Shall I have a serious conversation with him? Or am I overreacting?

[Junr]

(jump to long story short/additional info if I'm talking too much. I think I am?)

 

Just a quick introduction, I'm 24, female and I've been very shy my whole life, to the point I only got to out with guys after 21. During these 3 years, I've been through a lot of guys (like... a lot) and at some point I would either get bored of them or the other way around would happen, so I never got to a serious relationship as I don't want to settle with anything that isn't mutual for me.

 

Recently I met a guy and we're dating. He's my first boyfriend. I've been through too much when it comes down to getting to know someone: guys have kissed other girls in front of me while they were with me, I've seen girls snuck inside a toilet cabin to kiss a guy who was with me (and he kissed her too), I've been with guys who would invite me to a party, then give me some random excuse to flirt/meet other woman, and stuff like that. And I'm now an insecure woman that thinks at any time, the other one will simply cheat on me or do something to make me sad. It's like I'm always expecting that.

 

However, I've been going out with this one guy for about 2 months. We're in a serious relationship, 'cause he made me feel special in many ways. We met in a club during the weekend and on the other weekend he was already inviting me to go to a party with him and his friends - and actually said that if I wanted to do something else with him instead, that would be okay. That was one of the sweetest things a guy has done to me. He actually cared.

 

He says I'm pretty, hot, awesome, amazing and he's living the happiest moments of his life (so far) with me. He says he loves me sometimes, if I don't text him he will text me, and we always plan the weekends together.

 

There are things that are bothering me though. When we go out, he often sees pretty girls and mention how pretty they are. Sometimes he even flirts with them, right in front of me. It hasn't gone past that but since I'm scared from previous "relationships", it really scares me that he will go ahead and ask their number, go out with them or something like that - in other words, cheat on me. I've said how that makes me sad but he continues to do so. Last saturday that happened and he got really angry, like about to break up with me, 'cause I said he was flirting with another girl and he said that was not true and would just go home 'cause he doesn't have to go through that.

 

When I get sad/upset and I try to talk to him, he seems to get angry all the time. He's one that doesn't like to talk too much. When something bothers him, he would rather just let it go. I, on another note, prefer to talk to him when something is not okay, cause I don't want to hold it inside and I don't have the capability of "just letting it go" like he does. But what to do if everytime I try to talk he will just sit there pretending he's listening?

 

It's like, it feels like he's not worried about the problems I have. I know that's not his problem, but as my boyfriend he should be helping me get over them and make me feel secure, right? At least that's what I do to him, 'cause he's really insecure about his body and he has had many problems regarding sex which became little traumas, which I'm slowly and patiently helping him to get over them - he's feeling a lot more secure now than when we started to date. On another note, I don't feel like he's trying to help me.

 

Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe I have reasons to feel insecure? I can't tell you guys the whole story cause that would make this post way bigger than what it already is, but there are more things along the lines of what I mentioned regarding him; good and bad things.

 

LONG STORY SHORT

 

I'm now about 2 months into my first serious relationship. He makes me feel special every now and then, but he also does things that doesn't make me feel secure (I'm very emotionally insecure) while I try to make him feel secure in every way (he's insecure about his appearance and sex). I've tried to talk to him about it, makes me feel better at the moment, but the insecurities always come back. When we're together, things are beyond great, but when we're apart (during the week, for example, since our schedules are very different), I just feel insecure all the time.

 

ADDITIONAL INFO:

 

- He's scared I'll ditch him for someone else or cheat, and has said that to me a few times; I've said numerous times that that's not happening.

- He says he's happy with me, would never cheat and makes long-term plans with me;

- I'm scared he'll cheat on me or break up with me and make me really sad again;

- I'm a good looking girl, guys look at me all the time, sometimes they even hit on me when I'm with him (he gets jealous, pulls me closer, but doesn't say a thing). He doesn't seem to attract as many girls though.

 

Any help? Sorry for the big text, if I could I would type down even more.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

It seems you are attracted to guys who are attracted to attractive women. The more you allow what bothers you, the less you feel secure. That is normal, so depending on how he looks at girls and expresses his opinions about them, can be unsettling if you don't have full trust.

 

For me being shy, I am not one to go looking around, but most all woman I have been with are open about their thoughts. I took them as being open and honest. Never thought about them sneaking off. I think after looking back a bit, that shy people are not so open about personal thoughts, and find themselves being the black sheep so to speak with others on allowing personal thoughts to be shared that is meant to be for ones self in some ways.

 

You can tell him with your honesty and trust, if he can't understand and do what needs to be done, then so be it. Why put yourself second around peeps when you should be #1 with your mate.

 

Sorry if I sound a bit negative, just many understanding men and women would feel the same at how I see it.