He made me feel bad for buying him a present?

[scrubsarelikepajamas]

My boyfriends birthday is coming up, and when I told him I ordered his birthday present he became uncomfortable, and said he always feels weird if someone buys him a present unless it's a family member. We have been joking for awhile now about what I'm going to get him and he never came across as not wanting a present? He was genuinely uncomfortable, but tried to make me feel better about it saying its okay and he'll like it and it was thoughtful etc. I feel a little embarrassed and silly now. And my feelings are a little hurt as I feel a little rejected. Am I being too sensitive? I feel like he should have flat out said to not get him anything if he really didn't want anything.

[spiderowl]

Why did you tell him you'd ordered him a present? Isn't a present supposed to be a surprise? What were you hoping he'd say about that?

 

I don't like it when people tell me they've got me a present or, even worse, ordered one. It makes me feel obligated to be a present-buying sort of person and more specifically, to buy them one. I do get presents occasionally for people who are really special to me. I don't want to feel obligated to buy anyone presents though. I want it to be a surprise, a gift from the heart.

 

Maybe he doesn't mind joking about it but doesn't like to feel you are pressuring him into returning the favour.

[scrubsarelikepajamas]

I told him merely because I was excited and he's really excited for his birthday, and he knows I would never expect anything in return from him :/

[scrubsarelikepajamas]

I guess I just wanted to get him excited about something since I've felt so guilty about being really busy with school lately because hes said it bothers him. And now I'm glad I didn't surprise him, I feel like that would have made him much more uncomfortable.

[dispatch3d]

Your being too sensitive. I'm sorry my opinion doesn't really extend beyond that.

[d0nnivain]

Some people need to learn to be more gracious. He's one of them. You did a nice thing. The fact that he can't handle that is on him, not you.

[preraph]

Not sure how long you've been together but it sounds like you're young, so that usually equals broke. I can't tell you how many girls on this forum I've warned not to buy a guy they've only been dating three or four months a present. Gifts, to men, are like milestones and it makes them very nervous you're jumping the queue in the area of commitment when a woman does it first. Seems odd, I agree, but it's a "thing" they do.

 

He may just really be broke and doesn't want to get this stuff started because he can't afford it. You should talk to him about it but not let it get too heavy. One thing you do want to just make sure of is that he isn't just an all-around cheapskate -- and I assume you'd already know that if it was the case.

[OwMyEyeball]

How did he display his discomfort?

[scrubsarelikepajamas]

Here's what confused me about the whole situation.

1.) He's asked me a couple times about what I'd like for Christmas and for MY birthday, so I assumed gifts were okay acceptable.

2.) Last week I had said "I finally know what to get to you for your birthday!" and he said I didn't have to get him a present, but then he began to pry excitedly about what I was going to get him.

3.) It's not like this is some out of nowhere "just because" gift, it was for his birthday.

4.) He's always going out of his way to do nice things for me, and has given me things in the past.

 

And as far as how he reacted, when I told him I got it ordered he just said "Why??" And i explained it was for his birthday. I was so taken back by the why comment that I was like "It's for your birthday, and it's just something silly and funny and it didn't cost a lot or anything" and he said "Any amount was too much."

 

This is the first gift I have ever given him, and it cost me less than 20 dollars (it's in reference to an inside joke between us so it was suppose to be funny v.s romantic).

[scrubsarelikepajamas]

Oh, and I meant to add that he's definitely the one who has jumped the gun before in the past. I encourage us to have our separate time from each other every once and a while and I've always been the one to say I want to move slow. He's introduced me to his friends left and right, while I'm more hesitant to do that.