Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 The sex too early isn't the root. It's bound to be that he doesn't make her wet. She's not sexually attracted. Or he performs poorly in bed. It is a factor. I am around the same age as you. Women want yo be empowered and in control..them giving in and letting him have sex with her makes them feel weak and cheap and she doesn't want to be a notch on his belt or he took advantage of het ..thus embarrassed and pull away.
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I date a lot. It's a rare thing that I actually come across one that I'm totally into. However, that doesn't mean I smother them. I mean like Big Tree said, just saying good morning or how's your day periodically shouldn't "scare" someone off. If I like someone then I want to talk to you. I don't argue and I'm not controlling. Why I have to be aloof to gain someone's interest is stupid. So frustrating. Don't text them everyday good morning or how is your day. You can do it occasionally...just not everyday. Pick a day and don't call or text them but do respond if they do text/call you. Doing it everyday could show puppy dog neediness. What has been your past relationships been like in terms of length? 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I don't know. Sex too early makes could make her feel weak and cheap, or it could be what she desires. Wait too long and she'll be gone. Who really knows. I agree waiting to long could hurt as well. From my experience I wait till date 3 to even expect any sex to occur. This is for people you meet online or random meet. If this was a date with a coworker or someone you established friendship with then sex on a 1st date is less of a concern.
CaliGuy Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 How do I stop being the "nice guy"? Because apparently, it scares the crap out of women. Read my threads. You can stop the madness if you do.... See below. Nice guys finish last.
Darkray117 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I think being a nice guy is equated to being a friend and friendzoning yourself. I guess be flirty with women if you want to date them. 1
GravityMan Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Two things stick out to me reading your experiences in this thread, OP... 1) The women you've dated likely felt you were boring. One reason why happy relationships flourish and last is that they have some spark and a hint of an edge. Boredom is damn near the antithesis of spark, and thus it is a significant attraction killer for most people of both genders. Many nice guys (even the genuinely nice ones) who lack self-respect and are overly routine (i.e. lacking in spontaneity) in their lives tend to come across as mundane individuals to many others. 2) You care a bit too much...the fact that you're getting frustrated and borderline upset proves that. You seem like one of those guys who puts a lot of his "manly" value, happiness or worth into his ability to land a woman. Now...it would be a mistake to do a complete 180 and not care at all, as that would deposit you firmly into "jerk" territory. Just tone it down a bit. Do continue to treat them well and make women feel desired and special, but stop putting them on pedestals...they are just women with regular lives and feelings, not queens or deities to worship. Harden up that backbone of yours. One important common thread among the good men and women out there...their happiness comes from within. Also, the fact that you're in your 40s might be a concern, as 40-somethings tend to be more set in their ways. Most guys who had similar feelings as you in their teens and early 20s tended to grow out of it by their mid 20s to early 30s and became more confident and less spineless.
Adele0908 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I don't know. I've been searching for that significant other for a long, long time and I have zero success to show for my efforts and it's really hard to not become an A-hole to these women who start out all hot and heavy and then do the slow fade and then flake out after only a couple weeks. This last one I met in September, thought she was absolutely a perfect match for me. First date we hit it off, she begins texting me all these things like she hopes I am the one, and she really likes me, second date went great but I think it turned at that point because we had sex and suddenly it became too soon and she wasn't ready. I backed off saying I'm not in a hurry, I like her I want something long term with her and sex was great but it isn't all I want. She faded within two weeks and is now gone. I realize I should not have had sex with her but she wanted it and I did too. I just let her go. Wished her luck. But I'm so angry for getting my hopes up. I don't want to become an a-hole. But look around, all the A-holes have girlfriends/boyfriends. I don't know anything about you or your life, but what if you just stopped searching and focused on you goals, passions, and whatever else excites you in life? Purpose-driven people, male or female, tend to be more attractive.
gaius Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Bold and brash is the key. With a lot of sexual stuff mixed in. You don't have to deliberately start arguments but don't be passive about what you want or afraid to bring it up. Even if it's one of those things you were told growing up never to say to women. If you're not arguing at all you're probably not doing that. At the end of the day even the women that end up not giving into you respect and enjoy you more if you behave in that fashion. And a lot of times they do end up giving into you. Sometimes I've even shocked myself at the positive responses I've got to stuff. When I've thrown stuff out there never expecting it to work but it did.
smackie9 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 There's a difference between being a nice guy and a total doormat.
RonaldS Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Being super nice doesn't scare women....it bores them.
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 First, you need to be the distinction between a "nice guy" and a "good man". I'll take good man 10 times out of 10. If you TRULY want to stop being a nice guy, read "No more Mr Nice Guy".
Recommended Posts