LME Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I always tend to just avoid dates and not put myself out there because I get so anxious when I am first seeing someone new I am good and playing it cool and not appearing overly eager but in my head I want to ****ing explode at all times I've been on 4 dates w a new guy and everything has been normal but we haven't talked since Tuesday (I initiated contact) and he hasn't tried to make plans w me or anything (he initiated first 3 dates, I did 4th) All I can thjnk about is AM I GONNA HEAR FRKM HIM AGAIN???!! Why hasn't he contacted me??? I know it's only been two days and I am being ridiculous but this always happens to me and it's why I avoid dating. I cannnnnot handle the anxiety it causes me Is anyone else like this?
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 If you don't hear from him then there's nothing there. Guys, typical and ordinary, are not like girls, they don't play games. What often happens is they come on too strong for your liking, so strong you'd think he's playa or fake. If you are not getting that then he's not interested or he's a real playa. Since he wanted 3 dates with you, then I would say you held some attraction for him. He stopped could be that he felt you weren't responding to him. Typically, a guy need an intimate connection for him to continue. If he sees that as not possible or you seem reluctant, he isn't going to continue to spend his money or time. For the less experienced, he may not know how to ask for what he wants.
Spaart Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 HAHA, I have the exact same problem that's why I remained single and just go mess around and have no feelings for any girls. However recently I met this beautiful girl and I just fell for her, even though I tried to hold back but its too hard and all I can think about in my head is her why hasn't she texted back, is he talking to others, is she banging other dudes lmfao, yea I think too damn much. What some people told me was that this is normal, and just accept it. What I wana know is how can I be cold hearted... because I really really hate this feeling of anxiety.
Author LME Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 I mean after the third date he texted me the day after telling me he has fun and asking how my face was because he face me a minor beard burn haha ugh sensitive skin So that same convo I followed up we should check out this hiking trail he was talking about so he said he'd give me a call Saturday morning and he did and we went and it was normal!
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Then it looks like you are too impatient. He could just be busy and don't yet know when he's free next. Obviously your need for communication is far greater than his. Your should keep that in mind, or your imagination is going to run riot.
HereAndThenGone Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I always tend to just avoid dates and not put myself out there because I get so anxious when I am first seeing someone new I am good and playing it cool and not appearing overly eager but in my head I want to ****ing explode at all times I've been on 4 dates w a new guy and everything has been normal but we haven't talked since Tuesday (I initiated contact) and he hasn't tried to make plans w me or anything (he initiated first 3 dates, I did 4th) All I can thjnk about is AM I GONNA HEAR FRKM HIM AGAIN???!! Why hasn't he contacted me??? I know it's only been two days and I am being ridiculous but this always happens to me and it's why I avoid dating. I cannnnnot handle the anxiety it causes me Is anyone else like this? I feel like we are the same person. I just posted something similar a few hours ago. Except it's been 4 days since we've spoke and he's leaving to go on tour in less than a week. He asked me to go hiking with him the last time we hung out. I went on a trip and he didn't text me at all. I texted him once during the trip and he took hours to respond and I've been back since Monday and I haven't heard anything. I feel the same way you do. If you figure out the answer...let me know.
Author LME Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) Then it looks like you are too impatient. He could just be busy and don't yet know when he's free next. Obviously your need for communication is far greater than his. Your should keep that in mind, or your imagination is going to run riot. It is 100% impatience. I am the most impatient person ever and I hate not knowing things ugh horrible personality trait I work the next 8 days in a row so it will be a good distraction Edited October 3, 2014 by LME
LoneIsland Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) His communication will increase as the intimacy increases. If his natural need for communication is less than yours, then it will always be like this. You will just have to accept him as he is and make allowances for it. Edited October 3, 2014 by LoneIsland
Author LME Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 You are right. I am only like this at the very beginning of relationships thankfully. We will see how it progresses. I've had a great time w him so far so I feel like that's why I am extra anxious
Mrin Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 His communication will increase as the intimacy increases. If his natural need for communication is less than yours, then it will always be like this. You will just have to accept him as he is and make allowances for it. There is a lot of truth here. I know for me I reach this critical mass moment. If there is intimacy then a connection is forged. If not, then the relationship or lack thereof, just starts to die off. Here's the funny thing - for me it isn't about the sex. Sex is readily available once you've cultivated a few FWB's. It is really about the intimacy and connection.
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Everybody gets a little anxious in the beginning. The new person is an unknown quantity. You are trying to strike the right balance between showing interest but not coming off a clingy / needy. The fact that we all have access to all sorts of instant communications devices makes it worse. The trick is not to let it overwhelm you. Know your own value & what you are willing to put up with. In the beginning I was OK with 48 - 72 hours between contacts. Daily communication actually freaked me out & if a guy pressed me for multiple contacts in one day, I ended it because it was too much too soon for me. Figure out where your comfort zone / sweet spot is. Act accordingly. Be confident & own your own choices. Have a BFF to talk to when you are freaking / anxious. Having 2 so you can spread out your insecurities, will help. After my 1st date with the man who is now my husband, I called one of my dear friends & insisted she go away with me for the weekend so I would be forced to put space in the relationship. I don't remember doing it but after we got engaged, that friend told me I wouldn't shut up about DH. Still it kept me from calling, texting, or e-mailing. There was no FB then. lol
Author LME Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Thanks everyone I'm just trying to keep my cool and if I don't hear from him within next few days I'll cut my losses
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