whatdoido123 Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 i was in a 4 year relationship with my gf. She broke up with me exactly 1 month from today. We had our ups and down. I know i didn't treat her the best and i regret it. First off she wanted space and wanted to live the single life and party. She is 25 and i am 26. So i said no we can try to work it out. But she said lets take a break first. So we did. 2 Week laster i find out on Facebook that she already has a new boyfriend at work. I work at the same company as her so i knew who it was. IT was sad, and she was my first everything. She never told me she had a bf and i am not sure how long they been dating. Technically we were on a 1 month break but she decided to cut it off and break up and if we are meant for each other we will come back to each other 1 day So i pretty much did the no contact rule for like a week after i begged her to come back and called her and everything but she declined. She cut off all contact with me and blocked my phone and FB and everything. The only way was thru email and so thats what we did. I haven't spoken to her for like a week and just last night she asked me "how i am doing" thru text. What should i do? Does that mean she still wants to see how i am? ANy thoughts would be appreciated.
losther215 Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 You aren't in any condition to talk right now soo would still not respond. Give it some time and text her back when you are in a more clam state. She's not going to get married in a month or anything so anything you say now can be said in a month with more thought and composure. Take as much time as you need. I think when you can accept she's not coming back is when you can talk to her. You can still be sad and miss her but make sure you're physically and mentally ok with the thought of Cher rejecting you again. She is just seeing how you're doing for her own good right now so I would t respond. It's still really early in her new relationship where she isn't really thinking or caring about how you truly are.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) READ THIS INSTEAD PLEASE SORRY i am going to explain this more throughtfully in this post; My gf is 25 and i am 26. We both graduated from the same school and both have a BA Degree. We met through mutual friends and we been together for 4 years now. I thought she was the one for me and we had plans to get married and have kids as well. We moved in together after 3 month of dating and have been living with each other for almost 4 years now. She always asked me when i will propose to her and get married but i was always the one who stalled said that i don't have enough money yet to get married and have kids. I regret not taking action until she finally broke up with me last month. During Labor day weekend (Sept 1) We went to San Francisco with my family and we stayed at a hotel and had a family gathering. Everything was good up until then. When we came back from the trip she asked to take a break because we had alot of issue and problems that needed to be solved. She asked for a 30 day break in which we don't see each other. I couldn't do it and i would text her and call her after the 2nd day. It was hard because she moved back to her mom's house and i never got to see her so i wanted to check up on her. Every time i tried calling her or texting her she would be annoyed. Eventually she wouldn't reply back to me and that hurt me even more. Each and everyday that passes by i couldn't see myself without her. She was my first love and we work together at the same company even though she is on the opposite side of the building as me. Then comes September 23, 2014. For some reason i log on Facebook and realize that a co worker posted about her and her new BF. I was pissed and i texted her and said "Congrat". Of course she ignored my msg and so the next day i confronted her thru IM at work and she pretends like she doesn't know what i am saying. I knew something was up because she always had lunch and took break together with him and i knew something was up. Offically on Sept 24, 2014 , she finally said to break up and to "LEAVE HER ALONE" and said "LET IT BE". She also said that if we are meant for each other then one day we will come back to each other. I found out where her new bf lives so i went to his house to see if my gf car was there and she saw me there but i drove off. The next day she said to stop stalking her. I denied it obviously, but i am really hurt now. A week has passed by and on October 1, 2014, she text me and says "how u doing". I texted back and said "im good, thanks for asking". We had our ups and downs. I never treated her the best i could. I mean i never treated her bad but i've come to realize that i should have been there for her more than i did. But it is too late to go back in time. So what do you see in her new relationship? Will it work out? Do you think she will come back to me one day? I don't want to keep my hopes up but she means EVERYTHING to me and it sucks because i still love her a lot. Edited October 3, 2014 by whatdoido123
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 can i get some feedback please
Trep Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Go No Contact and start moving on. It doesn't matter if her new relationship works out or not or if she will come back to you one day, the more you think about these questions the longer you're going to feel miserable. Think about yourself and your own well-being first, just like your ex is doing. 1
lolablue17 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 It went out of your control. Even if she wants you back one day, it'll be after she has tasted some other men. If i were you I wouldn't wait for her. And even if she wants you back now, I would told her to wait. not so fast.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 its tough, i still really love her and i worry about who she is with at night. I know she has a new BF already but it just hurts knowing what they could be doing together. I check my phone constantly to see if she would text me or if she needs help. I am not even hungry anymore and it just sucks
Brooke02 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 That's why you need to stay off her FB, it's only making you hurt worse. Block her, go NC and start healing/moving on. Whenever you think of her ask yourself where the "ME" is in this thinking. All this energy your wasting on her going around in circles. Use the energy for yourself and move on. 1
Brooke02 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I'm sure you can block her on your phone in your contacts. If she's blocked you know in your head she can't text or call you. This will get rid of your anxiety and you won't keep checking your phone to see if she's text you.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 If I block her then that means I have no chance to get back with her though. I know the no contact is to help myself heal but what if she needs me one day and I have her number blocked? I told her that if she ever gets in trouble just text me or call me because she was a sweet lovey gf Also what does it mean when she out of the blues checks up on me thru text and then IM me at work today saying I look more slim cuz she walked by me today at work and I didn't see her though. Her excuse is that she was talking to her friend on my side of the building. She obviously was checking me out right? Even though she has a new bf???
Aargh Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 I feel for you whatdoido. It's a horrible place to be where whatever action you take causes pain. I am in a similar situation where my ex has moved on. I took some relief when I met him last week and realised that he was not her type and was plainly a rebound. However that changed nothing really she is still choosing him and they are still together at night and I imagine all sorts the same way you have been. All we can do is focus on ourselves. What will be will be. Our actions now will do nothing other than push her away further and we have to give them space and time to get this new guy out of their system. We are not emotionally strong enough to deal with it either so keep yourself busy read forum after forum but whatever you do DO NOT CONTACT HER. You'll be surprised - it does get easier. And if you are truly worried about missing her if she did try to contact you - don't. She knows where u work. If she needs to see u she can darn well make the effort to find you. Stay distant and disinterested - that is the way to win her back by appearing like you don't care. And if in the process you do actually move on then all the better. I've talked this thru with two very close female friends and believe me - women don't like needy desperate men. They want strong confident And secure men. I suspect you are no feeling strong and confident now so keep away until you do. Good luck buddy.
Aargh Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Also what does it mean when she out of the blues checks up on me thru text and then IM me at work today saying I look more slim cuz she walked by me today at work and I didn't see her though. Her excuse is that she was talking to her friend on my side of the building. She obviously was checking me out right? Even though she has a new bf??? And also please please please do not start trying to read meanings into her texts or IM. I did that - I convinced myself that the text she sent me after returning from a weeknd away with the new man was her wanting to say something I wanted to hear. It wasn't. I stupidly allowed myself a bit of hope and in return I had my heart broken again. We have to let them go. We have to stop wanting something we have no control over. We have control over our actions, not theirs so control yourself! Don't contact her. Don't respond to her texts. Don't allow her into your head or heart. Keep yourself busy and find solace knowing taht you are not alone feeling this way. I think I am further along the process than you and there are set backs and hiccups but it DOES get easier.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Also what does it mean when she out of the blues checks up on me thru text and then IM me at work today saying I look more slim cuz she walked by me today at work and I didn't see her though. Her excuse is that she was talking to her friend on my side of the building. She obviously was checking me out right? Even though she has a new bf??? I mean we stayed no contact for 3 days in a row and she never bothered texting me or calling me or anything. After the 3rd day she texted me saying "how are you" and obviously i respond. We text for like 30 min back n forth and then she goes MIA for a full day and one day later she IM me at work saying i look more slim in IM CHAT. I mean it seems like she wants to continue talking to me and i feel like she is just talking to me when she feels bored or something like that. I try to keep the chat alive N then she goes on and say "DON'T WRITE BACK MY SUPERVISOR IS BEHIND ME" and then in chat at work she says "BYE". Maybe 20 minutes later i asked if she wanted to come over to pick up the rest of her stuff in chat during work but she totally ignored me. I texted her and emailed her asking why she is ignoring me. Maybe 15 minutes later in text she responds "SORRY MAYBE THIS WEEKEND". I didn't respond afterwards. I feel like she is dragging me through the mud. I really want to see this through but i know i have no chance if she continues to be dating this guy at work still. If i had to guess they have been dating for 3 weeks now and i don't know why she is dating someone who is totally opposite of me. Maybe she is trying to make me jealous?
Aargh Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 It sounds so confusing for you. My ex is also dating someone very different from me and it gave me some comfort for a while - chance that he is a rebound only and not a threat but infact it makes no difference. She is with someone else not me/us. I urge you to make a plan an stick to it. Tell yourself I won't contact or respond to her for 5 days and stick to it. It won't be easy but by day three or four it will, I promise be easier and you won't want to undo the good work and strength you have found so far. If you manage to stick to a plan it will feel good. You will have a positive in amongst the negatives and you will be the master of atleast a small part of everything that is going on. This is how I get through the endless days. Having a plan to fall back on is also very reassuring when you are wavering and feeling weak. We can't always make the best decision when we are feeling overly emotional. I messed up big time two days ago when I let my tiredness and emotions deviate me from my plan. It set me back weeks and I am feeling lost and unsure of everything once again. So dissapear from her radar. It will give u time to find strength and. Hi knows She may miss you ad seek you out even. Good luck buddy
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 i mean whats the chances that he is a rebound? And even if he is or not, i shouldn't come back to her that easily correct? I will try the 5 day NO CONTACT and go from there. Even if she text me or calls me i AM GOING TO IGNORE. This is DAY 1, lets see if i can make it through the first day
donalex Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Hi, Just read through your posts and i really feel for you buddy, but know it will get better. As long as you let it. You need to stop over thinking everything and reading into her texts. Go NC fully, that means ignore everything from her and if she asks why you are doing that simply reply "You need to some time to yourself, and you would like it if she would respect that and leave you alone". I would advise going NC for at least a month, it seems like a long time, but trust me you will feel so much better when that month is up and have such a clearer mind on the whole situation. But during that time you can't just be sat around doing nothing. You need to do stuff for yourself, "fix" yourself, by that i mean go to the gym, eat healthier, cut down on bad habits. She left the old you and if you have any hope of being with her again, you need to introduce yourself after a month of NC as a new you that she can feel attracted to again. Best of luck
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 yes 30 days seems like forever. I usually just sit around and watch football or some type of sport. When there is nothing on i get bored out of my mind and i think about her. But yes i agree that NC will probably be the best thing. It just sucks knowing she has another bf already.
Aargh Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Good luck. Stay strong brother. When you get to a whole day without contact hold onto that small feeling of control - the next day it will be easier and the day after that even easier. If she does contact you. Ignore her. I struggled with that but learn from my mistake - if she contacts you wait until the five days have passed before responding. Whatever she has to say CAN wait and the five days of you not replying will shift the power in yr direction. You have to hang onto yourself in this situation. It is too easy to lose our own sense of self value. Chin up and believe in yourself. Keep me posted.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Yay today is day number 2. She totally ignored me saturday. Obviously she probably had plans and I'm pretty much the backup if she needed to contact me. And yes I'm going to ignore if she text me or call me. Each and everyday that passes by seem like forever. I'll update on the situation when the time comes
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 blah she calls me 5 times today but i didn't pick up And then she text me this "btw i weigh 108 lbs now". When she was with me she only weigh around "100 lbs". What is that suppose to mean? Is she trying to tell me she is preg or something? I ignored both and don't planning on texting her back but i am super confused now.
Magnet Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 blah she calls me 5 times today but i didn't pick up And then she text me this "btw i weigh 108 lbs now". When she was with me she only weigh around "100 lbs". What is that suppose to mean? Is she trying to tell me she is preg or something? I ignored both and don't planning on texting her back but i am super confused now. Well done for making it into Day 2. Don't reply or pick up her calls. It will only make you feel worse. 108 lbs could mean anything just ignore it. If she is preg she would have said so! She isn't being fair on you and calling you 5 times when she is with a new bf, that isn't fair on you or her new bf?!! Start doing stuff for yourself. Have you read Cali Guy NC guide and No'Fooling NC guide? They are pinned on Breaking Up and Coping boards.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 Well done for making it into Day 2. Don't reply or pick up her calls. It will only make you feel worse. 108 lbs could mean anything just ignore it. If she is preg she would have said so! She isn't being fair on you and calling you 5 times when she is with a new bf, that isn't fair on you or her new bf?!! Start doing stuff for yourself. Have you read Cali Guy NC guide and No'Fooling NC guide? They are pinned on Breaking Up and Coping boards. Yeah right before we broke up 1 month ago we had unprotected sex so i guess my question is do u gain 5-8 lbs within the first month? I mean she told me last week she hasn't gotton it yet for over 6 weeks so i am kind of nervous too. But she went to the doctor and they said she wasn't preg as of last week. So i don't know what to assume anymore. On another note, yeah i read the NC guide and i am trying to follow that. Its just tough because we did so much together and just letting go is very depressing.
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 Omg I just broke the no contact cuz my ex gf kept texting and calling me every hour. What should I do now???? I'm so depressed cuz I gave in and I figured even if I don't answer or reply today she will IM me at work tmrow.
brownheadshark Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Omg I just broke the no contact cuz my ex gf kept texting and calling me every hour. What should I do now???? I'm so depressed cuz I gave in and I figured even if I don't answer or reply today she will IM me at work tmrow. Restart and this time make sure to not reply even if she talks to you at work don't even look like you're interested by what she's saying
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Posted October 6, 2014 so i guess she wanted to ask me if she can come over to pick up the rest of her stuff. I ignored her all day yesterday until i finally gave up and texted her back around 9 pm. She sounded pissed because she said i was avoiding her. Now i feel like **** because maybe she wanted to come over and talk as well? IDK i think i made a bad judgement call N not picking up her call when she needed me. Now she is implying that she doesn't want the rest of her stuff and to throw it away or just keep it. I mean i haven't seen this girl for like 3 weeks now and she never wants to meet up. I think yesterday was my only chance and i kind of let it go. Now i feel like **** and i am not sure if i even have a chance to get her back anymore.
Recommended Posts