Clem23 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I met a guy at a my summer job a few weeks ago: we are both 22 and we get along well but i'm stuck in a confusing situation. So we work in the same service in that firm and spend a lot of time together every day, quite logically. He is gentle, a genuine guy, he walks me every evening to my bus stop, sometimes he even makes a detour and takes it with me to keep talking. He knows the area better than me so he also shows me around and we have lunch together very often. He's had flirty gestures (putting his hand on my lower back, when he hugs me goodbye he lingers a bit and has soft eyes, once or twice he even softly kissed my cheek), he compliments me sometimes and he seems caring (the other day he went ou without telling t to buy me coffee as i was tired) etc. We get along well, talk a lot, including about relationships, he never mentionned a girlfriend... but on Friday night as we were leaving work and walking as usual, i asked him what he was gonna do that evening. At first he said he was gonna meet with some friends, but after walking a few more minutes, he confessed to me that he actually had an appointment with his gf to dump her cause he he didn't love her anymore and he needed to have the honesty to do it. I was shocked, he never mentionned her. They've been together 2 years apparently. But still, before meeting her he spent 2 hours with me. But what should I think of that? Why did he delibarately not mention her? Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 He probably never thought he'd have to tell you... meaning that he'd never get to the point he is with you in being close. My SM started as an simple online friend, out of casual convo and shared interests on an online forum. So our profiles had nothing to do with ourselves. Well I was more accurate with details but not with personal pictures. She on the other had was being younger to gain attention and play with peeps as she liked to be amused by their reactions to her odd humor and such. So, as time went along... about a year, things changed and she could not get herself to allow for telling the truth. It went another couple of years, and was troubling her to no end. So she finally told me, and things have been so much better. Think of his way of allowing things to be right. Now that you know, you should not feel bad, unless you feel you took him away from his girl. Which I strongly doubt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Ever heard the term "have your cake and eat it too".....yeah, that's why. I'm willing to bet he doesn't dump his girlfriend and he comes back to you saying its too difficult and it will happen when the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I don't like this guy, from your description of him. He's got a girlfriend (who he conveniently forgot to mention in any of your lengthy conversations with him) yet when he's not with her, he's out wherever with his hands and lips on another gal. To me, it's slimy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Walk away. Tell him if he actually breaks up with his GF to look you up. If you are still free & still want to go out with him, consider it but explain you are not interested in being the OW. If you genuinely didn't know about the GF you can't be blamed for the 1st few dated. If he does come back consider this: If he did it to her -- started up with somebody before breaking up -- it's highly likely he'll do it to you. He has already shown he's not a man of good character. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) And you note he is a genuine guy? A few weeks isn't enough to determine the character of a man. People can be anyone they want to be to entice you. So before you label him genuine just because he walks you to the bus stop, engages conversation with you, bats his eyeslids with a twinkle in his eye -- PAY ATTENTION to the fact he had no issues trying to smooth his way into presenting himself as Mr. Wonderful, flirting and touching you and completely ignoring the existence of a girlfriend that he's been with for 2 years. Nothing genuine about that. If he can do it to her, he will certainly do it to you. I would step away from this guy. He's slick. Edited September 30, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Picture this guys gf, now picture everything hes done with you but pretend to be the be the gf at home. Now picture actually being with him as yourself but picture in a years time him being bored and is out there making some other girl his next gf while you're at home. Do you still wanna date him now? The guy is not an honest one he stays with women till he can find someone else to immediately take their place when he feels its over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 He's an ass looking to cheat, he's not dumping anyone. Even if he did, do you want to be his rebound? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 If he did it to her -- started up with somebody before breaking up -- it's highly likely he'll do it to you. Some men and women have this pattern of lining someone else up before dumping the current guy/gal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I don't agree that he's just looking to cheat; if that were true, he wouldn't have raised the subject at all. Granted, he should have mentioned her immediately, but that doesn't matter now. If he does indeed dump her, then fine, you can go from there. But make it clear that you won't indulge this flirty stuff any further until he does. I was in a pretty similar situation: he'd been with her for four years, things got vaguely flirtatious between us (although nowhere near as flirty as you guys---we didn't touch at all), and we had a talk about it. We decided we both had very strong feelings for each other, he promptly broke up with his girlfriend, and that was that. For a while I felt like a homewrecker. The thing is that people do not leave happy relationships for someone else. In my case, he had been miserable for years and had repeatedly tried to break it up. I may have been a catalyst for the breakup, but was not the cause, and you aren't either. You aren't a bad person and you didn't "steal" him. Life and relationships are complicated, and it's easy for things to get horribly muddled without ever meaning to. But we have an obligation as decent human beings to make things as simple as possible. When he breaks up with his girlfriend then you can decide where you want to go...just don't do anything a minute before that. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 My bet would be he has no intention of dumping her. I was naive enough to be strung along for well over a year waiting for a guy who claimed that he couldn't stand his girlfriend and was going to dump her and he wanted to be with me, but he just needed to wait for the right time to dump her. Yeah. Never happened. They actually broke up maybe 2 months ago, 2 years after he said he would, then he got back with her maybe 3 weeks later. It's a crock of crap! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Run. Far. Fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Ok, I'm the odd ball here, so here goes... I think his timing was adequate...cuz, what if he told you from the get-go he was involved with someone? You would have never given him the time of day and he would not have gotten to know you and decide he wanted to date you. My point is, not everyone you meet is gonna have a clean cut from someone they may be involved with. Some people are in ho-hum situations and don't leave cuz it's probably convenient, they don't want to be alone, they have an allegiance to the other person and you might be the person that motivated them to make a change to their situation. He hasn't kissed the OP, he hasn't had sex with her. It's not like he was leading her on. IMO, before she starts developing feelings for him and/or physical intimacy starts (i.e. kissing or sex) THAT is when he should bring up the gf cuz imagine if from day one he blurts "FYI, I have a gf and I'm about to dump her"...You'd be like "whoa partner, I don't even know you and you're telling me you have a gf?" So, if he is lying about the gf, then you'll find out soon enough. The more time you spend with someone, you'll find out...(i.e. checking out his Facebook page, time he spends with you). I say proceed with caution. If you're wanting something serious with him, don't get intimate till you know for sure his situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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