robert93 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 (edited) So I met this girl 4 yrs ago and became friends..She always liked me but never telled me so after 2 years I had to move to Italy at my mom to get a job there... She contacted me there and said she missed me... She even told me she loved me on the phone. After 3 months I had to come back home and her friends told me she was crying for me... After that we dated and ended togheter as a couple. Everything was great we visited her grandparents and we even flew to Italy at my mom for a week. After that she decided to move permanently with me in Italy to live there. It supposed to be after a year from our visit. lately I started drinking because of me not having a job and waiting around for her to finish school and because of issues with my dad... So one day she broke up with me saying that I drove her away with my drinking and not paying attention to her. Right after that my friends told me that she was going out with a guy that we both know for 2 months only. I think that guy took advantage of us breaking up idk.. After a week of me begging to get back together she accepted and tol me to take things slow.. But all she did was going out with friends all night and avoiding to see each other. We only spent about a hour together per day..So we had an argument again because of her going out all night and hiding from me... Now she said she wants space and freedom because she is only 19 yrs old and she wants to have fun with her friends... I asked her if she still has feelings for me and she told me she is confused.. I don't know what to do I need to go to Italy and I said I will wait for her to tell me what she wants but I got the feeling she doesn't know what she wants either.. I really love her and want her back but I don't know what to do..Please any advice would be great for me ..Thanks Edited October 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
broken2828 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Personally, I think she is right. Date more people so you have a real idea of what you do and do not like. Most likel, youll come to understand that you two werent a great fit.
serges Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Hey bud, your situation sounds so similar to mine. My ex gf of 3 years broke up with me twice during our 3rd year. I was crushed the second time because I thought i could use this 2nd chance to prove my love to her...but it is just not what she was looking for at that period of time. The reason she gave me was we were not compatible, I was emotionally unstable, I was being controlling and she wanted to be single to explore what she can while she was young. She just hit 20 this year. After the breakup, she changed from an innocent girl to a party animal and a smoker. She even got herself a new boyfriend who is the total opposite of me. He parties, smokes, drinks and other activities i do not engage. It breaks my heart to see how she has changed so drastically but this is the path she has chosen to walk on. I have got no choice but to accept, move on and wish her all the best in life. Most of the girls will go through this phase in life where they want to explore while they are young. They have got no clue of what they want out of life. They fear that they will regret if they choose to stay with just one person for the rest of their life. Personally, i do not see what is the problem with that. However, if she wants to leave, begging and crying will not help. My advise to you is to let her go and pursue what she wants in life. True love is not having the title of "boyfriend" or "husband". To see your loved one happy and live whatever life they wanna live - even if that person who she is with is not you. For yourself, stay away from relationships. Focus entirely on yourself first. It will hurt, very much. You will find yourself crying for no apparent reason sometimes. But soldier on. You are not alone. We are both on the same boat.
Author robert93 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Posted October 1, 2014 Thank you guys but I found the truth..Today I saw her and that guy in her dad's car..He was driving and he saw me ) So I am moving on with my life...I knew this is happening but I forced myself to think that is not true..because I never expected this from her..She changed for the worst and I am ashamed for her actions..I was too god to her and yeah she treated me like ****..I wanted to hear the truth from her but now I see it with my own eyes..Thanks for the advice 1
Chi townD Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah dude, one of two things are going to happen. She'll be ashamed that she got caught out on a lie and will avoid you like the plague. OR! She's kicking herself in the ass that she got caught out. She may try to contact you to "explain" that their "just friends" and what you saw was completely innocent because she doesn't want to be the bad guy in all of this. Hope option one happens.
Author robert93 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah she did called me after that but to ask me lame questions about something that she could figure it out on her own..nothing about me seeing her or something..just lame questions to chat with me..she called twice in one hour..I talked like nothing happened not in a rude way or anything...
Chi townD Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 HAHA! Saw that one coming! never contacted BEFORE that and just hours later after you seeing her with him, she calls! Out of the blue! Dude, she was gaging how mad you were. How much you hate her right now. The best thing you could have done is not answer the phone when she called. That way you give her nothing and she holds onto her guilt. But, you acted as if nothing happened. Therefore. she's under the impression that may you didn't see them. Now, she's breathing a sigh of relief. She still thinks that you believe the demise of the relationship was largely your fault.
Author robert93 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Posted October 1, 2014 Honestly I don't care what she thinks right now..I am leaving in 3 weeks and that's that...She knows I saw her that is her problem I am moving on...You were right about her calling me and it's pathetic ) Now I see what a fool I was and I am happy that I realized that. Thank you for your help
Chi townD Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah dude. Time to start a new life and leave her in the rear view mirror. Make plans and look forward to your new life. Look into the area that you're moving to and the fun things there are to do there. That's the key. For some, they get to a new location and they just sit and vegetate and their minds start to wander back to their Ex's. KEEP BUSY AND HAVE FUN!!!
Author robert93 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah you are right..This is the best way for me..I was obsessed to figure it out because I didn't imagine her doing this things..I was 100% secure that she is not like that.Well the reality hit me hard and now I know that she is lost in her "phase" Hope she will not realise that she made a mistake and try to contact me again.Is her mistake and she has to deal with that:)
Author robert93 Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 You are right..I too was thinking that she is young and what she does its because she is young and has a get away stage...Before that she was very mature, she knew what she wants in life and because of her bad experiences in her childhood I believed she became more mature bcause of that..As I said her da is an alcoholic and a violent person and during our relationship she was very mature.I don't know at some level I always wanted to take care of her and I wanted to help her but now she changed and I can't do nothing about it. I am 21 years old and my parents are divorced ..I faced a lot of thing myself but I never stopped loving her.She changed into a insecure girl going out all nigh and stuff...lying to me and hiding from me.I initiated no contact yesterday and surprisingly she called me 2 times yersterday and oene time this morning...She is now looking for a job in the city so I know she doesn't want to come with me.Yes she is young and I see now that she is not prepared to go with me..but back then she trully wanted to move with me and all of that stuff...I hope she doesn;t end up for the worst..her parents are very sad about us breaking up but I think nothing can be done to open her eyes right now.I will answer if she calls because I understand her and I can't be that type of guy...Yes she hurt my feelings but I don't want revenge I simply care about her because I know her for so long.Hopefully she will realize what she wants and be happy with her decisions in life.As fore me I need to think about my future with or without her because I am the only one in charge of my life.I really wanted to take her there and to get a job for her.Yes it was my fault because I let myself down and started drinking and I have no excuse for that.Now I see where I did wrong and I want to learn from my mistakes.Thank you for your help and I think this is the right answer..she is young and not prepared to move to another country because she likes her young life.
Author robert93 Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Yeah I know it's hard for her to figure thing out right now and I know moving to anotehr country it's a big deal for her..But she was so excited about that she wanted to move with me and then suddenly now she doesn't want it anymore..Why she did not tell me this earlier? Why she waited that long and told me this a mounth before we have to go ? I don;t know ..she changed a lot and I think it is best to let her think...As I said I stopped contacting her now and she calls me but it doesn;t feel right..we were so close and now she is different...Also her parents wanted to move with us after a while and they were excited too about that..I have to let it go this is her choise not mine but I feel that she is going to call me when I am there..I don;t know that's what i feel and I don;t think I'll take her back then...It was bad timing in our relationship and that's it.Again thank you for your support I will let her go and see what happens..
Author robert93 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 Guys I have some updates..Her motehr called me and she was crying..she doesn't know how this happened between us and why we broke up...She told me she knew she was hanging out with this other guy but she told me that she asked her what's with that guy and she said that he likes her but she doesn;t want a relationship with him right now..Now I am confused again of what I should do.her motehr had a similar story she dated a man and then separated she dated another man after that to get revenge now she regrets it for all of her life...Her mother told me to give it another try and if nothing works out at least I tried...i don;t know what to do now...She told her mother that she nows that guy likes her but told him that she doesn't want a relationship with him and she is confused.I think she is confused about her feelings and that guy has a influence on her...I really don;t know how to handle things right now...Her mother insist of me giving another try.
Chi townD Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Uh huh...she knows he likes her, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him right now. Okay....right. Then, why the hell is she hanging out with a guy that she doesn't want to be involved with? Why is she stringing this guy along? I speculate that her mother is a very emotional person and she's seeing it. Therefore, she's telling her exactly what she wants to hear in order to get her off of her back. Bottom line, you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. It's not up to YOU to try again. She dumped you, not the other way around.
Natsu21 Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 She left you for someone else. If she's not with him, she sure has him planned out. Guessing you're in your 20s. At that age, the majority of women will have a starter warming up in the bullpen. Don't take it personally.
Author robert93 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 Her mother was in the same place long time ago.She loved a man very much and they broke up and because of anger and to make him jealous she found someone else ( her husband right now) ) and she regrets that decision for the rest of her life..her mother loves me and she doesn't want the same thing to happen with us.I told her we cannot force her to get back and that is her decision not mine...Anyway she told me she was depressed after we broke up and she is very agressive with her mother...I think she wants to prove something I don;t know..This guy is giving her attention when she needs it because he is taking advantage of her situation...She is going to stop by at my place today and I don't know what to tell her...I do love her but I am tired of beeing a mess...I can't wait forever to change her mind..She is now testing the water to see if that guy is good for her...
Author robert93 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 I talked to her on the phone today she told me that she cares about me..I asked her if she wants to get back togheter she told me that she is unsure because we fight every time we see eachother..I told her to give it another shot if she wants and she told me that she will come and see me these days.She told me that she is busy these days and she has to finish driving school so she can't go with me right now in Italy. I said ok and we see what happens she also told me if I can;t wait for her I can leave she doesn't want to keep me holding if I don't want to..I hope she gives me a straight answer and if we do get back togheter she would stop seeing that guy and she will behave corectly...
Simon Phoenix Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Dude, stop talking to your ex and stop talking to your ex's mother. It's not doing anything but stringing you along and keeping you from moving forward. She's not going to give you a straight answer because she likes having you as an option.
Author robert93 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Posted October 5, 2014 yeah I know the easier way is to move on.Her mom kept calling me I was not looking for her mother...I know this may sound crazy but I can;t just let it go..I don't know it's a risk I want to take and if it's not meant to be at least I;ve tried one more time..I spoke with her and she told that she cares about me and that she is going to come over to talk with me about getting back..I don;t know it's something I want to do right now I want to try again..
Author robert93 Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 I really need help..I really want to know what's happening right now with my ex.I want the truth idk I am that type of person that never gives up.I want to know what made her change this way..She never behave like this before she is doing the opposite of what she was in our relationship..I met her these days and she is a completely different person.After she dumped me she became another person.So she left me and hangs with that other guy she keeps denying that to me and to everyone.Our friends see that too and they now talk bad about her.Even her parents can't understand her.She came at my house and she told me that she is thinking to get back togheter.She said that she will give me an answer in a week or so.She never been like this.She never liked cheating she had great character and now she goes out all night she is hiding from everyone she is hanging with people she hated before.She has a second phone and she is very secretive about what she is doing.She is hiding her phone from everybody even her parents.She injects herself in bad situations and with bad people.She is confused and araound me she is acting weird.She has a forced laughter and she is nervous than suddenly stops and she is sad.She keps flirting with other guys around me...I feel bad for her right now...Everybody thinks bad about her actions.She is not finding herself right now...I told her to open up to me and to confess what she is going trough but she is hiding and denies hanging with that other guy..She keeps bringing back old memories to all of our friends...I don't want her to take the wrong path.I was her first man and I care for her and I don't want her to get lost...If this behaviour tells something for you please let me know...I want the truth..
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