Don't know if she will ever truly love me and trust issues... bummer:(

[tryingveryhard]

Hello,

 

I've been with my current GF for the past 5 years. We met eachother and moved into together after only a week of knowing eachother. I've always loved her and knew I would never want to let her go. We eventually had a beautiful boy together but we have had alot of problems and have done alot of harm to one another.

 

She did cheat on me two years ago. She also said she didnt have sex with him, just petting. This is very important because one month later she told me she was pregnant. Well i was just happy to be with her again and told her i believed her and also believed her that is was 100% my child.

 

Now, the issues that followed after that would prove to be my fault. During her pregnancy I was not a very good BF. I got drunk 3 times and screamed at her to the point she cried, said some very nasty things and pretty much made her feel very little for her mistakes (never physical).

 

After she had our baby she left me about two months after and I begged her to come back (I posted a thread about it actually, you can search it under the same username). She did come back 3.5 months later, I was extremly happy to have her and my son back in my life and our family together once again.

 

Now it's been 4 months since we've been together and we continue to have alot of issues. She threatened to leave me again one month ago because she said she was in love with another man. She did'nt and we moved. she said it was her family that made her wanna leave me not that she was in lve with another man.

 

...So much to tell, so little time. Please bare with me.

 

I should mention that she has a marijuana problem and smokes alot of weed and i do not. Since we have moved (one month ago) she has been doing things that worry me alot. First of all, we have had sex only 2 times. When I ask her why, she says its because she feels like $hit and has no sex drive. SHe has been seeing a doctor and is very worried she has a tumor or something is seriously wrong.

 

Another thing is, she has been visisting my brother in-law alot, like every night and even on his lunch hours to smoke weed with him and his roommate. I get mad about it and tell her not to do it but she says she needs to smoke weed and not worry about her cheating on me. She leaves and comes back in like an hour, high as a kite, its usually around 7pm. I get so worked up when shes gone and can't believe my life is going like this.

 

She says she loves me very much and not to worry about our relationship. But... Gawd it feels like our relationship is dying to me. She never kisses me or seems very into me at all. She never really kisses me or anything. Maybe its because im always asking her about whats going on. Maybe its because im not really fun anymore because im so worried about us and ather things.

 

I don't know how i can really love her anymore. The stress she puts us through, maybe the stress i put us through. We have alot of issues and it's just a really big mess; eg: Money, I have gone without a job for awhile after getting layed off and money has been tight but not tooo bad, we have everything we need. Family, her sister hates me and her Mom wants her to move back home so bad because they want her and her son to be close again.

 

I don't know if she is really into me anymore even though she says not to worry. I don't wanna lose my son again and not be there everyday with him. What should i ask of her? Am i a worry wart? I have bad dreams all the time and feel sick because of it. Its very draining being with someone that dosent seem that interested in you anymore.

 

What should i do and what can we do???

 

Thank-you in advance for any advice.

[literally anything]

Hey man whats up jus replyin to say thanx for the great advice I know it sound's like I'm bs'in but jus knowin that somebody out there can giv me a few pointers makes me feel alot better no joke well I checked you up an read ur posts like ya said too and well I dunno if it's to late for a lil return advice but man I'm gonna tell you one thing one thing that if doesn't stop your relationship with your girlfriend or wife ? I dunno will jus keep sinking to the grave listin man you need to get her off the drugs I know everybody kinda has there own opinion on if weed is bad or is ok but I'm telling you from expierience my friend my sister and alot of my closest friends have been in rehab for long periods of time or still have serious drub problems til today and it's jus escaping reality I've never done it myself but I've seen the effects of it on people and it's makes em a tard you know and you needa sit your girl down and say baby we have A KID period I mean come you know this isn't a game anymore you needa get ur act right and I know that you've prob made mistakes to but if you guys are gonna work stuff out you need to get a fresh start and I feel you when you said that she acts like she doesn't like you cuz you bitch and worry and I do the same thing and it's just cuz we care cus we love them and there not putting in the effort to make the relationship for right so we have to do all the worrying, we have to always be one step ahead I ask myself everyday why? you know it's hard being a leader but sometimes thats just how it works and really I can't tell you if it ever changes cus I don't know myself but what I can tell you is that you seem like a smart good guy and you've mad mistakes like all of us have but you have a whole new set of responsibilities now that your son's in the picture and as hard as it may seem you need to try to get your wife to understand that just hang in there and take it day by day one thing I've noticed recently is that you can't always solve a big problem at one in one moment or setting but you just have to slowly progress it's hard to wait but what matters is that your moving well best of luck and I hope this helps in some way I also was wondering what you meant by when you said my gf has already lost faith in my and thats why she did what she did I thought it was more of a dumb careless impulse thing but who knows whatchu meant so hit me back about that I took up ur advice to and I'm trying real hard to just focus on our future shes givin me hell right now cuz shes stressed with school and work which she takes out on me ahh women you know hate em but we need em lol I just hope when al is done an said with this crappy period of time she jus thanx me for stickin with her even know what she put me through well I'll stop blabbin plz though if you wanna beat this get her off the drugs man you'll thank me.

[clynn]

Yes, she probably is getting tired of you nagging her.

 

And I believe that we might not always like what our partner does but love and commitment may see it through.

 

What she is doing isn't the greatest. But it coudl be worse.

 

once in a while you should pop over and visit her with your brother in law. Why not? THey are family, you should be welcome. Where is the kid when she is there? If with you, then bring the child with you. Why not? She should feel proud of what she is doing. And if not it might make her think about what she is doing.

[moimeme]

And I believe that we might not always like what our partner does but love and commitment may see it through.

 

It is absolutely not all right that she is doing what she is doing. At all. And 'love and commitment' are absolutely not the answer to this.

 

What she is doing isn't the greatest. But it coudl be worse.

 

 

You have got to be kidding!!!! She has a CHILD. This is no way for somebody's mother to behave, for pete's sake.

 

once in a while you should pop over and visit her with your brother in law. Why not? THey are family, you should be welcome. Where is the kid when she is there? If with you, then bring the child with you. Why not? She should feel proud of what she is doing. And if not it might make her think about what she is doing.

 

Oh isn't that cozy? The whole family getting together to smoke dope.

 

What she is doing is absolutely not all right and you need to make it clear that you expect more of her and that she better start straightening out her life. Don't ask - tell her that you two need to get to a counsellor immediately. You both need to start worrying about your son before yourselves and she needs to get off the silly smoke. She's somebody's mother now - time to grow up and stop partying as though she's still a kid.

[clynn]

I certainly DO agree.

 

However, he has attempted being direct.

 

And people with unhealthy habits and addictions and behaviors can't and won't stop no matter what is said to them. They will do it when THEY ARE READY. And that is all.

[Weird]

Wow. You moved in with someone a week afetr meeting them? That's fugged up.

 

You need to just dump this broad. A pothead and she cheated on you...hmmm. I wouldn't waste my time with her, that's for sure.

 

Oh and get custody of the child. I feel SO BAD for the kid that he has a pothead for a mom and as stated above, she needs to fuggin GROW UP. You could easily get the kid if you went to court and told them she is a pothead. Pretty sure the court doesnt like kids being with potheads.

[clynn]

Well, easier said then done.

 

Going to court is expensive and time consuming and emotionally draining.

 

She is still the child's mother. Perhaps she stilll provides in other ways. He may not be able to prove things, she sounds like she has a lot of back up.