when he was sleeping. I refuse to say it. I once mentioned how much I missed him (we both travel for work and can go months not seeing each other when we are out of the country) and he laughed and said I know, and I love you too. I melted. I still melt when I think about it. But I still haven't said it. Just an FYI, falling in love with a MM is a short trip to alot of pain. There are a few cases where they work out but I wouldn't put any money on it, the odds are stacked against you. good luck Don't I know it. Been there and done that! Which is why I've been trying to keep this one at arm's length. The difference this go round is I think he MAY be more into me than I am into him...which was not the case the last time.
scatterd Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I thought you were trying to avoid this. Remember he has a family and people that cheat usually are looking to only feel a certain void in their life. I know that some people like to make their marriage look worse then it is for an excuse to cheat.If you both get caught it could cause lots of problems with work and such. Also what is I love you worth when he is not solely yours.You might want to back up a little this is going fast. I am not saying this to judge I am letting you know how much hurt and failure in affairs I have seen here. Working to gather makes it worse.Give this thought and do some reading here. Good Luck 1
eye of the storm Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Leavethepieces, If your first foray into being an OW didn't work out, why are you trying to do it again? Even if he is super "in to you", it is unlikely he will leave his BW. I am fully aware that my MM is not planning on leaving. I am ok with that. We were together for over 3 years when I started to feel softer emotions for him, then I spent some time thinking I was an idiot for falling for him. Now...its just another facet of our relationship. If you are looking for the forever or being number 1, then this is not a good or healthy pattern for you. Esp if you keep falling in love with the MMs. Take care of yourself. There is no need to hurt yourself needlessly. 4
Author leavethepieces Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I thought you were trying to avoid this. Remember he has a family and people that cheat usually are looking to only feel a certain void in their life. I know that some people like to make their marriage look worse then it is for an excuse to cheat.If you both get caught it could cause lots of problems with work and such. Also what is I love you worth when he is not solely yours.You might want to back up a little this is going fast. I am not saying this to judge I am letting you know how much hurt and failure in affairs I have seen here. Working to gather makes it worse.Give this thought and do some reading here. Good Luck I wouldn't say it's going fast. This has been going on for about a year and just starting to get serious over the last couple of months. (This is not necessarily to you, but any future replies) I guess I should have prefaced my post with: NOT looking for judgment or advice. So if you aren't here to answer the question I asked, feel free to move on to the next post.
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Not judging but why is, 'I love you,' so important to you? I believe if he is absolutely certain this is an exit affair and he loves you, it could mean something, but without knowing it could be simply careless whispers. You will be really hurt.
HPrynne Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I don't remember who said it first, though if I had to I would guess that he did. I didn't place any particular importance on the exchange of those specific words because what was happening was clear and mutual. We fell hard and fast for each other. It did not start as something casual or with low emotional investment, and it has turned out to be an exit affair for both of us.
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Wow. Just went through your previous threads...have to ask...what is your end game here? Are you looking for a new husband or just a fling? What is it that causes you to seek validation from married men? I think you should love yourself more before worrying about te love of a man who is not your husband. Are you still married? I thought you were working on your marriags for the sake of your child. And go back and read yout thread 'what's wrong with me?' The one where you swear first post youre never going to do yhis again. The last time you did this you helped ruin MM s marriage and damaged your own. I ask again...what is your endgame? 1
Minnie09 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 My MM said it first. He is very much in love with me, I believe. Since he is M and I am not, I would have never said ILY first, because 1) it takes me forever to figure out if I "love" someone (except for my son), plus I am not even sure what it really is/means, and 2) I really like him, but love? and I didn't know where we stand, so I have always been cautious......I don't feel I have the right to love a MM. Liking him....yes. Liking him a lot / very much.....sure. Enjoying our time? Definitely. But love? Not sure if that's even an "option" here. Hence, my reluctance.
Nattie Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 We didn't say I love you for 18 whoooole months, but neither of us say it unless we mean it. Now he says it all day every day.
GoldenAxe Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I'm an OM of five years. She said it first a couple mths into it. I felt it as well, but then after a little while I told her I can't be sayin ILY to someone that wouldn't leave her husband for me. We started saying it again like 4 mths ago.
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 He said it first and I was totally stunned. If I remember right, I didn't say it right back. I think I said "I have feelings for you too." It seems strange, but I remember where I was when I heard it, but I don't remember clearly what happened beyond "I think I love you" or when it happened. I want to say it was a few weeks into our PA, maybe a day or two before d-day... But I don't even remember if d-day was a few weeks or a few months after the PA started. it all runs together for me. We had been in an EA for much longer than the PA so his saying it so "fast," in the context of our relationship, it wasn't actually that fast at all. I do want to say, things change after somebody says they love you in an affair. The stakes get way higher. If I could have it to do over again, I'd have maybe fought to keep the "I love you's" unsaid for as long as possible. When we were having a hard time or he was preparing to end the relationship or go NC, we knew it was coming when somebody wouldn't say it. It hurt way worse than I can describe and it made the bouncing back and forth between affair, broken up, not broken up, he's leaving, I'm leaving, etc etc... It just made it hurt so much more.
MissBee Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 He said it first...a year or so in, but said he felt it long before he said it. I'm not gonna give you advice, but am curious as to why if you are "trying to keep him at arm's length" this even matters...why do you care if he is gonna say it or not?
cocorico Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So I'm curious to know when it was said and which of you said it! As, like any R, are a lottery as far as feelings are concern. With the best will in the world you can try to keep yourself detached, but sometimes the feelings just strike regardless. In our case, he said it first, fairly early in, although there had been signs of it looming before then. I deflected initially and then succumbed, and then we considered our options and decided we wanted to be together FT.
carhill Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So I'm curious to know when it was said and which of you said it! My remembrance was I said it first, but that's typical for a man in my demographic, and that was nearly two months in and apparently was quite a wake-up call that perhaps impelled the young lady to inform me that she was married. Oops. Reflecting back, after that point, once she was comfortable 'having' me, it was easier for her to write and say that. Back in the day, there were no cell phones and e-mail, rather love letters. In the milieu, as you are OP, things can look and feel markedly different from life's later reflections upon the events of the day. My best advice is to be sure this is how you want to spend your valuable life time and then, once decided, go with it. For myself, it was a good eight years after 'go with it' and those ILY's that I finally said 'goodbye'. Your path will be your own. One thing affairs, and later marriage, taught was that love and relationships are generally transitory, much as I would have preferred something more permanent. Preference is one thing. Reality is another. The results are unknown in advance. Good luck!
Recommended Posts