Why marry your prom date?

[irc333]

Even though the title says, "Marraige" it's really a concern for those who are single.

 

Being that I live in a small town, when I graduated high school, I headed off to college and did my thing there came back.

 

THere was a local college I wanted to take a couple of classes at after that, and I had noticed that women in that community college were either all married or at least engaged....most of which were to men that that were their boyfriends since the high school days.

 

Surprisingly, some are still together today.

 

I remember very recently talking to a 23 year old woman who had come back from a major university. Lucky for her online dating existed and she's got a boyfriend she's been dating, he lives 3 hrs away, met him online, but hey...at least it works.

 

She said she was never one to "hurry up and get married" but decided to give college a chance and live with that experience as to rather get married and pop out 3 kids before the age of 25. LOL

 

She was the smart one I would think.

 

But my point here is....why aren't some of these people considering the fact that they have a whole SLEW of options to explore beyond their High School prom date??

 

Didn't they think that "Woah, I'll be running into a bunch of college women in my next 4 years, while I'll only be emailing and having web came sex with my g/f-fiance' back home." lol

 

Not only that, you're being opened up to a whole new SOCIAL avenue beyond just dating. This will only leave you forgetting about your girl/boy back home anyway. You'll be too distracted to even care, right?

 

I would advise anyone graduating high school to "take a break" from whomever they dated in high school, but that relationship on the back burner, while you explore options in college.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I was just having a conversation with someone yesterday about how almost everyone I know who is in a relationship today is either married or engaged to their high school sweethearts (I'm early 20s by the way)

 

However, nearly all of those couples either didn't go to college OR are in/recently graduated from local colleges with the exception of one girl I know who's boyfriend actually moved to her new state to be with her (he skipped college altogether).

 

I still think it's strange but have to remind myself that college isn't always the endless sea of poon and alcohol some people make it out to be and regardless, not everyone wants to participate. Some people, yes, even 18/19/20 year olds can and do get comfortable and have happy, successful relationships all throughout college with their HS partners. Especially if distance isn't a factor.

 

While I wouldn't neceisarily advise anyone to end a relationship just because they're going off to college and nothing is guaranteed, I'd certainly advise them not to hang onto it if it starts getting too difficult to maintain or there's a desire to cheat.

[Assasda]

I think its all a wash in the end.

The only thing I hope that people DONT do after highschool is get married.

Just for the legal ramifications for getting out of that.

 

but, I'm all for people expanding their world sphere and expferiencing different things.

Not even romantically

[xxoo]

Why does anyone marry anyone?

 

They're in love. The Beach Boys said it all in "wouldn't it be nice?"

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't understand it either, unless people are from a very devout traditional background which normalises early marriage for them. You change SO much from say 16-26 it's crazy, there's no guarantee you're both going to grow in the same direction no matter how much you both want to at the outset.

 

I know that people who get married that young do say that they're lucky to find their soulmate so quickly and to be able to spend so much time with them, but personally I couldn't take the risk.

 

None of my friends my age are marriage or even engaged (we're 26), everybody has had relationships, cohabitation, one was engaged but it got broken off. Everyone has focused on higher education, and a career. Which means that we can stand on our own two feet, and that a husband someday would be a nice extra rather than a necessity to get by financially.

 

I just don't get it. I don't see the rush. If I'd married the boyfriend I had for four years from 18-22 I'd be divorced already. Some things take a while to surface. Personally I think late twenties/early thirties is an ideal age, when you're all set up in life with a career path, have had chance to do your own thing and explore the world or your country, been able to gain independence. I especially feel sorry for people who move straight from their parents' house to the marital house, they've never had the chance to learn to live independently, nor experienced the awesome freedom that comes with that.

 

But to each their own, it's not for me but I'd never judge somebody for taking that path. I just find it unusual.

[mightycpa]

I've thought about this too, and here's what I came up with.

 

First, these HS people are probably raised such that this is an expectation for them, like this is how life is supposed to go. You know how you are after HS. You think you know everything there is to know about what you want. They don't go to college, and that says something about their adventurousness and probably their capability for a higher education. As they proceed into the world with their limited education and skills, life is probably somewhat of a struggle, and a couple struggles together, which gives them a common bond. Marriage provides another bond, and children give them yet another one. Later, it can be pretty expensive to get divorced, and I'm sure that parents step in to tell them to stick it out, marital problems are normal.

 

Plus, how many serious dating options can a high school graduate with a kid or two have? To go get another one who is pretty much like the last one and who may have already been discarded by another HS graduate? It doesn't take a high school graduate to see that the grass isn't really greener out there, at least, not for them. Lastly, I think that right about the time that the college graduates their age start hitting the local bars, talking about their fancy degrees and jobs and starting salaries, the HS graduate is beginning to feel old and out of place. Time to get married, if he isn't already.

 

So, to your point, I think that they have limited their options. They don't have as many options as you might think they have. The pool of suitable mates is drying up, because what HS guy wants a college educated wife who might make more money, and want nicer things than he can provide. What college wife wants a HS educated guy? Most will want a good earner, not that MR. HS can't be that, but most are not that. And sure, a HS gal may want a college husband.. but they have to compete against college women, who are probably smarter, definitely more educated with better prospects and who have a common college experience. Socially, the college woman is more in tune with the college boy, and the HS boys and girls are the same way. Common experiences make for better couples.

 

That's probably the way the college grad boys see it too. I know I did. The education difference is vast and the experience differences are pronounced. Parents will advise against it, and the HS will feel out of place around the college pals. The college boy/girl will feel out of place around the HS pals. It just doesn't mix very well.

 

In addition to that, the career perspectives and outlooks are different. There is very little common framework in the first few years of adulthood. Right after graduation, the college kids feel free, they are ready to take on the world with more opportunity than the HS kids ever had. The HS kids already went through this, and the world was a tough and unforgiving place where many jobs required the education they didn't get. Developmentally, they are on completely different timelines.

 

None of any of this is universally true, but a lot of it is probably true on average.