cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 How do I stop being the "nice guy"? Because apparently, it scares the crap out of women.
Jules Dash Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Trust me, your niceness is not scary to them. The other things you do that gets lumped under "nice" is what's doing it such as always texting or calling or always backing down from a debate etc,. 2
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 So if you like someone, you aren't supposed to communicate with them and you are supposed to argue with them? Got it. Dating sucks.
Crila16 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 No it doesn't it doesn't scare the crap out of women. It scares the crap out of girls. Seriously...girls want the nice guys, once they realize the bad boys break their hearts and let them down over and over again. DO NOT change who you are. The right girl is going to love the hell out of you for who you are. If you try change and aren't true to yourself, then how do you expect to find your significant other? 2
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I don't know. I've been searching for that significant other for a long, long time and I have zero success to show for my efforts and it's really hard to not become an A-hole to these women who start out all hot and heavy and then do the slow fade and then flake out after only a couple weeks. This last one I met in September, thought she was absolutely a perfect match for me. First date we hit it off, she begins texting me all these things like she hopes I am the one, and she really likes me, second date went great but I think it turned at that point because we had sex and suddenly it became too soon and she wasn't ready. I backed off saying I'm not in a hurry, I like her I want something long term with her and sex was great but it isn't all I want. She faded within two weeks and is now gone. I realize I should not have had sex with her but she wanted it and I did too. I just let her go. Wished her luck. But I'm so angry for getting my hopes up. I don't want to become an a-hole. But look around, all the A-holes have girlfriends/boyfriends.
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 You can stop by becoming a playa. To get the best out of women you need to blow hot and cold. So you need to say one thing and do another. For instance you can tell them you are really into them, and then you leave a long gap in between contacts. When they could not resist the gap and contact you to see if you are really into them, you can repeat the whole process. Of course you vary the "thing" you are into each time, for example you might find their eyes beautiful, their face lovely, their hair sexy, etc, etc. If they are not hooked on, you can give them an occasional prod of "really missing you x x". Just keep it short and sweet and well gapped time-wise. They should be all over you in no time.
Redhead14 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 How do I stop being the "nice guy"? Because apparently, it scares the crap out of women. What is your definition of "nice guy"? I can tell you this, women do enjoy nice men, men who like to do things for them, take care of them a little, be affectionate, men they can rely on some. They do not, however, like to feel like they've lost their independence or sense of self. Sometimes being a "nice guy" is smothering. I have no idea what your situation is, but that's some insight. 3
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I'm 43. This last girl I'm talking about was 45. I'm not kidding. This is ridiculous. And no. That is a freaking game and I'm too old for that BS. If I like someone, I'm me. I'll text good morning and then wait for a response to continue the communication. I don't blow up phones or anything like that. Being too nice by being available. Not having any "issues" they need to fix, having a good life and being happy in it. And yes, I fully believe the smothering thing but I don't think seeing someone once a week and just texting every day can be smothering.
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 If it doesn't work then you should not persist. It is fruitless to insist women to be what they cannot be.
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Nice guys can be the one who texts regularly (too much). Nice guys can be the one who is always free and has no other responsibilities or life/hobbies. Nice guys think the world hates them and everything in their life that is bad is down to someone else. No challenge, no fun. Good men have a life and you don't get the feeling that their happiness comes from you. Good men have other interests..aside from 'her'. Good men know how to take responsibility for their own stuff and situations They own it. That demands respect...respect is given. He is interesting and opens up but not always. He chooses his battles sensibly. Jerks don't reply and are uber sexual but have little intellect or if they do they don't share it with a woman as they deem her as unintelligent from the get go. Many nice guys do this also. 6
Cunning_Linguist Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 "Nice? Never accuse me of being nice. Optimistic? Cheerful? Respectful? Polite? Yes, but never nice." The key is being a gentleman without being a pushover. Stand up for what you want. Challenge others for what they believe in without judgment. Be confident and believe in yourself. Honestly and confidently express how you feel. The key: Hold a standard for everyone you spend time with Don't treat her differently just because she has a vagina.
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm 43. This last girl I'm talking about was 45. I'm not kidding. This is ridiculous. And no. That is a freaking game and I'm too old for that BS. If I like someone, I'm me. I'll text good morning and then wait for a response to continue the communication. I don't blow up phones or anything like that. Being too nice by being available. Not having any "issues" they need to fix, having a good life and being happy in it. And yes, I fully believe the smothering thing but I don't think seeing someone once a week and just texting every day can be smothering. Gawd! A 45 yo woman is not after a good morning text! Text her later with a 'real' something. 1
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Well this pretty much just sums up that I need to get out of the dating world.
Crila16 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Are you too accommodating? You can still be yourself and play it cool. You and I are pretty much close in age, and I can tell you from first hand experience about guys that are too needy and guys that are too unavailable. I need that perfect mix of both...and I'm not finding it. If you say you're too nice...what does that entail exactly? Dont' mix up too nice with too needy and too accommodating. You don't have to change your personality to change those traits. Those are just simple dating adjustments to keep a girl interested. For example. A girl wants to know she's special. She wants to know that you don't fall in love easily, but the day she walked into your life, you knew she was the one. At the same time, the girl wants to know that she has a bit of a challenge too. Make her feel beautiful, call when you say you are going to call, show up when you say you are going to show up...but if we want you to be available at our beckon call...you have to put us in our place and let us know that you also have a life outside of us. Don't revolve your world around us and make us your beginning and end all. That's a lot of pressure on a person. 3
smackie9 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Be cool, aloof, mysterious. Don't always be the one to initiate contact. If you are only seeing them once a week, they are not that into you. Move on.
Redhead14 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm 43. This last girl I'm talking about was 45. I'm not kidding. This is ridiculous. And no. That is a freaking game and I'm too old for that BS. If I like someone, I'm me. I'll text good morning and then wait for a response to continue the communication. I don't blow up phones or anything like that. Being too nice by being available. Not having any "issues" they need to fix, having a good life and being happy in it. And yes, I fully believe the smothering thing but I don't think seeing someone once a week and just texting every day can be smothering. Ok, you are right once a week and texting everyday is not smothering. If this one is scared by this, it's not you, it's her. Either she's not as into you as you are to her or she has something else going on with her. Frankly, what you are saying is something I welcome from a man if I like him too. Date me
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm your age and have no idea how to do it either. Can't get straight answers. Be hot and cold, mysterious, unpredictable, edgy but if you're not normally that way it's painfully hard. It isn't just immature girls, but older ladies who seeming want this. Worst of all she will complain about there's no nice guys out there but then not be interested. Got nothing. Why is hot and cold so hard ? I have given the entire formula already. lol.
BlueIris Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm 43. This last girl I'm talking about was 45. I'm not kidding. This is ridiculous. And no. That is a freaking game and I'm too old for that BS. If I like someone, I'm me. I'll text good morning and then wait for a response to continue the communication. I don't blow up phones or anything like that. Being too nice by being available. Not having any "issues" they need to fix, having a good life and being happy in it. And yes, I fully believe the smothering thing but I don't think seeing someone once a week and just texting every day can be smothering. Yeah, I don't think that that's why they don't want to keep dating. The first few weeks and dates, even months, are exploratory and you can't really tell if the two of you will mesh or not. So maybe try not to get too attached or have expectations until you know enough to know if she really is a good fit for you.
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Be guarded initially and don't be too accommodating/puppy dog. Don't have sex early in the dating...this isn't on you ....but some women if they sleep with a man too soon feel ashamed by it and thus pull out of the relationship.
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Cool, aloof, mysterious are critical. But how does a guy pull that off when it doesn't come naturally. Then the guy should practice and learn new tricks. If the guy refuses to learn then he doesn't deserve the reward the effort brings.
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I date a lot. It's a rare thing that I actually come across one that I'm totally into. However, that doesn't mean I smother them. I mean like Big Tree said, just saying good morning or how's your day periodically shouldn't "scare" someone off. If I like someone then I want to talk to you. I don't argue and I'm not controlling. Why I have to be aloof to gain someone's interest is stupid. So frustrating.
Author cdt76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 And I've lost the interest of women by NOT having sex. So throw that piece of wisdom out the window. Simple fact is, I've come to learn, that people are not honest with themselves about their emotional availability and heart/love situation, so they throw themselves into the dating world and realize oh SNAP...I'm not ready for this.
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Obviously you have to have some substance well as tricks. Just having either is not adequate. You'd need money, house, looks, etc, etc. Try women older than you, they could be more desperate.
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I don't understand who that's offensive but then again I'm doing no better than him. I don't get it. It's not offensive...but it's boring and predictable. Do it sometimes, not always... Same with good night texts...sometimes but not always. Don't run your life around texting that woman you like!!!!
Recommended Posts