SomeDude16 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Hopefully I made this topic in the right section..... Long story short I went out on 5 dates with girl, we are hanging out in her apartment and I fell asleep while her and her roommate are watching a movie. I wake up and hear her say, her- "X just asked me out on a date" friend- "really?" her- "yeah, I'm nervous about it" I pretended not to hear as they though I was still asleep. I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking the "nervous" meant she did not want to go or something naive like that. She told me to text her later and I did but she did responded after I gave her 24 hours. I consider myself lucky I heard it and needless to say I deleted her number and cut all contact off with her. I'd hate to say it but this whole situation makes me kinda nervous to trust women I'm dating. How do some of y'all others deal with this distrust and prevent it from becoming an issue in dating?
Mrin Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Damn. That sucks. Mmmm basically when I was dating I just assumed that nothing was exclusive until we had the chat. Then I just trusted until proven wrong. I have to say though - that was damn rude of her. I never flaunted or elluded to my multi dating in front of any of the women. 1
Haerts Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 At least you discovered it now. Not everyone is like that, I can guarantee you, but you picked a wrong one. I'm sure eventually someone good will appear. Just have faith and don't accept any second best. 1
LostOnes05 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Incredibly tough to do bro!! In the last few years I have been 1) lied to (3x's), 2) cheated on (1x), led on (2x's). If you asked me 5 years ago if I would have the level of distrust I have for women now, I would have unequivocally said no. Part of the problem with dating is that people, especially with the advent of online dating, have the instant gratification of finding someone else with the click of a button. Even if you meet someone outside of that realm, you can never be sure of their motives...that in itself is the difficult part. Even a few weeks ago, I had a woman do the fade on me after verbally giving me buying signals only to find out that she wanted to get back with her ex. So my level of distrust has skyrocketed, in regards to women, and that is sad to say because I used to have the motto of "trust until they give you a reason not to"...silly me, I guess. However, I do think there are still good women out there!! In fact, I hope to one day find one that is as good to me, as I am to her. I think the only way to prevent distrust from becoming an issue in a relationship is to be completely upfront about what you want and ask that they are too. If things aren't working out, as they sometimes don't, just ask that they be upfront from the beginning. I have learned from each situation to pick up on different red flags with women and call it out immediately. That way I don't waste my time on someone who is just stringing me along. Take it as lesson to make you more aware of verbal and nonverbal cues that people send. Good luck and wish you the best in your future relationships! 1
Cristo Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Hopefully I made this topic in the right section..... Long story short I went out on 5 dates with girl, we are hanging out in her apartment and I fell asleep while her and her roommate are watching a movie. I wake up and hear her say, her- "X just asked me out on a date" friend- "really?" her- "yeah, I'm nervous about it" I pretended not to hear as they though I was still asleep. I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking the "nervous" meant she did not want to go or something naive like that. She told me to text her later and I did but she did responded after I gave her 24 hours. I consider myself lucky I heard it and needless to say I deleted her number and cut all contact off with her. I'd hate to say it but this whole situation makes me kinda nervous to trust women I'm dating. How do some of y'all others deal with this distrust and prevent it from becoming an issue in dating? Meh, this is just how women are. They will always have options and will always explore those options to the fullest. You have to learn to play their game or bow out.
Author SomeDude16 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Did you meet her online? Nope, saw her in person and started a conversation, then got her number.
jay1983 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Nope, saw her in person and started a conversation, then got her number. It happens (more often than not) I've had it happen a more than once after 3 months or so. And it's happened just a day after sex and a bunch of emotional cuddling. It's like they can just switch all their emotions off in an instant. Not much you can do except move on. She may call you in the next couple of weeks when it doesn't workout with X. If that happens, be sure to make a thread. lol
Assasda Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Hopefully I made this topic in the right section..... Long story short I went out on 5 dates with girl, we are hanging out in her apartment and I fell asleep while her and her roommate are watching a movie. I wake up and hear her say, her- "X just asked me out on a date" friend- "really?" her- "yeah, I'm nervous about it" I pretended not to hear as they though I was still asleep. I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking the "nervous" meant she did not want to go or something naive like that. She told me to text her later and I did but she did responded after I gave her 24 hours. I consider myself lucky I heard it and needless to say I deleted her number and cut all contact off with her. I'd hate to say it but this whole situation makes me kinda nervous to trust women I'm dating. How do some of y'all others deal with this distrust and prevent it from becoming an issue in dating? Dont know why you bothered deleting her. Because, all you did was went on some dates with this girl. She's not your girlfriend. Maybe you broke up with her to save her from your future jealously. Thats the only reason I see
Author SomeDude16 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Dont know why you bothered deleting her. Because, all you did was went on some dates with this girl. She's not your girlfriend. Maybe you broke up with her to save her from your future jealously. Thats the only reason I see The issue I have is not with dating multiple people. I do not practice it but that's my personal preference. My issue lies with the fact she decided to talk about dating another guy in my presence and then has the audacity to Act normally, espically after 5 dates. If you're quite literally going to go behind my back, then there is a bigger red flag and that's what I acted on.
Assasda Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 The issue I have is not with dating multiple people. I do not practice it but that's my personal preference. My issue lies with the fact she decided to talk about dating another guy in my presence and then has the audacity to Act normally, espically after 5 dates. If you're quite literally going to go behind my back, then there is a bigger red flag and that's what I acted on. There you go again. Saying she "went behind your back" when you dont really have a relationship with the girl. You dont know what she was even talking about. "so she got asked out?" Should be a sign for you to pull back, but not pull out. But whatever floats your boat. You just picked one of the 2 extremes IMO There's other chicks in the sea
LostOnes05 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 So... her leading him on for 5 dates, not responding to a text after 24 hours, and talking about another date with someone else in his presence = jealousy on the guy's part? I have to disagree with you there. This guy was burned and his time wasted. Seeing his frustration as insecurity isn't exactly a fair assumption. 1
Author SomeDude16 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 There you go again. Saying she "went behind your back" when you dont really have a relationship with the girl. You dont know what she was even talking about. "so she got asked out?" Should be a sign for you to pull back, but not pull out. But whatever floats your boat. You just picked one of the 2 extremes IMO There's other chicks in the sea While I don't agree with you I respect you're opinion. It's my personal opinion that if a girl wants to go on 5 dates with me, invite me over to her place, and then while, I a guy she is dating sleep in her home, talk about dating another man literally behind my back is rude. And if you really want to go on 5 dates with someone and still feel as if a date with man is warrented then my time is just being wasted. Anyway, thanks for your input.
Jules Dash Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 While I don't agree with you I respect you're opinion. It's my personal opinion that if a girl wants to go on 5 dates with me, invite me over to her place, and then while, I a guy she is dating sleep in her home, talk about dating another man literally behind my back is rude. And if you really want to go on 5 dates with someone and still feel as if a date with man is warrented then my time is just being wasted. Anyway, thanks for your input. I see both of your points. When it comes to dating, it really requires a competitive amount of patience and remaining cool under fire. Situations like this come up and you can still come out on top without throwing the whole thing out the window. Enough folks have a hard time even making it to 5 dates. You got there and was sleeping in her home. You were not in a relationship but you were still winning as far as I am concerned. I would have just pulled back.
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 The issue I have is not with dating multiple people. I do not practice it but that's my personal preference. My issue lies with the fact she decided to talk about dating another guy in my presence and then has the audacity to Act normally, espically after 5 dates. If you're quite literally going to go behind my back, then there is a bigger red flag and that's what I acted on. That was my concern too. It may have been OK for her to be multi-dating but it was really awful for her to discuss another guy while you were there, even if she thought you were asleep. Her bad behavior is no reason to distrust all women. Caution is important & people should earn trust but start them off in a neutral place not a hole meaning don't assume every one is lying to you but don't automatically think everything they say is 100% true. 1
Author SomeDude16 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Thanks everyone for your input, anyone else feel free to post your thoughts.
Author SomeDude16 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 For future refrence In case I find myself in a similar situation, can you elaborate on what "pulling back" would entail?
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