Jump to content

Have you ever reached the 'friendly' stage with someone who dumped you

Ordinaryday

By Ordinaryday
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

and broke your heart??

 

I know it is VERY RARE for people to be true friends with their dumper (I have seen many threads on this site saying the same thing) but I have several friends who have told me they are on 'good terms' with their dumper.

 

by that I mean they have them on facebook as a friend, they exchange emails every now and then and make three minutes of small talk if they bump into each other at the store.

 

I told them I could never do this and a few said I was holding grudges which wasnt good, that I should 'just move on' and be nice.

 

I think that 'moving on' means simply removing the dumper from my life and not speaking to them anymore. that is how I see 'moving on' but apparently lots of people stay in vague contact with the dumper, not as friends but just courteous casual stuff.

 

I could never do this, I could see it backfiring and me being really mean to them or reopening old wounds or something. better to just leave the past in the past is how I see it.

 

has anyone here ever became friendly with the person who dumped them and broke your heart? do you regret it? did it backfire on you?

evanescentworld Established Member

evanescentworld

Posted
Posted

It really doesn't matter what other people do, or why. You will get as big and varied a cross-section here as anywhere else.

 

However, please do not let ANYONE convince you that what you're doing is wrong, holding a grudge, being resentful, or vindictive.

 

Do what you feel is necessary for your own progress and well-being.

Let others deal with their own lives in ways that work for them.

 

You stick with doing what works for you. :)

  • Like 4
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Twenty plus years after the fact, my EX from grad school & I routinely bump into each other about once every 1-2 months as a result of certain recurring job obligations. We have a pleasant 5 minute chat. He gave me a brief platonic hug -- sort of a there, there pat on the back -- the 1st time he saw me after my father died. In the course of the last last 3 years we sent each other 2-3 work related e-mails & he paid me to do a small project for his company. (I discussed it with DH before I undertook the assignment). I wouldn't classify us as friends but we can interact civilly.

lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

Posted
Posted

Yes! :)

 

I had a woman that broke my heart. She was unfair, dishonest, played with my heart a lot a eventually kicked me out not in a nice way.

 

After about 6-7 years we accidentally bumped into each other in the street, start talking and we are good friends now. She is divorced and tell me all about her lovers, but i don't mind.

 

I also a good friend with lets say 3-4 Ex's which i ended it. They have no problem to be friends with me.

Mittens Established Member

Mittens

Posted
Posted

Yes. With a guy who broke my heart into a million pieces when he dumped me. In fact, he broke it more than once, as he kept coming back (I stupidly let him).

 

However it took a good 3 years to get to friendly after that. There was no contact for 6 months, and then we didn't actually see each other for another 2 years. We are friendly now, but it's very occasional contact, a text every 3 months or so, Facebook friends type of friendly. Not seen him in nearly 2 years...

 

Obviously both sides have to want to be friendly. I have a couple of exes (including a ex husband) that I just didn't want to have any contact with ever again.

 

Personally, I find too many people feel that they HAVE to be 'friends' with their exes. The rise of the internet and social media has a lot to do with it, of course.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Personally, I find too many people feel that they HAVE to be 'friends' with their exes. The rise of the internet and social media has a lot to do with it, of course.

 

 

I never understood that. I don't want to be Friends with my EXs. I do want to be civil with them -- able to say hello & chat politely for 5-10 minutes if I bump into them, inquire about your family etc. I don't do the screaming in public drama but I have no desire to have a front row seat to a life that no longer travels with mine, especially if I thought at any point that happily ever after could have been a possibility.

  • Like 3
nerd Established Member

nerd

Posted
Posted

I don't stop and chat with random strangers. I don't chat with exes, who broke up with me, thereby treating me worse than any random stranger ever did.

  • Like 1
BikerAccnt Established Member

BikerAccnt

Posted
Posted

The only Ex I am friendly with is the woman I lived with for 7 years. When we split, the relationship had been over for quite some time. We were basically roommates.

 

 

We email every couple of weeks, and I see her a few times a year. (She still has dogs we raised in common). Other than her no, I have no real interest in remaining friends with an Ex.

 

 

Concerning my most recent breakup, when she suggested leaving the door open for a possible return, or a friendship, I flat out told her I don't want to be her friend. And I don't. I wanted to be more.

 

 

I'm with Donnivan, I certainly hold her no ill will, and I will be CIVIL with any ex should I run into them, but, I don't want to be their friend.

  • Like 1
Lalocket Member

Lalocket

Posted
Posted

yes. 6 years later on though after he dumped me. we got on so well and have so many similar interests that we got speaking again & now we speak about our current love interests (we are both single) and who we are dating. it's rare but it happens and it's purely platonic.

blackcat777 Established Member

blackcat777

Posted
Posted

I always thought I was "good friends" with a guy I dumped (regretted it for YEARS)... but this whole me recently being dumped thing makes me question the humanity of that entirely. :\

 

We have always been civil, asked each other for advice with things over the years. Once he bailed me out of a terrible situation, which involved letting me crash at his place for a night and loaning me a considerable amount of money (long story)--and instead of gloating about how my life had fallen apart at that point, he just took care of me, no questions asked. I would still do the same for him--but the difference is, I know he's not dumb enough to get himself in those kinds of situations (I told him that).

 

We always ended up in contact (there were years of NC), because we both grew and changed so much during our relationship that there will always be a respect for the evolution we shared.

 

At least, that's what I said, but now the recent horrible feelings of me being dumped do make me question if that was the best thing to do (probably not?).

 

Live and learn...

coralsmith Established Member

coralsmith

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think it depends on the breakup and how parties act afterwards, that determine how/what can be salvaged.

 

I am on good terms with an ex, even friendly.

 

I broke up with him several years ago after 2 years together. As we shared a tight knit friendship group, it was virtually impossible to go NC.

 

It was a pretty huge disaster. He just completely lost it. While I didn't behave perfectly, I was usually able to show compassion and forgive him a lot. I guess it came down to empathising with him - even when I had to consider a restraining order (yes, seriously), I understood he was acting out of pain and emotion - this wasn't the real him.

 

He is now seeing a girl and I'm happy for him. We exchange friendly texts now and then.

 

But I think if I ever really pushed it, he would want to get back together with me. So unfortunately we are friendly but we have to keep each other at arms length.

 

In theory, I like the idea of keeping the people I have been close to, nearby on some level.

 

My most recent ex dumped me. I handled the breakup better than him I think (he is not very mature). I offered a form of friendship to him and he didn't want it, he would get jealous when I dated someone new etc.

 

It takes a huge amount of maturity, forgiveness and understanding. Plus a lot of love, to be friends with an ex I think (from both parties).

 

Unfortunately it is rare for both parties to possess all of these, and in sufficient quantity.

Edited by coralsmith
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted

By "exes" I presume you refer to someone you were in a relationship with for several years? If so, yes, I'm on friendly terms with them.

 

Not that we all speak to one another often but the times we have had been friendly/no hard feelings. These are from years ago though.

 

I have one on Social Media and I "like" :bunny: his pictures with him and his wife (was in a relationship back in High School though). :laugh::p

 

People I have dated short term, then no.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...