islander3788 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Hey everybody, I'm tony, new to the forum, hoping u can take a second to post your advice it will be greatly appreciated... Started dating this girl 4 months ago... im 26 and shes 24... great relationship heres some key facts: -A month into the relationship she told me she loves me -shortly after she started talking about us getting married -had sex in the 3rd month but wasnt good cuz i was wayyy too fast (my only problem she knew i was working on) -introduced me to her family and they love me About a month ago she went away for her last semester at college... we both agreed to give long distance a shot because we see a future together... we talked every night on the phone and everything seemed fine... two weeks in and she was telling me how shes stressed probably because she wanted to join the airforce and that recently fell through so shes uncertain about her future... she also occasionally asked if i was cheating and of course i wasnt... she has some insecurity issues... then she started acting weird on the phone and i got the vibe that she didnt want to continue the relationship (only a few days after she sent me $300 clothes and a birthday card telling me how much she loves me) I facetimed her the following day and asked how she feels about us now that we are like 3 weeks into the long distance relationship... she kept saying "i dont know and i dont know what i want... im not a good girlfriend...at one point she said i dont look at the relationship with as much love and care as you do... that was a red flag to me so i said listen if ur not committed to making this work then we should end it... she said idk can i have time to think about it... i said no if u need time then forget it we are done... then she said fine bye and ended the facetime... A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)... she replied good for you happy for you leave me alone... i asked hows shes doing i still really care about you... she says good... a week later i text again and say i think the breakup was for the best and it would be a shame to throw away a great friendship... she said okay... i said id be lying ifi said i didnt miss u though i went out w 2 girls last weekend and it just wasnt tthe same as with u it sucked lol... she replies im busy right now doin homework i cant talk sorry... i said okay im going to sleep anyway got a big meeting in the morning to buy a store for my new cell phone business... she said okay goodnight Its been almost 2 weeks of no contact since that text... what should i do? I really like this girl and shes the best girlfriend i ever had and i could see myself settling down with her... should i contact her again or let her contact me? What is she probably thinking? Please give me your advice.... Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Hey everybody, I'm tony, new to the forum, hoping u can take a second to post your advice it will be greatly appreciated... Started dating this girl 4 months ago... im 26 and shes 24... great relationship heres some key facts: -A month into the relationship she told me she loves me -shortly after she started talking about us getting married -had sex in the 3rd month but wasnt good cuz i was wayyy too fast (my only problem she knew i was working on) -introduced me to her family and they love me About a month ago she went away for her last semester at college... we both agreed to give long distance a shot because we see a future together... we talked every night on the phone and everything seemed fine... two weeks in and she was telling me how shes stressed probably because she wanted to join the airforce and that recently fell through so shes uncertain about her future... she also occasionally asked if i was cheating and of course i wasnt... she has some insecurity issues... then she started acting weird on the phone and i got the vibe that she didnt want to continue the relationship (only a few days after she sent me $300 clothes and a birthday card telling me how much she loves me) I facetimed her the following day and asked how she feels about us now that we are like 3 weeks into the long distance relationship... she kept saying "i dont know and i dont know what i want... im not a good girlfriend...at one point she said i dont look at the relationship with as much love and care as you do... that was a red flag to me so i said listen if ur not committed to making this work then we should end it... she said idk can i have time to think about it... i said no if u need time then forget it we are done... then she said fine bye and ended the facetime... A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)... she replied good for you happy for you leave me alone... i asked hows shes doing i still really care about you... she says good... a week later i text again and say i think the breakup was for the best and it would be a shame to throw away a great friendship... she said okay... i said id be lying ifi said i didnt miss u though i went out w 2 girls last weekend and it just wasnt tthe same as with u it sucked lol... she replies im busy right now doin homework i cant talk sorry... i said okay im going to sleep anyway got a big meeting in the morning to buy a store for my new cell phone business... she said okay goodnight Its been almost 2 weeks of no contact since that text... what should i do? I really like this girl and shes the best girlfriend i ever had and i could see myself settling down with her... should i contact her again or let her contact me? What is she probably thinking? Please give me your advice.... Doesn't care as much as you do? Just find another girl, I know it's very hard but why would you want someone who doesn't give 50% back? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Why on earth would you send a woman you claim to love a text you received from another woman praising your sexual skills? In the face of that lapse in judgment alone, I'd never consider taking you back. LDRs don't work when one person is in college. There is too much fun to be had right there. Let her go. Perhaps after she graduates, when she comes home & you can have a more conventional relationship you can try again but see my 1st paragraph. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Why on earth would you send a woman you claim to love a text you received from another woman praising your sexual skills? In the face of that lapse in judgment alone, I'd never consider taking you back. LDRs don't work when one person is in college. There is too much fun to be had right there. Let her go. Perhaps after she graduates, when she comes home & you can have a more conventional relationship you can try again but see my 1st paragraph. Huge. whole-hearted 2nd!! What on god's green earth were you thinking, OP?! Horrible move. Consider the relationship totally over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Wow, no idea if you are joking or not, but this is just cringe worthy, really awful and stunningly poor taste, also a really pathetic way to try and make someone jealous, like something from a dark comedy sketch. What in the hell did you expect her to say to that text?! If you wanted to turn her off you completely you did a great job of it, well done. A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)... she replied good for you happy for you leave me alone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author islander3788 Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Should i apologize to her now i was thinking a text saying something like "just wanted to say im sorry if i hurt ur feelings with that text about having sex with that girl i just thought if we were gona get back together u should know our sex will be better bevause i can finally last longer" Which is true... the reason i told her is because the only problem in our relationship was the sex not being good Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Honestly you pretty much sealed your fate with what you said to her. I would be so, so turned off I would be wondering what in the world I ever saw in you in the first place. You may as well realize that it's over and she is never coming back. How childish. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 You know, you sound a lot younger than your years.... I think the clue was in the "Leave me alone" response you got. Yup. I'd pay attention to that, were I you..... What you did was insulting, crass, rude, unwarranted and completely and utterly unacceptable. She will never forgive you and I'm sorry to say it, but if she ever does, she's a fool. Leave her alone, do some growing up and behave yourself. Treat ladies like ladies, not notches on the bedpost.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Should i apologize to her now i was thinking a text saying something like "just wanted to say im sorry if i hurt ur feelings with that text about having sex with that girl i just thought if we were gona get back together u should know our sex will be better bevause i can finally last longer" Which is true... the reason i told her is because the only problem in our relationship was the sex not being good No, no for Gods sake NO. Just leave her alone. Everytime you write something it makes it worse. Just stop before she thinks you are looney. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 No do not send that apology. You blew it & there is no fixing it. The best apology you could offer but shouldn't would be I'm sorry I'm an insensitive jerk. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Now I have read everything on this site. OP, wow. Just wow. No one ever taught you about flowers and chocolate? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I'll give you the benefit of the doubt in case you are genuinely naive.. Did you really think it would be ok to tell her this >A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)...< You say you were telling her this as sex was the only problem in the r/ship, but you mentioned the word jealousy, so you must have known she might be jealous?! But actually, maybe she was annoyed more than jealous as you were being so insensitive. I think the biggest problem in the r/ship was that she said her feelings weren't as strong as yours, and I doubt that's anything to do with what the sex was like. You could apologise if you are genuinely sorry, and want her to know you were out of order and regret it, but if you're apologising to try and get her back then please don't, just leave her alone. Please learn from this, learn to be more sensitive towards others, to think before you do or say things if it's something which is likely to hurt someone. Should i apologize to her now i was thinking a text saying something like "just wanted to say im sorry if i hurt ur feelings with that text about having sex with that girl i just thought if we were gona get back together u should know our sex will be better bevause i can finally last longer" Which is true... the reason i told her is because the only problem in our relationship was the sex not being good 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Wow. Texting her that you had sex with someone else is just about the lowest, cruelest thing you could do to a girl who was nothing but nice to you. I feel so bad for her. Leave her alone, that's what she asked you to do. She deserves better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Not to mention she's probably not gonna want you now that your penis has been in some other vagina. I remember when I got cheated on, I was so physically disgusted at the thought of them with someone else, I did not want them anymore. Gross. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) Why on earth would you send a woman you claim to love a text you received from another woman praising your sexual skills? You've taken the words right out of my mouth. http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131217081420/cardfight/images/thumb/8/8a/Triple_facepalm.png/1280px-Triple_facepalm.png (she) -introduced me to her family and they love me This is so bad, man. i got the vibe that she didnt want to continue the relationship (only a few days after she sent me $300 clothes and a birthday card telling me how much she loves me) Sure, it makes sense. she said ... can i have time to think about it... i said no if u need time then forget it we are done... then she said fine bye and ended the facetime... You prompted the breakup after she asked you to give her time, because she was unsure on what to do. She probably thought long & hard about the future, things that were not going the way she would have hoped for and having a hard time with it, and you were demanding. Because a boyfriend has needs. She felt inadequate and with all those things on her mind, probably she felt or realized she was not putting 100% into the relationship, but seeing you wanted that from her. You gave her an ultimatum and had your breakup. If you really cared about this girl, your behavior would have been different. A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! ... i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great Breaking up with her was not enough. After a week of NC, you had to be back in her life with this lousy piece of information. Idiotic move. i asked hows shes doing i still really care about you I think she realized she got everything wrong, you were not that madly in love with her or loving her to bits, because in less than a week you were in some other girl's pants. Always remember: actions speak louder than words. So after that, you could have said you would have died for her, it would have meant less that a burp from a turkey to her. Which means: zero. I think she was even nice replying to your texts, she could have just ignored you completely and cut you off for good. Its been almost 2 weeks of no contact since that text... what should i do? Take a good manners class for the next couple semesters and see how it goes. I really like this girl and shes the best girlfriend i ever had and i could see myself settling down with her... should i contact her again or let her contact me? What is she probably thinking? Please give me your advice.... She's thinking how could you be so mean to her, a jerk and such an idiot. She's wondering why she was even your girlfriend. You shouldn't stalk her now. I guess you blew it, though life is strange and you never know for sure. To me having sex with other girls less than a week after the breakup says a lot about your own feelings, and 2 girls in a weekend means sleeping around. Few things would beat that in turning me off. Edited October 4, 2014 by justwhoiam Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Um, if anybody dumps me and then proceeds to send me a gross text about how he had sex with another woman a week later, I would consider him about as attractive as vomit. Please, leave her alone. She's done with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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