Coming on to the other side with gratitude to all members on here

[firststeps]

A huge thank you to each and everyone on this forum for your encouragement, support, and calling it like it is. I needed the truth, no sugar coated messages, or the words l wanted to hear so desperately to have me stuck in a dreamland.

 

 

I caught on to my husbands infidelity a year a ago after being married for 14 years and together for 20 years. After a massive blow to my entire being, and the game he was playing for three months of him being on the fence on whether he wanted to be with the OW or me.....l slowly got my life back together.

 

 

I went through the worst days of my life, l couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, went through a bout of depression, couldn't get out of bed some days, buried my head in covers for days and lost weight. With everything going on, l credit this site for getting me through those tough times.

 

 

l became obsessed, l was on here each night for hours, most nights l feel asleep reading the posts on here. So many nights, l wouldn't be able to sleep and my only solace was to log on, express my thoughts, read and re-read comments that members wrote on my post, l would read others posts, reach out or read comments made.

 

 

I needed to be here, this community of people all with similar stories. Some responses to my posts, brought me to tears, as l received thoughtful, caring and supporting messages expressing the same message "l too will get through this". The best part, they were right! There was a breaking point or epiphany of sorts.

 

 

The straw that broke the camels back, final cold, cruel run in and it hit me. Everything everyone was saying on here "do the 180", heard it over and over. I knew in that moment, if l didn't start creating boundaries and sticking to them, he was going to continue to ruin me and l deserved better then all this bs. I knew that he was in his fog with the OW but it was my turn to take charge and control over my life. It was the best thing l could ever done for myself.

 

 

I went through counseling, joined a divorce support group, decided to join the gym, forced myself to go every day, l pushed myself to hang out with friends, even when l was down in the dumps. I started to enjoy myself, pampered myself, started to organize my house according to the way l wanted. I started dating again and now with an amazing man, and feel so blessed and l'm happy.

 

 

I still have divorce stuff to take care of but l'm feeling strong and alive, l haven't felt this great in ages.

 

 

Well, after a 11 and a half months, my ex husband, tried resurfacing to talk about how he made a mistake and wanted to know if there was any way to patch things up. I told him that not in any circumstances and that all the love l ever had was gone. Didn't yell, scream, or call him names, but in my best professional/business like mannerism, l told him it was over.

 

 

I thought l would feel so vindicated, but l wasn't, l cannot say l feel sorry for him either. Hard to describe, but l'm getting over the bitterness and anger, to being indifferent. There are times, where l still feel hurt for the pain he caused, but l count my blessings, for all the good that has come out of despair.

 

 

To all those struggling with infidelity, please know that you are not alone and l encourage you to please follow the 180. You deserve better then to be with someone that can betray you and hurt you. Once they do it, it will be so easy to do it again. The 180 is so critical!!

 

 

A very warm thank you to the regulars on here that spend countless hours of their time to reach a helping "heart" in all their replies.

 

 

A special message to all that are struggling, no matter what you are going through, try and try each day to reach for support. There are so many free resources and community support groups. Reach out, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

With Love,

 

firststeps.

[jakrbbt]

Thanks for this. While I am not dealing with infidelity, there are other kinds of betrayal and just plain unhealthy obsession with what the other one is doing.

 

the description of spending hours on LS every night really hit home. You mean it won't always be this way? One day I can focus on other things and have a life?

 

It is nice to read such a story. Thanks again.

[Trimmer]

I still have divorce stuff to take care of but l'm feeling strong and alive, l haven't felt this great in ages.

This is so good to hear!

 

Well, after a 11 and a half months, my ex husband, tried resurfacing to talk about how he made a mistake and wanted to know if there was any way to patch things up. I told him that not in any circumstances and that all the love l ever had was gone. Didn't yell, scream, or call him names, but in my best professional/business like mannerism, l told him it was over.

 

 

I thought l would feel so vindicated, but l wasn't, l cannot say l feel sorry for him either. Hard to describe, but l'm getting over the bitterness and anger, to being indifferent.

This is so great - I'm not one for bumper-sticker sayings, but one that I do like is: "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." If you had felt "vindicated", like revenge had been served, I think that would have been an indication that you were not so far along in your healing and development.

 

Your ultimate destination is indifference - the point where his absence is irrelevant, and his presence, if he should come crying back to you, doesn't rock your world and send you back into pain. Indifference. You are looking - and moving - forward, and you are cutting the ties to this element of your past that would drag you back and slow you down.

 

I think this is a great indicator of your progress!

[No Limit]

Good to hear you've gotten out of this mess. No need to hate the ex, he's made way for a better, good guy after all!