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How soon to ask if a woman is single, and best way to do it?


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Posted

SD, I think you already know how I feel about monkey branching.

 

Women who do that are likely not a good choice to be in a relationship with, because then she will just do it to you.

 

Nevermind doing the honorable and right thing, do the SMART thing and protect yourself from girls who may have no sense of loyalty and are flakey enough to take off on you at a moments notice.

 

Remember how you said you want a woman who is willing to talk to you about issues and give you the opportunity to work on the relationship? Monkey branchers won't do that. They'll just take off.

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Posted
SD, I think you already know how I feel about monkey branching.

 

Women who do that are likely not a good choice to be in a relationship with, because then she will just do it to you.

 

Nevermind doing the honorable and right thing, do the SMART thing and protect yourself from girls who may have no sense of loyalty and are flakey enough to take off on you at a moments notice.

 

Remember how you said you want a woman who is willing to talk to you about issues and give you the opportunity to work on the relationship? Monkey branchers won't do that. They'll just take off.

 

Ever since what happened with my ex, monkey branching is something that I've thought about a lot.

 

For me it's an absolute last resort.

 

My goal right now is to check girls off my list ASAP. The main way I'm doing that is by finding out who has a boyfriend, using the methods discussed in this thread.

 

If I seriously can't find a cool girl that is available, then I may need to start sniffing out which girls are unhappy in their current relationship. As I said before, it's a last resort.

Posted

I'm going to add my vote to the "just ask her out" brigade.

 

I've had 3 crushes in my life. My first crush I was so afraid of being rejected that I never asked her out and then was heartbroken when she ended up dating another guy. I learned my lesson.

 

The last two crushes I asked them about as directly as possible: "Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime." Literally zero ambiguity. If they're not interested - they'll let you know and it allows you to move on.

 

If they are interested - it can be life changing.

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Posted
I'm going to add my vote to the "just ask her out" brigade.

 

I've had 3 crushes in my life. My first crush I was so afraid of being rejected that I never asked her out and then was heartbroken when she ended up dating another guy. I learned my lesson.

 

The last two crushes I asked them about as directly as possible: "Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime." Literally zero ambiguity. If they're not interested - they'll let you know and it allows you to move on.

 

If they are interested - it can be life changing.

 

That's a new one to this thread.

 

Actually using the word date. That is really direct.

Posted
That's a new one to this thread.

 

Actually using the word date. That is really direct.

 

Decide what you want and ask for it, clearly and directly. I think you'd be surprised at how often you get it. This doesn't only apply to dates.

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Posted

Just remember.

 

If a woman rejects a guy who could be a potentially really good partner because of an improper approach or something similarly stupid, then SHE is the one who loses out, not you.

Posted
That's a new one to this thread.

 

Actually using the word date. That is really direct.

 

Direct is manly. Love direct.

 

You've said that women see you as safe and friend-ish. If you're avoiding being direct, that is one reason they see you that way.

Posted
Direct is manly. Love direct.

 

You've said that women see you as safe and friend-ish. If you're avoiding being direct, that is one reason they see you that way.

 

For you...

 

Other women will say guys asking them out too soon or showing really direct interest turns them off and they will reject.

 

I would recommend direct as well though.

Posted
For you...

 

Other women will say guys asking them out too soon or showing really direct interest turns them off and they will reject.

 

I would recommend direct as well though.

 

Hopefully she's already demonstrated some interest by that point!

Posted
Hopefully she's already demonstrated some interest by that point!

 

Whichever way you go, there's no way to win.

 

There's only ways to minimize the impact of rejection.

Posted
Whichever way you go, there's no way to win.

.

 

There is no way to assure success, no.

 

But success is very possible :)

Posted
.

 

Even the Godfather (Godmother?) of advice columns Ann Landers herself would always say that there is no commitment until there is an actual engagement. So unless there is an accepted marriage proposal, it is all free market place. Everyone is open game until there is a ring and a wedding date.

 

:sick:

 

chars

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Posted
Direct is manly. Love direct.

 

You've said that women see you as safe and friend-ish. If you're avoiding being direct, that is one reason they see you that way.

 

I'm just afraid that I'll get a lot of no's that may become yes's later on if I was less direct.

Posted
I'm just afraid that I'll get a lot of no's that may become yes's later on if I was less direct.

 

It needn't be a direct invitation out of nowhere. This is the reason for flirting, to gauge her interest. Does she perk up, or pull back?

 

If you aren't comfortable flirting with her, it's probably too soon. Get to know her more, flirt, and then proceed.

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Posted (edited)
I'm just afraid that I'll get a lot of no's that may become yes's later on if I was less direct.

 

You've been less direct up to this point, right?

 

Waiting for signals, and waiting for women to give you signs and stuff or even get the hint that you like them and ask YOU out.

 

How's that been working for you so far?

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
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Posted
It needn't be a direct invitation out of nowhere. This is the reason for flirting, to gauge her interest. Does she perk up, or pull back?

 

If you aren't comfortable flirting with her, it's probably too soon. Get to know her more, flirt, and then proceed.

 

Good suggestion.

 

Right now I'm thinking of asking a girl out cold as soon as I see her.

 

But after we've been flirting a bit and having fun. The thought of asking her out seems nowhere near as scary.

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Posted
Good suggestion.

 

Right now I'm thinking of asking a girl out cold as soon as I see her.

 

But after we've been flirting a bit and having fun. The thought of asking her out seems nowhere near as scary.

 

Yep, it should flow naturally. Still nerve-wracking, yes, but that's part of feeling alive :)

 

No need to force finding out of she's single. If she's flirting and having fun with you, ask her out. If she's not single, you can thank her for the fun flirting anyway.

 

You'll make a good impression. Bold and funny. Women like that.

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Posted

I think SD should go for direct, because even what he considers flirting, is very subtle and easily misconstrued, so his direct approach may also have some sort of subtlety to it, since he naturally is subtle.

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