lukemortt Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I have been dating this girl for about 2 1/2 months now. She has said she is not an affectionate person but one dya I told her she was yesterday she texted me saying "one day you said i was affectionate, that bothered me until now. I decided to get over it" I asked "why is that such a big deal" she said "im not affectionate most of the time, i usually resist it. its a sign of vulnerabiity and that im letting you get close, maybe to close" im totally confused by what shes saying i know afetr she graduates college in january she might find a job out of state(you never know) and she has said she has wanted to take it slow what is she meaning?
Winterina Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) she seems to want attention by making herself look closed off and mysterious. as such, she seems very immature. i am sure you were right about her affection level. she is trying to get you to try hard and is playing hard to get or just playing games. you might be fostering her behavior by paying attention to things like this. sounds like a possibility? Edited October 2, 2014 by Winterina adding 1
evanescentworld Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 She means she withholds affection because she fears rejection and relationship failure. If you love someone and show it, you risk pain. She has put up enormous barriers. I think she is terribly wrong to be dating at all, with that attitude. Don't take what she said, personally. If it wasn't you, it would be some other poor guy. I think she needs therapy, because while she's happy to have some guy in her life, she's not committed to a reciprocal relationship. That's very unfair on you, or any guy who may follow, because you are going to get tired of being the guy who gives but gets back nothing. 2
Diezel Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I would dump her in a heartbeat. Or even before that. She sounds emotionally closed off and is likely going to take forever, if at all, to open up. If you like your women cold and mysterious and with huge walls around them, this one is for you then. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 To her being affectionate is a sign of weakness. She's terrified that if she lets you in you will hurt her. In a limited sense (this is an analogy) treat her like a scared dog. Sit still. Let her come to you. Stop pushing the issue. Or you can confront her, scare her off & ruin everything.
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 Tell her you have lots of affection for her, and that because she can't return your affection, now you are not sure about her. Tell her you need some time to get over it. Totally go cold on her. When she gets in contact, tell her you miss her badly. But stay cold and not contact her.
Haerts Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 She's either not very interested or like the other posters said, she's scared of showing her emotions and being hurt. I suggest you to slowly show her that you're there for her and she can open up. It's hard though, I'm kinda going through the same situation, but he's a bit more open than that - he said that he doesn't want to show his fears or be too close because that's a weakness and he shall not show weakness to anyone. ¬¬
mightycpa Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 She's a scalded dog who is afraid to get close to the fire. Her mindset is one of mistrust and cowardice. She is mildly projecting this mistrust onto you which is also a form of denial. That's what she needs to get over. Herself. Do her a favor. When you leave her, tell her that it was her decision to be closed off that pushed you away, and that her attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Author lukemortt Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 UPDATE--She ende dup saying that shes going to show more affection. shes ot going to hold back
mightycpa Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 UPDATE--She ende dup saying that shes going to show more affection. shes ot going to hold backGood for her! You must bring out the best in her. For her sake, I hope to hell you don't dump her while she's working on that.
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 UPDATE--She ende dup saying that shes going to show more affection. shes ot going to hold back How did you convince her ?
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 UPDATE--She ende dup saying that shes going to show more affection. shes ot going to hold back Well that is progress but you still can't push. If it's going to work you have to let her incorporate these changes in her own time.
Crila16 Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 She's immature and attention needy. It's a game. She's trying to act like she's in control and maybe falling out of control and vulnerable, like you're the first man who was able to bring my guard down. Either way...it's a game.
Author lukemortt Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 How did you convince her ? she said she needed to open up and give people chances//live life
Author lukemortt Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 she said she needed to open up and give people chances//live life i have no doubt she does like me
Author lukemortt Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 im staying with ehr ..shes an independent girl
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