AaronSG Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Today is the two month Mark since my ex-fiance left me, it's still very hard at times like it is for me right now. I sit here in my new home, which has helped detour the in home visual reminders, for I was miserable in the old place we shared, reminders and memories around ever corner. But tonight I revisited some of our old stomping grounds, a local park we used to walk through late at night, the route taken, and ended my trip down memory lane by stopping in front of my old place. Standing there reflecting on the good times, remembering her the way she was when she first arrived at my home, then calling it ours. As I made my way back home I got very choked up and stopped and sat on the street curb and just started crying. I looked up into the night sky and asked quietly "why"? Why did someone who came to me so sweet, so full of life, so full of wonder, so full of innocence, why did she come to me as a heaven sent being and left me as a servant of the devil? It still very much hurts and stings me how someone could give up their free will and powers of choice and listen to one's parent. A parent that had hard pressed his Daughter about coming home and needing her disability check to survive. And when that wasn't working to toss in that he touched the family crucifix and got a message from God and was told that I was no good for her, and that God said it was time for her to come home, and she bought it! In all of my 44 years of being alive, I've never had a relationship end this way. I've been through regular breakups, I've been through a divorce, but never had I dealt with this! Also getting a call last week from one of her family members, stating the even before my planes wheels came to a stop in Columbus Ohio, her Father had me and my family scooped out on Facebook. Telling this family member, that all the people his Daughter could hook, she hooked them a winner! Also telling this family member that they'll have to try and get in on some of what me and my family has. To know that I was reeled in like a fish and was suckered from the start feels bad. I brought this woman into my life because I loved her, I gave her a ready made home because I loved her, I gave her access to my family because I loved her, I gave her access to my friends because I loved her, I gave her access to my money because I loved her, I gave her multiple trips to places she'd never seen because I loved her, but more importantly, I gave her all my love, because I loved her! It really hurts my feelings because now, after that call from her family member, I now have to question from "day one" is motive, which now taints and tarnishes the whole relationship. But even with everything I still find myself miserable without her. I very much miss the woman I first met, not the woman who put all the blame of our failed relationship on my shoulders. Who walked out the front door for the last time leaving a ice dagger in my back, penetrating my heart. I sat there on the curb, looking into the dark sky asking "how do you let someone you love go"? I know it's probably for the best that things are over, her narcissistic Father, her Mothers bartered wife syndrome, and my ex-fiance being a sociopath in training! I know it would have ended eventually, but the spin chilling and depressive "why" keeps haunting me. I apologize for maybe just rambling here, but I'm still hurt and confused and torn and very much conflicted of who the woman I love and loved really was?
Reels Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I have read the whole. I have some questions. # Is there any chance, that you can have her back? # Is there any misunderstanding? # You think that she hates you and/or don't want to see you anymore?
Author AaronSG Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 1) Is there any chance I can get her back? Maybe, if it was totally up to my ex-fiance, maybe! But more than likely her Father would intervene and become narcissistic and tell my ex-fiance no! He'd become fearful that he would miss out on my ex-fiance's disability check, after all that's why he convinced her to come back home for, little does she know it was for her money. 2) Misunderstanding? I don't know, she acted like she knew what she was doing on her way out. Maybe she was being controlled by her parents, being told how to be rude, unkind and unloving towards me. The twisted and evil exit games she was playing, did feel like something perhaps out of her father's play book. In order to determine if there was a misunderstanding, I would have to fly from Sacramento to Columbus, find a way to get her all alone, without any of her manipulative parents around and ask her, face to face! 3) The hates me/doesn't want to see me again? The only time she told me anything close to not wanting to see me again was a phone call we had back on August 7th, coincidentally she only talked that way when she was back at her parents house. Perhaps she was being monitored by her parents and knew she would be expected to bottom line thing's with me and request to never hear from me again. I don't really know what to think, her family, namely her father is so manipulative and controlling, I honestly don't know what to think, maybe going there at the risk of getting into it with her father is the only way I will ever know!
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Some people you just have to let be who they are. However, if you think she is really being controlled, then she needs to be rescued out of such an abusive situation. As for the phone call from the family member, I don't think it shows that your ex was manipulative the whole time. I took that as her father getting happy because his daughter found someone with money, and hence, someone he and the family could mooch off through his daughter. It would be different if your ex said all that stuff instead of her father. But the story is confusing to me. They all wanted you for your money and now they don't because her father said God has a change of plans? I'm lost. Oh, and I don't like when people hide behind their gods. My ex did that a lot, and it messed me up so much after the breakup.
Author AaronSG Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 But the story is confusing to me. They all wanted you for your money and now they don't because her father said God has a change of plans? I'm lost. Oh, and I don't like when people hide behind their gods. My ex did that a lot, and it messed me up so much after the breakup. About 2 months before the breakup, I came in from being outside for a while, talking to a friend. When I came in I saw my ex-fiance on her computer on a Skype video call with her father. She had Pay Pals web site up and our MasterCard in hand. I asked what she was doing, she said she was going to send her father some money, because he needed to put some gas in their Durango. I asked how much money she planned on sending, $50.00! I stood there for a second, knowing damn we'll we were having a hard enough time paying our own bill's, I made a choice, I drew a line in the sand and told them with all due respect, I am putting my foot down and not allowing this to happen. From that very moment it had felt like I opened up pandoras box. From that moment thing's changed between me and her parents. Shortly there after is when the late night private phone calls between Daughter and parents started to take place. The vibe I was feeling is that I had gone from a walking viable asset, to a stubborn liability! So by me saying no to the one time, after I had said yes to the other 40-50 times, that did it for her parents, that's when they probably started to try and convince their Daughter that I was no longer a team player, and if I wasn't going to play ball, then they didn't need their Daughter in my life anymore! What a waste!
Reels Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 1) Is there any chance I can get her back? Maybe, if it was totally up to my ex-fiance, maybe! But more than likely her Father would intervene and become narcissistic and tell my ex-fiance no! He'd become fearful that he would miss out on my ex-fiance's disability check, after all that's why he convinced her to come back home for, little does she know it was for her money. 2) Misunderstanding? I don't know, she acted like she knew what she was doing on her way out. Maybe she was being controlled by her parents, being told how to be rude, unkind and unloving towards me. The twisted and evil exit games she was playing, did feel like something perhaps out of her father's play book. In order to determine if there was a misunderstanding, I would have to fly from Sacramento to Columbus, find a way to get her all alone, without any of her manipulative parents around and ask her, face to face! 3) The hates me/doesn't want to see me again? The only time she told me anything close to not wanting to see me again was a phone call we had back on August 7th, coincidentally she only talked that way when she was back at her parents house. Perhaps she was being monitored by her parents and knew she would be expected to bottom line thing's with me and request to never hear from me again. I don't really know what to think, her family, namely her father is so manipulative and controlling, I honestly don't know what to think, maybe going there at the risk of getting into it with her father is the only way I will ever know! Wow. Every single word that you have written, you have basically suggested that she is very innocent and anyone else(particularly parents) is responsible. I would just say that you should take some break from these issues. They are not going to be resolved if she has been actually forced by her own parents for all this. If she was still loving you, she wouldn't be doing all this.
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 In that case, she did you a favor by walking out that door. I know the pain still stings for you. I'm not trying to minimize it. But if she loves you, she would have put you first not her family. You are past the age of playing with daddy's little girl. You need a woman. She is also bad at decision-making. She can't think on her own. That will spell problems in the future.
Author AaronSG Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 If she was still loving you, she wouldn't be doing all this. Your right, if she still loved me, she could have put her foot down at any time and told people "enough is enough"! Rather it be that she was unknowingly being used as a pawn, or knew exactly what she was doing by being briefed by her parents prior to moving in with me, either way, if she truly loved me, and cared anything about making our relationship work, she could have stopped everything, but she didn't. Either which way, pawn or not, it just racks my mind that there people out there like her family, basically wolf's in sheep's clothing, who are capable of being this way. Damn particular if you ask me, never had a breakup like this before, I stop being an asset and a team player and within months she's gone! Never had parents of any of former relationships get their meat hooks into their Daughters and by way of guilt trips, money and messages from God, never had a relationship end by any of that! And to know that there's like a 99.9% chance that my friends and family and myself were being played before anything really began, talk about a real kick in the balls! I'm doing the best I can to move on, maintaining strict "no contact", attending some support group meetings, talking with friends and family, taking time to try to be nice to myself, coming here to LS and reading story's and gaining hope by what I read. It's just hard, sometimes painful, sometimes confusing and perplexing and sometimes getting down right pissed off. But I'm doing the best I can, one foot in front of the other!
Author AaronSG Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 (edited) You are past the age of playing with daddy's little girl. You need a woman. She is also bad at decision-making. She can't think on her own. That will spell problems in the future. "Daddy's little girl".......that's just the tip of the iceberg! My ex-fiance from story's and personal examples I saw at her parents house in Columbus Ohio, I saw some serious Daddy worshipping going on. She really has put her dear old Dad on a pedestal, sometimes in the relationship, I didn't even feel as high on a pedestal as he was. As far as being able to think for herself, she's real weak in the department. My ex-fiance was pulled out of school, for reasons never made clear to me, in the 2nd grade, her parents never thought it important, nor had concern for ever putting their Daughter back into any school system. I didn't know this fact until we were months into the relationship. Also some other facts came up at various times in our relationship, that made me really start to question my ex-fiance's decision making processes, and or at least question her mental health status. She told me a few times about some gaps in her childhood memories, there were parts of her past that she could not remember. Also as a child to young teenager my ex-fiance was exposed to high amounts of alcoholism in the home, namely her father's issues with the bottle. She told me story's about when he would drink he would violently abuse her mother. Also her father, even to this day has a super hard time staying off the morphine pills, and when he does pop the pills he rages and gets delusional and verbally abuses anyone that's around him. Also, I don't know if this goes towards my ex-fiance's lack of good decision making, or towards her mental health status, but when she was like 12-13-14 years old she used to be a "cutter", for whatever reasons people can do that to themselves, the place on her body she would primarily damage was around her vaginal area! She kept herself very respectable downstairs, nice and shaved, but not around the lips, I asked why a couple times why not shave there, she said she didn't like the scars, I then left the topic alone, for it always brought out emotions within her, as if her mind rewinded a bad movie and was playing it in her head. Also, when problems would come up in our relationship, like external stuff, choices about purchases, problems we were having with others, I always wanted us to handle the decision making process. Nope, 5 times out of 10 if she thought the problems were outside the scope of us being able to handle it, she'd always give dear ole Daddy a call and see what he would do about it. This annoyed me greatly! We could have handled every problem that came our way on our own, we didn't need het dad's help, but oh no, she just must have been a little institutionalized in her ways of thinking, and always depended on Dad to make up her mind for her! Also, my ex-fiance prior to meeting her was a hermit, always in her bedroom, always on a computer, no real world friends, only friends that she makes on line. Also from the ages of "0 to 26" she had lived with her parents, never once moving out into the real world to see what it was all about. Also from the story's, she had never really been outside Columbus Ohio, nor ever to mention outside the state! So yeah, now that some time has gone by and I'm able to look more objectively about things, yeah, she unknowingly came to me very damaged, primarily mentally, but possibly physically as well. A lot of abuse and traumatic events in her past, so yeah, making good decisions for herself and or others was almost impossible. Edited October 6, 2014 by AaronSG
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Sounds like she needs a lot of help. But she isn't here with us, you are, and I think you need to continue to come here and vent as much as possible to heal. Your questions may never be answered. You may never know if she was genuine with you. Most people are left with that lack of closure. They think everything in the relationship is going fine, and *poof* husbands, fathers, wives, or mothers leave to go to the store for milk and never return. It's mind bottling, which is why I said sometimes you just have to let people be who they are. 1
Author AaronSG Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 how old is this woman?? 26 years old when I met her, 27 years old when she left!
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