JetDreams Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I realize no one on this forum is going to be able to answer this question for me, but I thought maybe someone can give me some advice that will help me discover the answer myself... I've been single for over 3 years, and I'm having a hard time understanding why... Most of the dates I have go on, are with guys I met through OKCupid. I don't have any issues with getting the 1st date. I'm in my late twenties, mentally and physically in good shape, got my own place, car, and a career I enjoy. I've been on countless dates during the past few years. I never felt like I had a bad date. Each one ended with me convinced the guy had a good time. But out of all the dates, I've only had two 2nd dates. So I'm pretty convinced that I must be doing something on my end to ruin my 2nd date chances. To be completely honest, most of the time, I usually don't dig my date so I don't make much of effort to contact them back. But there has been a bunch of guys where I did make an effort. What I usually do after I come home from a date, is text them when I get home... let them know i got home safe. tell them i had a good time and hopefully we can do it sometime soon. That sort of deal. Sadly, I usually don't get a reply back. Then, I'll send a short text 3-4 days later. Like a 'Hey. How's it going?' to see if I get anything back. If I don't get a reply, I delete the number. The part that really confuses me is most of the guys will want to kiss me at the end of the night. That means that they were into me right?! To have so many guys just flat out not even reply back. It definitely hurts the ego.
LoneIsland Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Perhaps they kissed you as a thank you for the date. Can't really say if they are into you.
Tayken Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I realize no one on this forum is going to be able to answer this question for me, but I thought maybe someone can give me some advice that will help me discover the answer myself... I've been single for over 3 years, and I'm having a hard time understanding why... Most of the dates I have go on, are with guys I met through OKCupid. I don't have any issues with getting the 1st date. I'm in my late twenties, mentally and physically in good shape, got my own place, car, and a career I enjoy. I've been on countless dates during the past few years. I never felt like I had a bad date. Each one ended with me convinced the guy had a good time. But out of all the dates, I've only had two 2nd dates. So I'm pretty convinced that I must be doing something on my end to ruin my 2nd date chances. To be completely honest, most of the time, I usually don't dig my date so I don't make much of effort to contact them back. But there has been a bunch of guys where I did make an effort. What I usually do after I come home from a date, is text them when I get home... let them know i got home safe. tell them i had a good time and hopefully we can do it sometime soon. That sort of deal. Sadly, I usually don't get a reply back. Then, I'll send a short text 3-4 days later. Like a 'Hey. How's it going?' to see if I get anything back. If I don't get a reply, I delete the number. The part that really confuses me is most of the guys will want to kiss me at the end of the night. That means that they were into me right?! To have so many guys just flat out not even reply back. It definitely hurts the ego. BOLD 1: 3-4 days latter because they didn't contact you first? Great, what you don't know is that they've already beat you to the punch and your number was long deleted before you did theirs. Seriously.."hey what is going on"? Charming indeed Bold 2: Welcome to what a lot of men have to go through, and NO a quick snog doesn't mean they are into you. Men continue to have their ego shattered in an opposite way...but guess what, they persevere Not nice is it, when the shoe is on the other foot?
LoneIsland Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 BOLD 1: 3-4 days latter because they didn't contact you first? Great, what you don't know is that they've already beat you to the punch and your number was long deleted before you did theirs. Seriously.."hey what is going on"? Charming indeed Bold 2: Welcome to what a lot of men have to go through, and NO a quick snog doesn't mean they are into you. Men continue to have their ego shattered in an opposite way...but guess what, they persevere Not nice is it, when the shoe is on the other foot? No need to cry a river man. The OP is innocent of all your sufferings 2
Author JetDreams Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 Perhaps they kissed you as a thank you for the date. Can't really say if they are into you. I never kiss on a 1st date. I tell them this though.
Author JetDreams Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 No need to cry a river man. The OP is innocent of all your sufferings One thing I do know is that at least I'm not bitter like Tayken.
Tayken Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 No need to cry a river man. The OP is innocent of all your sufferings Ahahahaha...You got me, I just personalized my experience in that post. NOT One thing I do know is that at least I'm not bitter like LoneIsland I thought I was the only one who saw through that one....he is oozing it like lava
LoneIsland Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I never kiss on a 1st date. I tell them this though. Oh, haha. I misread. Hmmm, that's a puzzle then. If there's a anonymous way to show me your dating profile, I maybe able offer a view on this puzzle.
LoneIsland Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) One thing I do know is that at least I'm not bitter like Tayken. Nevermind him. Everyone are bitter including me. But I find it serving no purpose, so I am too lazy to show overtly that I am. Edited September 30, 2014 by LoneIsland
Fondue Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe you're displaying some sort of standoffish energy that men pick up on. Or maybe you're really poor at signaling to someone that you're interested in further dates. I have a feeling you're simply projecting disinterest. Regardless of whether you are or you are not. Try showing more interest when you follow up with the guy. Make it sound genuine. Don't be low energy either. ---- Clearly you're a woman who has no trouble getting a first date. Which should mean you're attractive. I think it comes down to what happens during and after the date that puts people off. Find out what that is. 2
cif Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 When on a date, do you notice a change in their demeanor? Do they show more interest in the beginning than at the end? Do you sense they try for sex or are the kisses just pecks on the cheek? Something must be happening during the dates that makes them lose interest.
Phoe Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Do you live in an isolated area? Are you perhaps a bit awkward? I don't mean that offensively, I'm quite awkward myself. I also live in a very small town. I was single for 6 years, only got asked on dates 4 times. I believe my bit of awkwardness has a lot to do with this, combined with this isolated location. Any of that seem possible for you?
Supernatural Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 It's dating. Who really knows anything about it? You can do everything right, and still get no second date. You can be beautiful and awesome and still get no second date. It's kind of a waste to try and figure it out. Just think... It probably won't work out anyways, even if you get to the tenth date. Change your mentality. No one knows why you're single. I don't know why I'm single and the guy at work who cheats on his g/f has one... The world really is a mystery. What I have realized... Is a lot of really good people are single. And it's really shocking. And a lot of morons, cheaters, and bad people have significant others. You sound like you need to lighten up. You sound like a good catch. I would go on a date with you... Anyways. Watch Jimmuy Carr. He's hilarious and will make you forget about being single. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWP-JxQokHM Everyone should watch this guy, he is brilliant.
Supernatural Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Oh.... One more thing, Jet. If a guy doesn't respond to your text after you tell him you had a good time, or even message you after you message him... That says enough about his character right there. And you should be thankful you saw it after 1 date. It's dodging a bullet really. 2
Assasda Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Kissing at the end of the date does not mean they like you. Also you said youve been on a lot of dates, surely you should give some of the other guys a chance for you to get to know them. OP I think you may have missed out by having a bit of a chip on your shoulder
boilingpoint Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Oh.... One more thing, Jet. If a guy doesn't respond to your text after you tell him you had a good time, or even message you after you message him... That says enough about his character right there. And you should be thankful you saw it after 1 date. It's dodging a bullet really. Not replying to texts is the standard form of rejection these days for men and women after a 1st or 2nd date that wasn't as hoped. It's not great but it's the way it is.
quidproquo89 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe you're displaying some sort of standoffish energy that men pick up on. Or maybe you're really poor at signaling to someone that you're interested in further dates. I have a feeling you're simply projecting disinterest. Regardless of whether you are or you are not. Try showing more interest when you follow up with the guy. Make it sound genuine. Don't be low energy either. ---- Clearly you're a woman who has no trouble getting a first date. Which should mean you're attractive. I think it comes down to what happens during and after the date that puts people off. Find out what that is. that's a great point. I am attracted to a girl, that's why I ask them out. I know the date is going well because of their enthusiasm and smiling etc. That's what makes a great date! 1
quidproquo89 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Do you live in an isolated area? Are you perhaps a bit awkward? I don't mean that offensively, I'm quite awkward myself. I also live in a very small town. I was single for 6 years, only got asked on dates 4 times. I believe my bit of awkwardness has a lot to do with this, combined with this isolated location. Any of that seem possible for you? this sounds a bit like me,. Isolated area - check. Awkwardness - not so much, but a little reserved on dates.
quidproquo89 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 It's dating. Who really knows anything about it? You can do everything right, and still get no second date. You can be beautiful and awesome and still get no second date. It's kind of a waste to try and figure it out. Just think... It probably won't work out anyways, even if you get to the tenth date. Change your mentality. No one knows why you're single. I don't know why I'm single and the guy at work who cheats on his g/f has one... The world really is a mystery. What I have realized... Is a lot of really good people are single. And it's really shocking. And a lot of morons, cheaters, and bad people have significant others. You sound like you need to lighten up. You sound like a good catch. I would go on a date with you... Anyways. Watch Jimmuy Carr. He's hilarious and will make you forget about being single. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWP-JxQokHM Everyone should watch this guy, he is brilliant. terrific advice . Every bit, brilliant.
Phoe Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 this sounds a bit like me,. Isolated area - check. Awkwardness - not so much, but a little reserved on dates. I'd say you're probably the kind of person who just takes a little more time than others to find a relationship. Nothing wrong, just takes a little patience
OwMyEyeball Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe the issue isn't so much you, but where you're sourcing your dates from. What other avenues of approach are you taking?
quidproquo89 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I'd say you're probably the kind of person who just takes a little more time than others to find a relationship. Nothing wrong, just takes a little patience I'd put that down to location atm
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