Haerts Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 This question just came up in my mind, but it's something that I've been thinking about every now and then. Do you think we should show to our partners the things that makes us weak or should we keep that to ourselves? I've been always one to open up and show my true self to the guys I've met, perhaps maybe sooner than I should've - would've avoided a few heartbreaks. But it's really not something I can control. I'm transparent and sincere, if I'm thinking about something I just say it, 'cause I don't have anything to hide. I always thought that showing your weaknesses, as well as what makes you strong to someone you love and trust, would be the best thing to do. He would be getting to know the full you. It always seems like that when you or your partner are not sharing enough information about each other, and that includes your weaknesses, it's like you're hiding something and not really allowing yourself to be in a relationship. Turns out it can become a game, one won't show because the other one isn't showing and eventually things just get screwed up. Am I the only one to think that way? Like, if you show yourself and the other one does it as well, you're both showing that you trust each other and know what to do to make your partner happy and what to avoid. Let me know about your thoughts.
No Limit Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Would you play poker with open cards? Personally I keep some things for myself, and myself only. No need for the partner to be jealous or feel left out, those things are small in number and it's not like I'm giving them away to someone else.
Author Haerts Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I'm talking about relationships, not games. If you relate a relationship to a game, it only makes me think that you should hide what you can so you can win in the end and it just doesn't sound right, sorry. That doesn't means you have to say everything. But I suppose you should allow yourself to express your feelings instead of hiding them inside out of fear. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I'm talking about relationships, not games. If you relate a relationship to a game, it only makes me think that you should hide what you can so you can win in the end and it just doesn't sound right, sorry. That doesn't means you have to say everything. But I suppose you should allow yourself to express your feelings instead of hiding them inside out of fear. Relationships are not games, for sure. Showing your weaknesses too soon, before you really know the other person, is not such a good thing to do though. Unless you know and trust that person well, you may be in a situation where the person plays on those weaknesses. However, if the person is tuned into you and a deep way, they will pick up on and know them anyway. There are people who can do that very early on, as well, and will use them against you. In this case, you must at least, put your "confident and best side" on to protect yourself from users and abusers.
Gloria25 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Oh gosh, I was thinking about this most of this week - when it comes to my relationships with men and just doing daily interactions with people... I have such a hard time showing weakness...even when being faced with some serious stuff....Again, I revert to Lisbeth, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and in the trilogy, she was about to go to court, be put back in the crazy house, and she was like "whatever"... And, I'm too much like that...Even when people and family come to help me I'm still thinking of ways I could have taken care of it without them. People say that once I warm up to them I'm ok... I think that's what holds me back in getting close to someone in relationships - I'm scared that they will not like "me"....so, I guess I only show them parts of me. I was with a guy for like over 6 years and I guess I can say he saw all parts of me...Since then, I've been very, very guarded about opening myself up and just doing that scares me. Vulnerability is hard, I also guess cuz I came from a broken home, I don't want to allow myself to trust others cuz I'm afraid they'll let me down. So, I'm Miss Independent, Miss Self-Sufficient, Miss Keep Your Distance... Some say it's good to show weakness cuz people will be more open to you and I sorta believe that cuz that's why I like Katniss in the Hunger Games. I like that she's scared and doesn't want to be a heroine, she has doubt, and her weakness is what makes her "relatable" I guess.... But, in real life, I don't like to show weakness - cuz I'm scared I'm gonna be hurt... My advice to others is that you gotta know who you're dating and timing...I know of women who are vulnerable and date jerks and the first thing they do is tell the new guy how much the last guy was a jerk and IMO, the new guy either looks at her as someone with issues or he decides that he's gonna f-with her now cuz she's an easy target... So, IMO, WATCH the other person, and with more time hopefully you can tell if they're someone you want to reveal yourself to...And, take your time and reveal your parts slowly, watch their response... Also, I think that there is no value in being an "open book"...Spilling your guts to people when the information is of no value to them, IMO, doesn't help the relationship and may even destroy it. Let's say you have diabetes, well, if you watch your diet and care for yourself - telling a partner that on a first date, IMO, is not necessary...But let's say you have cancer and are currently in remission...well, yes, once you decide you wanna date seriously you NEED to let your partner know cuz if you get worst or they want kids then they need to make an informed decision about being with you.... Sorry for the long rant...
Author Haerts Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 I don't like to show weakness - cuz I'm scared I'm gonna be hurt That's insecurity and that's something you should work on yourself. I've been in a lot of heartbreaks, believe me, I've been pretty much 3 years feeling more or less with a heartbroken that would only break even more after each guy that appeared in my life. But eventually I found out that I'm not the problem. They were. Like I said, you don't have to say everything that comes to your mind or mention all of your stuff to someone you're still getting to know, but being able to open up and show vulnerability only shows how strong you are, because you're aware you can hear bad things, but you also know great things can come from it. I still believe that the main base of a relationship is trust. If you can't trust your SO, how do you expect your relationship to grow? If you're always trying to show that you don't care and you're fine with everything, how do you think someone will want to stay by your side? Everybody has weaknesses. And you choose whether/which ones you should reveal or not. As much as being an open book maybe he hard and not necessary, I suppose being all closed off doesn't help either. 2
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