chados Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 so her last relationship was really bad. he treated her bad and she always thought he cheated on her which she did, cause she ended up with hpv which if you dont know is an std that often doesnt show any signs. she didnt know this before weve dated for two years. hpv can cause cancer in the cervix which is really rare but when she got to know about this it made her scared of close contact, and i mean hugging , kissing etc. shes basically been afraid that she could pass it over to others by using the same glass etc. this started when she was going to get birthcontrol which doesnt work on her at all. she gets very bad moodswings, both angry and sad. i understood in a way what it was but since i never got an answer because she got defensive, i started to think that i was the problem. this has been going on for a while now and it just makes it really hard for me to handle. woman do you recognize yourself?, what do you expect from us? men how did you handle the situation?
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Take the easy route and find new gf ? Do you really want to catch what she's got ? Her problem is probably going to be life long.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) Take the easy route and find new gf ? Do you really want to catch what she's got ? im pretty sure i already got it. and why would you leave someone after 3 years for getting the most common std in the whole us?. if she gave me aids it would be different. this is less dangerous to me then driving a car. and i think if she has a problem me as her partner should help her out with that problem. running away from helping people will never make me successful with a relationship. Edited October 2, 2014 by chados
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 So her "physical contact" problem is with other people and not with you ? If that's the case, you can help by not getting in situations where she has to contact others.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 So her "physical contact" problem is with other people and not with you ? If that's the case, you can help by not getting in situations where she has to contact others. no its with everyone. and shes not getting crazy. just a little scared that she might pass it over. shes having anxiety about it to become dangerous which is extremly rare but i can understand it. and yeah it doesnt transmit by being around people.
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Since you already have it, why is she having the same problem with you ? She can't give more of it to you than you already have.
Emilia Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) Human papillomavirus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia It's not an STD, it's a group of viruses that sexually active people have in their bodies from time to time. They come and go like all viruses though. Some strains can cause cervical cancer, that's what smear test screening is for. So perhaps the two of you should educate yourselves and base conversations and decisions on that? And to answer your question: no I don't 'recognise myself' because I know what it actually is Edited October 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Since you already have it, why is she having the same problem with you ? She can't give more of it to you than you already have. well she knows this but the thing is that it can infect other parts of the body. unoticable infections and stuff like that. and its not like she doesnt touch me at all. she just talks about this a lot. and not every day. it comes and goes and im trying to make her stop worrying but i think that it has a lot to do with other things too. like the birth control and how her body reacted. everything started at the same time basically, and it was to much to handle
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Maybe time will dull her worry. Maybe her fears are greater than they should be. Take her to a doctor and pay the doctor to explain to her the real risks in great detail, so that her imagination have less reason to run riot as it does now.
JamesM Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I think her fears are greater than her risks. HPV as you noted is relatively common, and MOST types do not cause cancer and most types go away on their own. Having said that, what caught my attention is how you said your gf has "mental problems." I think it is better phrased that she has anxiety over the past relationship and the fears of her STD. Mental problems would mean that if those two hings were resolved, then she would still have the mental issues. If I read correctly, then she needs someone to help her get past those issues so that she can move on and have a healthy life. My question is: Are you the one to help her tackle these issues or are you somebody that may be better off moving on? If it were my GF, then I would suggest that she get counseling and if she hasn't then discuss the STD with a doctor. A little research on the internet at some reputable sites would also alleviate some of her fears. I think the STD is being used as an excuse to ignore the real issues that are keeping her from getting close to you. This is where counseling is important. Good luck. If you she is worth it, then you will find a way to help her. If not, then move on.
Emilia Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I've made a post earlier with a link to what HPV actually is, it's not an STD! As the post contains a link with some information (as opposed to hearsay), it's going through moderation. Hope it will help.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Im not native English speaker so excuse my chose of words. I am trying to help her but the question is always. Could I have done more? I know that this is the main problem and that maybe my actions didn't help for the better. I'm trying to work on it. I realized that it made me insecure from time to time. I think I need to be strong and not let my emotions control how I handle this
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 I've made a post earlier with a link to what HPV actually is, it's not an STD! As the post contains a link with some information (as opposed to hearsay), it's going through moderation. Hope it will help. Well not matter what it is. It is normally caused by sex. But yes I've heard how t can be considered something else
Emilia Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Well not matter what it is. It is normally caused by sex. But yes I've heard how t can be considered something else How can you make a rational decision if you don't know what it is?
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 How can you make a rational decision if you don't know what it is? well its really not rational. wether hpv is an std or the effects coming from hpv is i dont know. but it is considered a sexual transfered virus. Of the STDs studied, genital HPV was the most commonly acquired.[163] In the United States.
Emilia Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 well its really not rational. wether hpv is an std or the effects coming from hpv is i dont know. but it is considered a sexual transfered virus. Of the STDs studied, genital HPV was the most commonly acquired.[163] In the United States. HPV is a virus (Human Papilloma Virus) that occurs in every sexually active person's body. There are about 100 different strains, most of these come and go in the body like thousands of other viruses do. The fact that she had them in her body means nothing, it's probably not there anymore. Some strains (1 or 2 I can't remember) CAN cause cervical cancer and that's why smear tests for women exist (I think they might be called PAP tests in the US). It is not STD, cervical cancer isn't an STD. It can be also treated if it is discovered early enough due to regular screening. See why being rational and educated are important things as opposed to running around like a headless chicken? And to answer your question: no, the way your girlfriend reacts isn't how women who read up on things react. Jesus. 1
mightycpa Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 men how did you handle the situation? New GF. Her overreaction to past events is not your responsibility to fix. Making a project of somebody does not make for a good love relationship; you'd probably fix her for the next guy to come along. New GF.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 HPV is a virus (Human Papilloma Virus) that occurs in every sexually active person's body. There are about 100 different strains, most of these come and go in the body like thousands of other viruses do. The fact that she had them in her body means nothing, it's probably not there anymore. it can take years for the body to remove it. and there is no cure. Some strains (1 or 2 I can't remember) CAN cause cervical cancer and that's why smear tests for women exist (I think they might be called PAP tests in the US). its more like 10-15 that they know can cause cellchanges which can cause cancer. It is not STD, cervical cancer isn't an STD. It can be also treated if it is discovered early enough due to regular screening. never said cervical cancer was an std. i said hpv can cause cancer but its rare. See why being rational and educated are important things as opposed to running around like a headless chicken? no i dont. hpv is considered an std when it affects genital areas by having sex. And to answer your question: no, the way your girlfriend reacts isn't how women who read up on things react. Jesus. thats how she reacted to it. she got scared because of the cancer thing. and a person in her family had cervical cancer so that might have been making it worse too.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 New GF. Her overreaction to past events is not your responsibility to fix. Making a project of somebody does not make for a good love relationship; you'd probably fix her for the next guy to come along. New GF. its not about fixing. its about helping someone get pass anxiety that happens to everyone.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 let me correct that. hpv is considered an sti. sexual transmitted infection.
mightycpa Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 its not about fixing. its about helping someone get pass anxiety that happens to everyone.No. What you've described is irrational overreaction and uncontrolled emotional moodswings, not anxiety. Think about it. It is bad enough that you've come to a board to ask perfect strangers with no in-depth knowledge of the situation for advice on how to cope with her problem. You can't help her, you're not qualified. All you can do is sign up to go along on the ride until your ticket expires. The other thing that you might want to consider is that you've only experienced her reaction to THIS. Something else might happen that sends her over another edge, where she'll react similarly for entirely different reasons. That's not out of the question. It would be one thing if you were married, in sickness and health and all that. But at some point, you have to ask yourself what you want out of life. Anyway, you asked. That's what I would do to "handle the situation."
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 its not about fixing. its about helping someone get pass anxiety that happens to everyone. Sometimes, the pleasure of receiving care far out weights the pleasure of getting better. Are you sure you don't have something like this on your hands ?
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Sometimes, the pleasure of receiving care far out weights the pleasure of getting better. Are you sure you don't have something like this on your hands ? you mean if she feels that she needs to be taken care of more then to get healed?. if thats the question then yes.
Author chados Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 No. What you've described is irrational overreaction and uncontrolled emotional moodswings, not anxiety. Think about it. It is bad enough that you've come to a board to ask perfect strangers with no in-depth knowledge of the situation for advice on how to cope with her problem. You can't help her, you're not qualified. All you can do is sign up to go along on the ride until your ticket expires. The other thing that you might want to consider is that you've only experienced her reaction to THIS. Something else might happen that sends her over another edge, where she'll react similarly for entirely different reasons. That's not out of the question. It would be one thing if you were married, in sickness and health and all that. But at some point, you have to ask yourself what you want out of life. Anyway, you asked. That's what I would do to "handle the situation." well i think that we all react differently. shes been genuinly scared about this. and if i told you everything you would understand. 99%of the people on this site are here because at one point they needed advice. i dont think its bad to ask strangers. its hard to find friends thats been through this too.
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 you mean if she feels that she needs to be taken care of more then to get healed?. if thats the question then yes. Then, where is the problem ? You can keep feeding her the pleasure.
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