loadofhoopla Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 My ex is getting married tomorrow. It has been six years since we broke up. I am engaged now too, but I can still say without a doubt that he was and always will be the love of my life. We broke up right when I started law school. I was crazy and wild, and would constantly go out and flirt with other guys. I am from an extremely large family, and never got enough attention. It took years before that eroded away enough at him that he let me go. I still know that there was a point in time when he loved me as deeply as I loved him. He is marrying someone that I actually kind of knew. She is kind of boring and plain and I get it. She is what he was looking for all along. He was more mature than me always, even when we were nineteen he was nothing less than a genuine gentleman. I sent him a text saying that I know it is weird coming from an ex, but congratulations. I said I was genuinely happy that he was so happy, and that I wish he and his beautiful soon to be wife all of the love in the world. I am so sad. Maybe it is because my fiancé now is not very nice to me all the time. I guess I will never be over my ex. I really do wish him nothing but the very best.
evanescentworld Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 You sound wistful and full of regrets. And it sounds as if with your fiance, you're 'settling' for something which could only be described as 'second-best'. If you're not happy, fulfilled and completely contented with your life, now - then action a change. I don't care what you decide to do - leave, stay, remonstrate, challenge, question - but do NOT stay 'helpless' in a relationship where your partner treats you disrespectfully and in a not very nice way. Would you stand by and let your daughter remain in such a situation (hypothetically, if you had one, I mean....)...? I suppose if you had your time again, you would do things differently - but then again, why should you? You were who you were, and now you are who you are. Live with the acceptance of times changed, and make the best of what you have. And if you don't like what you have - then make it again. 1
Reels Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Well, you were responsible for that situation in some ways. You basically got what you wanted.
edgygirl Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Your post brought tears to my eyes. I've done it a few times in my life. I took for granted the beautiful people who put all their heart for me. Until I grew up. I don't judge you because that's the nature of life... we have to grow as people and some of us do lots of stupid things in life until we do. I feel one day I might feel the same thing you are feeling about 1-2 of my exes. I hope you find peace within you. If you don't feel happy with your fiancee please do some thinking about it.
Magnet Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I still know that there was a point in time when he loved me as deeply as I loved him. . If this is true then you will always be part of each other's hearts. What you are feeling now is valid- use it to transform your future. I understand that feeling of regret- I realise that I messed up quite a lot with my ex who did lots of lovely things for me. I treated her badly at times. I was that person yeah.... Wishing you the best in finding release. Forgive yourself- you are the most special person in your life.
Author loadofhoopla Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Thanks everyone for responding. I know that I made incredibly stupid mistakes in the past and took him for granted. Regret is hard, because I am simultaneously full of regret, and at the same time I know it is useless. I made the decisions that I made because I was the person that I was at that time. Even if I could go back, I would never act any differently in those moments because my entire life prior to then built me up to be the person that I was, making those decision that I made. I could not have chosen differently even if I wanted to. Even further, the subsequent moments that I regret are what made me the person I am now. Oh life, you are so confusing. I just wanted to write something because I felt these tugs on my heart strings all weekend. I was just flooded with memories, and love, and I know that we were never meant to be and it is ok. I really am very happy for him because I think she is exactly what he has always been looking for and wanting. I am sad because the love that I felt for him was and still is so strong that I am having a hard time processing all of the emotions. I thought I was feeling ok with everything, I knew I would always love him but it was distant. I was having days where I never thought about him at all, and I was ok with that. Then hearing that he was getting married the next day on Friday was like a jolt. Just memories flooding in. I have been kind of avoiding Facebook because I am still friends on there with all of the friends that we had together when we were together (I actually grew up with him, so we know a lot of mutual people). Even so, I knew him so well. I know exactly what the wedding was like, and his friends and family that were there, and how much fun he would have. I don't even need to see the pictures. It is ok. Life is just sad sometimes.
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