Getting Over Someone By Thinking About Their Faults

[Darren2013]

I was reading an article online the other day about certain strategies that might help speed up the process of getting over an ex lover.

 

I think the same methods can be applied to getting over a crush too. In some ways I feel like I have gone through a breakup with my crush before anything even got started but that's because we are not talking as much as we used to.

 

Anyway one of the things the article mentioned for helping you get over someone whether an ex or a crush is to focus on their faults. Everybody has faults. Sometimes it is hard to find those faults and for a long time it has been hard for me to find fault with my crush.

 

The only fault I can find with her is that she is a little bossy. I recall another poster on here making mention to me about that. She is bossy and really too nosy wanting to keep track of every detail of what I am doing when I am not at work or why I wasn't at work on a certain day, etc.

 

She is a little bossy when it comes to what I eat or drink. She always gives me a hard time when she sees me drinking a diet soda and tells me about how it isn't good for me because of the aspartame chemicals. She is one of those who believes it will feed my cancer.

 

So it really hit me. Why is she so concerned about what I eat or drink when we are just colleagues and we don't even live together and we are not dating? She smokes cigarettes but I don't tell her that she should stop that because it isn't good for her. That's none of my business. It is her body. Besides she probably already knows smoking is bad for her as most smokers do but they are hooked. Well it is the same with my diet soda consumption. I am hooked on the aspartame. I don't know if it feeds my cancer or not but it is my body and if I want to risk killing myself with aspartame consumption then that's my business.

 

So I kind of got annoyed with her telling me I should drink more water and less diet soda. So that's a fault I try to keep in mind that may help me get over her faster. If she is this bossy and overly focused on what I am doing that has no effect on her whatsoever when we haven't even started dating then it is not too far fetched for me to be concerned about what it will be like if we did start dating. All those bossy traits would be magnified.

 

So it could very well be a blessing in disguise after-all that nothing develops from this crush. At least I get to keep my freedom to eat and drink what I want.

 

Part of the reason I relocated where I eat my lunch is so I don't run into her and I can enjoy a diet cola without hearing a mini lecture from her. She is not my doctor.

Edited October 2, 2014 by Darren2013

[Gloria25]

Ok, I'm confused here...

 

You and your crush are not talking as much, but did you ever think that this is happening cuz you're distancing yourself from her? (i.e. going somewhere else to eat lunch, not running errands for her)

 

In other words, are you looking for reasons to forget her (i.e. focusing on her "faults") out of fear that she is not that into you - yet YOU'VE been the one doing things to distance yourself from her?

 

BTW, how does she approach you about the soda and other things you find "bossy"? Sometimes it's all about the person's approach and your perception of their approach.

 

Example, I keep a variety of beer in the fridge...My mom, the other day had the nerve to ask me IN MY HOUSE if 'I am gonna drink all that beer' - when she darn well knows that same way I keep a variety of soda in the fridge and I keep beer the same way - cuz I like variety, especially if I have guests I can offer them this or that...shoot, the variety is also there for her since she drinks Sprite. But, I know my resentment towards her not being a great mom is why I took her comments with hostility when she probably is just concerned about me turning up the music loud and getting all jumpy when I have a drink or two.

 

In other words, probably your crush means no harm - but you're so adamant about finding reasons to dislike her that your perception of her concern about you is "bossy".

[amaysngrace]

Yea I think it's a perfect strategy. Too often we put people on a pedestal and much of the time it's to our own detriment. We deplete our own self-worth to make them seem more worthy.

 

Realizing that they aren't deserving helps to get you more focused on realizing the very ways that you are.

 

And your yang-yin is balanced once again.