MissTakes Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 To start off this post: I have no illusions. I know he isn't, wasn't, and will never be in an "open relationship" with his W. But... here's the story: I haven't talked to my xMM in 44 days, since seeing him at a business conference in August and blowing him off. Today, I was catching up with a coworker who still is in the same office as him. Her and I have been close friends for years. She knows our history; in addition, she happens to run in the same social circle as him. Usually, she avoids bringing him up in conversation, but today, somehow it got around to him and his wife. Actually, we were making fun of my xAP - long story. Anyway, somehow, what ends up coming out is that she's become close with someone who knows my xAP and his W quite well, and this friend of hers recently said to her, "Actually, I think they might be in an open relationship." Now, I know this isn't true. If it was, he would have said something to me during the 100 conversations we've had since I ended the A and he's tried to either a) get me back or b) make me feel less guilty. I know that's not the case. But for one moment - one single, shimmering moment - I almost believed it. And god, did I ever want it to be true. Which feels like ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 ((((((MissTakes))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
lovedandlostit Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 It probably is just BS turns a blind eye. It can look like that to others that there's some kind of tacit agreement until the shyt hits the fan. Happened to me. Friends told me that too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Or maybe they are in an open relationship but he's not sharing with you because he's hiding that he's also dating others? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe its open with the stipulation that he can not be with certain people are you are on that list? Or, now maybe now that he can openly have sex with women other than his wife, he does not want/need to deal with whatever messiness is left in your relationship? Why don't you ask him and see what he says Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 It may just mean he has multiple OW that people are aware of or a past history of affairs that people know about. They could either assume the wife knows or turns a blind eye because its an open R. Doesn't mean she does know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissTakes Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 I don't think there's anything anywhere near an open relationship, or even blind eye. At one point, I had ended the A, but had to see him again for business (this was back in March). During that trip, he was acting bizarrely - and finally told me, at the end of it, that it was because his wife had heard from his coworkers and a close friend of hers that he was closer than me than they thought was appropriate, and she flipped out on him over it. So while she may have overlooked things that were legitimate clues, I don't think she ever did so on purpose. It certainly could be that he's had so many affairs that those who run in his friend group simply assume they have an open relationship, though. I can't ask him about this, either. Even if I wanted to - which I'm not sure I would want to - I've been NC for 44 days, and I'm not breaking it for this. For anything, really. Link to post Share on other sites
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