fallacy Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) English is not my first language so pardon any grammatical errors. I'm a guy in my 20s working at a senior position in a relatively successful company. I have been quite successful in my career - top education, great first job etc. I am a quiet person with a pleasing personality - have had a girl friend before and have a lot of female friends. This woman joined our company a few months back and I have been attracted to her since. We went on a company trip together and had good fun there. After coming back, we started whatsapping each other pretty regularly after work. Most of the conversations are initiated by me, but she actively replies to my messages. We have also got close - she discusses a lot of things about her family, particularly how her brother is doing. She also tells me where she's going out with friends, even on weekends (but conversations are largely initiated by me). She also tells me stuff about how she's doing in her job and about private conversations with her bosses. A few days back I went on a trip abroad, and she asked me to get her a few things. I bought her those things. She also told me that one purse I bought "made her day". We also talk about music sometimes - she told me she's glad I share her taste in music. I once helped her on something work related and asked whether she'd treat me to pizza for doing that. She didn't immediately reply but texted the next day saying she owed me a pizza treat. That day we chatted for a long time, she was very interested in what I was doing and whether I reached home safe. But, there are times she seems withdrawn. Sometimes she takes a long time to reply to messages and tries to end conversations (going to crash etc). But a couple of times she has apologized in person for not replying to messages. Then there's this pizza treat thing - I tried reminding her about it but got no response. We always have lunch together - she knows I wait for her to finish as sometimes we've eaten as late as 4pm. She also notices what I do in office - I had a headache yesterday and went to the medical room to get some pills, and she noticed. But she doesn't actively come up to my desk to speak with me. She has stayed back late in office a few times, and I have offered to drop her home, but she always says no as we live on the opposite side of the city. She stays with her folks, and has had a bad relationship in the past (4-5 years ago). She has a few close friends, but not sure she has a boyfriend. I've only dated one girl before and that was pretty straight forward. Never had this kind of an experience before. Not sure what to make of her behaviour, and how to approach this! Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Edited September 30, 2014 by fallacy
Assasda Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Sounds like you like to please a little too much man. If you are trying too hard and she's not reciprocating, back off a little - You certainly cant control her feelings, and you should be more selfish in your endeavors. So, if she seems a little dry at times. Dont feel the need to play entertainer. See other women as well
Natsu21 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 If you're not immediately physically attractive...you're gonna need to back off a little and explore other options.
Diezel Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 First of all... you have a "senior position". Cut this crap out. Don't chase a woman at the expense of your career. Second, where are the mixed messages? That she texts you? There are simply NO messages. She's just talking to you like a friend, and nothing more.
Junr Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Easier said than done, but why don't you man up and ask her out? It seems like she sees you as a friend or maybe is waiting for you to go one step further. Either way, you should rather find out now than stay in this dillema forever. Find something she likes to do (via Facebook you could get a good idea of what she likes) and invite her to go there. She doesn't seem dumb so she will realize you're asking her for a date and will either accept/refuse; in case she accepts, awesome! When you're there, make a lot of eye contact and show somehow that you have interest. If she refuses with an excuse but give you another option, it means she's interested. If she only refuses then it's clear that she sees you as a friend and then you should move on. Take the risk. At the end of the day, it will only make you good.
Author fallacy Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 Thank you all for your messages. I reminded her again about the pizza treat, and she agreed. She's out on office work this weekend, but has promised to go out once she's back. Let's see how it goes. Really want this to work out!
Author fallacy Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Not sure what went wrong in the last two days, but she has become very distant and cold. Not responding personally or to my messages. She has been a bit busy at work, but it's quite clear she doesn't care to respond any more. I just don't understand how women work. I'm not the type of guy who goes out with every girl (just last year I was helping a lady friend get through her breakup and could have taken advantage, but didn't). This is the third girl I have liked in 6 years (after my ex gf with whom it didn't work out because of her conservative family and their religion, and another girl from my university). Just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
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